Heavy beta of 9X11's Sam and Cas scenes

[counteragent]

First Born, rewritten scenes
Original Author: Robbie Thompson
Editor: Counteragent
Beta: Balder12
Goal: My goal was to change as little of the scenes as possible, because I don't have the benefit of knowing how this episode fits into the larger season arc. However, I did want to rework the tone and emotional resonance, and I took the liberty of adding a small plot point

Comments

[ash48]

There are a number of things I love about this. Not least that you actually provide an example of how the writing could have been better. We complain and moan about the writing but never see it "beta'd" (or physically changed like this). Awesome idea

[counteragent]

Thanks honey!!! I'm glad you thought this was interesting. Honestly there were so many many weird things about the script as it was aired that I wasn't sure if my cleanup fixed much. But it was a fun experiment!

Please don't send this to Robbie; that would be rude, I think. I mean, not that he would see it or care, but still. Armchair quarterbacking is just that...

But I would LOVE for "rewrites" to catch on as a fannish thing. I think it's something I'd love to see more of, so feel free to promote it to that end, if you want. :D

[ash48]

Please don't send this to Robbie;

I won't ;) (though sometimes I wanna say..."did you think about this?"...which of course is not on, but tempting...)

But I would LOVE for "rewrites" to catch on as a fannish thing.

It would be great. It's easy to bemoan the problems, harder to try and work out ways to fix it via the actual script.
xx

[runedgirl]

Well done, bb. I also thought that Cas must have taken some of that grace for himself or kept some aside or *something*. I guess we'll see - and damn, why can't Sam's "I didn't want to die. I just wanted the choice" be canon. WHY???

[counteragent]

If so, why not show it to us then? Those scenes came off as just WTF without that plot element and with the inane dialogue.

[runedgirl]

Agreed. And yes, why not????

[counteragent]

I mean, I get that it could be a reveal later, but I think it was the wrong call. It would still be mysterious if you kept it as I have here, without explanation.

Whereas without it, these scenes have very little point other than to make Sassy footage for vidders (a noble goal to be sure, but...).

Arg I should not have started this; now I'm going to nitpick everything ARGGGGGG. Why god why am I a fan.

[cassiopeia7]

I didn’t want to die. I just wanted the choice.

Never has a single line NEEDED to be canon so much as this. I'm still holding out hope that Sam gets to say this (to Dean, though -- not Castiel) sometime during this season. I'd forgive a lot for the sake of that one line.

Castiel self-injecting the grace is a brilliant stroke. It links to Castiel's decidedly hinky attitude during much of that scene; his earlier theft of the other angel's grace; and possibly parallels Crowley's new-found addiction to human blood, which . . . yeah. WANT.

Love this. ALL of it. Why aren't you writing this season?

[counteragent]

I think maybe the line I wrote was a bit too on the nose, but given the (lack of) subtlety in a lot of SPN writing lately, I left it in. Also, if your final product is a script, you risk the temptation of over-telling, because there aren't actors and other things to make your point for you. I kind of fell into that trap a little. If I were to rewrite it again, I'd be more subtle I think. But I'd have left that sentiment, because HOLY SHIT it needs to be acknowledged!

I TOTALLY think Cas should have stolen some of that grace. I'm so certain of it that I bet it was in the original script and they took it out for a later reveal. We might very well see a flashback.

[chomaisky]

Love this! I don't have much to add to all the comments above. I've been rewatching S4, and I miss the Sam who believes the power of choice gives worth to his tainted life.

[counteragent]

Thanks! I miss that Sam, as annoying as he kind of was, LOL. I wish we could see a fully realized S8/S9 Sam that had all of his traits assembled into some kind of order. Sigh!

[brightly_lit]

Oooooh, this is exactly the kind of thing I had in mind when I created my comm rewrite_spn! Would you consider cross-posting it there?

[counteragent]

Sure, done! :)