this is going to get really melodramatic because i'm really in it right now.

i keep seeking attention in the wrong place. i keep playing wounded bird in hopes for some kind of comfort. truth is, i am really hurting, but i'm never so open about it with someone without reason. and so i finally stopped lying to myself.

and now i feel like i'm exploding ( Read more... )

i'm so i rritated. the grass really is always greener on the other side, isn't it?

what i've been waiting for happened tonight. and it was exciting for me to see someone so excited to meet me. it was nice to have someone all over it for once. sometime who could see i was a catch. for someone who was a catch to see i was a catch.

but then you ran into ( Read more... )

so it was a meaningless friendship, but a fun date nonetheless. here, here.

i don't know why i'm posting a journal. i'm empty, wordless.

and yet this seems to be my problem. i'm so empty these days. i try to fill my vacancy with song and dance and friends and imaginary romance, but it doesn't seem to satisfy me long enough to keep me conscious. could ( Read more... )

dear boy.
[because i am lonely and insecure, i'm going to allow myself to obsess a little this one time.]

i love watching you strut your stuff in those diesel jeans, those shoes, that collared shirt, and your george clooney glasses.

i love wrapping my arms around you in a hug when we say hello and goodnight.

i loved the feeling i felt when you put your ( Read more... )

its exhilirating. i think i've finally let go ( Read more... )

its always like this.
i'm definitely pmsing.
reminiscing,
wondering what he's thinking,
phrasing converstions
i'd have with him
if he were to let me...
yep, this is definitely that time of the month.

i can't wait to fall in love again.
i can't wait to meet the guy of my dreams,
smart,
funny,
witty,
educated...
and fall in love.
like joey and the professor.
joey ( Read more... )

how ironic that the theme of my livejournal is happiness, color and optimism. things i never seem to excell at.

i don't know anything anymore. once i was so sure of myself, so sure of my direction, so sure of my wonderfulness. i'm sure that i'm great, i'm sure that i'm deserving, i'm sure that i have great qualities. i'm unsure of where i'm headed, ( Read more... )

i can't tell you  how many things run in my mind every day.
things i try to write down.
things i try just to even grasp,
but lose in the flutter of the hustle and bustle.
i wonder how you feel,
and i wonder if i really know how you feel,
but refuse to see it.
i wonder if you really aren't over her,
and i wonder if she is more important
or if i'll always be ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

i just don't get it ( Read more... )