( Read more... )

I am, like, so not funny.

I think I would be a good car salesman. I don't go for the hard sell the way some of these slick characters do. I let the customer get comfortable, bring them into my confidence, and then I say one sentence. That's all it takes, one sentence and they'll sign anything I tell them to. I could sell water to a drowning man, which is not an easy thing ( Read more... )

If I didn't know better, I would think that no one had ever had the flu before. Every five minutes some journalist is reporting that there is a bad case of the flu going around and NOT ENOUGH VACCINE!!! Isn't it called flu season because it happens every year? Like winter? No one's like, winter is coming and it's ALREADY COLD OUTSIDE ( Read more... )

Who can afford to throw a perfectly good pair of underwear at a singer?

Certainly no one I know.

Ladies, if you really want to show him you care, throw a new pair of Fruit Of The Loom boxer-briefs that he can actually wear. He'll thank you for it, and your panties won't end up on ebay selling for a paltry $1.75 plus shipping.

Today we have a tie for the Corporate Casual Headline of the Day.

"Hall and Oates Deemed 'Heroes' of Music"
(taken from salon.com)

My only comment is ha ha ha h-h-ha ha ha cough ha ha ha.

"Postal Service Denounces Mad TV Sketch"
(taken from salon.com)

Why bother? Does anybody even watch Mad TVAnd, for one day only, I would like to present the ( Read more... )

I know that before they were famous, a lot of rap stars couldn't afford a computer because they were poor and living in the ghetto, so I would like to offer my services as a spell-checker. The following is a list of the corrected names of your favorite hip-hop stars ( Read more... )

As I mentioned yesterday (see entry: A Message to Sotheby's), my copy of Ghettopoly did arrive in the mail. Now, although I stand by my claim that it makes no sense to ban something just because it represents a point of view or a stereotype that you don't like, this game is racist as shit. I'm not sure if it's having a crack pipe as a game piece, ( Read more... )

3000 years ago, when the movie Kids was out in theaters, I was hanging out with some friends of mine in front of a downtown movie theater when a homosexual man came up to us. In addition to being doomed to an eternity of suffering for the sin of sodomy, he was also friends with one of my friends, and so he started talking to us. He pointed to the ( Read more... )

Today's CCHOD is dedicated to all of you nerds out there, which is all of you. Just as a little preface to today's headline, I would like you to know, now that you are adults, that when your parents told you that people only tease you to make themselves feel better because they have low self-esteem, they were lying. This is what parents tell losers ( Read more... )