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breathe
my therapist tells me that whenever i feel an onset of an anxiety attack, i should tell myself "i'm noticing that i have a feeling of _______________ ( Read more... ) -
beginning of the end
my tenure at the sun ended today. i am in an overwhelming amount of shock. it's a relief, but it's also the beginning of a lot of endings to things that have somehow come to mean a lot to me and define me as a person over the past four years. even though a similar phenomenon occurred when i graduated from high school as well, then i had college to ( Read more... ) -
wrecking ball
today by 2am i will have eaten:
breakfast: soba noodles with tahini sauce
lunch: crackers with babaganoush/hummus concoction
snack: cherry muffin
dinner: bag of chips, beets and/or v8
my eating habits are going down the shitter. -
towards a postpartum description of making a thesis in art school
it's like, you know, when you first learn you're gonna have a baby, and you're so happy, and the doctors tell you to eat more eggs so ok, you start eating eggs for the baby, and the doctors tell you to play some classical music around your womb so ok, you start listening to mozart every morning, and you continue to eat your eggs and play your ( Read more... ) -
excerpt from a future memoir
"and then a drunken mexican banshee burst into the room looking for her purse (context: roommates, party, 5 a.m.). he tried to cover me with the sheets but i, being ever so nonchalant about appearing naked in the same room as a stranger, just turned my head to look at her and when she saw my face, she shrieked and ran out of the room. exciting ( Read more... ) -
towards a postpartum description of my relationship status
it's like, you know, when you have a baby, and it's small and precious--too precious, maybe, you think as you watch it lying in the ICU, and you don't really want to name it yet because you don't know how many more weeks it's got, but your friends already witnessed the shower and the wicker baby baskets just keep on coming. it's kind of like that ( Read more... ) -
why i have trouble with men no. 9382222
me: sometimes i wonder if, after college, the only way i can support myself is by becoming a porn star.
j: WHAT? NO! THAT'S CRAAAAZY! YOU HAVE SO MUCH JOB EXPERIENCE! PORN SHOULD NOT EVEN BE ON YOUR RA-DAR!
me: i know, i know. i just wonder if i can bring myself to do it, you know? am i qualified? would i enjoy it? how would i change? would i like ( Read more... ) -
not dead. promise.
i have nothing and everything to report. over the weekend i suffered another panic attack and in reflecting upon the episode, i realized that my (disastrous, ambivalent, perpetually estranged) relationship with my parents has been the only model i have of an intimate relationship, which in turn explains my anxiety about forming close relationships ( Read more... ) -
tonight i can write the saddest lines
i am writing an unsent letter to my mother. it's about time.
