Sorry...we had stuff to take care of. The Alliance showed up and ruined our records room looking for files on some kid that got kidnapped from the Academy. Bastards.

So, we're not backtracking...it's whatever's written after this will be what we report on now.

We hate you all,
The Cortex News Staff

Killian put the fear of Joss into Serra, who immediately decides to go hit on Jake.

Things go from bad to worse as River starts hearing voices.

The Blue Guys are..well..dead.

Seska wants a dress with a little slink in it.

Jake's willing to beat up a little girl to protect his woman. Our money's on the little girl.

Jayne is pissed that Killian ( Read more... )

River freaks out. Those homecomings can be a bitch, eh?

Really, Jayne. The glam look is so last season.

What in Sock Hell did the Blue Hands do to that kid?

Niska's found his art.

Andrew wants kids? That'll take a miracle....or some expensive cloning. Little Jaynes and Andrews? There's a scary thought.

Serra's all up on the weapons training.

( Read more... )

Aiden's having creepy dreams.

Wow, Marco's being, like, father.He's definately got Jayne beat for father-of-the-year.

Andrew's worried about the rescue, but it's nothing a little Mandarin won't fix.

Jayne wake up. Jayne want food and sex. Andy pretty.

Inara ponders life, the universe, and the crew of Serenity. Answer: 42.

Seska plans a ( Read more... )

Jayne straps his angst on. The fangirls swoon.

River's still in vengence mode.

Tyra leans on the 4th wall.

Andrew's worrying over Jayne's part in the rescue mission.

Seska plays family counselor. Charge by the minute, girlfriend.

Kaylee's sexual exploits will now lack peanutbutter. The rest of the crew cheers as tonight is PB&J Night.

Serra ( Read more... )

Jayne's got his sly groove on with redecorating.

Marco's learning how to be a dad and soon he'll be learning about tolerance.

River, we're pretty sure you're not God. Don't care how special you are.

Mina's not feeling so good.

Knife-flipping and boredom...it's a thing.

Andrew peaks through his lover's journal, and why not? It's not as if Jayne ( Read more... )

Tempest is on high alert.

Tyra is not a happy camper after her run-in with Cassandra.

Tempest is still hearing voices.

Saffron's finally home from the honeymoon. Now for some marital bliss and crime.

Aiden takes a test to learn what he already knew.

Simon's all happy in the morning after. Hope she doesn't make you pay, sport.

Saffie just ( Read more... )

How the hell is Saffie suppose to go on her honeymoon without shoes? Someone is so fired.

Nice to know Jayne's getting thing's settled for himself. Heh..whole new meaning to sex therapy.

Andrew's right damn pleased with himself...and all relieved of stress, too.

Rexxie plots revenge. What else is new?

Andrew's uber-happy...oh..we see why. Heh.. ( Read more... )

Things aren't looking well for Jayne.

Does the crew of the Outpost ever work?

Simon figures out where Jubal was headed. Ooops, change of plans, Doc.

Bastard's ready to stop for some ice cream, but first...a little more abuse. You dick.

Andrew wants Jayne back now now NOW.

The Blue Hands begin their experiments on their new subject. Poor kid.

( Read more... )

Happy Birthday, Seska!

We're confused. Who was Jayne dating before he was abducted? Snark snark snark.

Inara worries about Jayne and Killian.

Rita's down for the rescue mission...just as soon as she knows which direction to point the boat in.

Andrew's handling the stress a little better. Don't give up hope.

Jayne's gotten sick from ( Read more... )