Chapter 59: Pig Snot

[cheryl_bites]

Today’s object lesson is that dyslexic authors should make sure to get a competent proofreader, and the consequences of blithely ignoring said lesson make up this chapter’s main source of mirth. Each sentence goes on forever without making sense at any point. As my mother pointed out upon reading this, Gary Stu stands for Garrulous and Stupid.

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Comments

[beardedtroll]

Harry must fight in it a second time, the question is can he stop everyone he cares about from being killed the second time around? This time though Harry doesn't intend to leave anyone alive.

Doesn't that intent make the question rather moot?

[cheryl_bites]

Ah, war!fanboys. <3 "Harry isn't like Voldemort, who's evil and kills people! Harry is GOOD and kills people!"

[eir_de_scania]

Using Earth logic again, Troll? This is Suethors, remember.

[smud_dragon]

Call me crazy, but I actually found myself liking Morris, kinda. Perhaps it's because he's so much nicer than most Gary Stus, or maybe it's because of the silly things he says because the author can't type. Perhaps I'm mildly delirious. Also, wtf do "flibe" and "filp" mean and why are they even there?

[cheryl_bites]

The author's dyslexic, or, at least, his reviews say so. So his plot and characterisation skills are intact, but he can't spell. And I think "flibe" and "filp" are meant to be "flip", and serve as section breaks. They confused me too. XD

[smud_dragon]

I had a thought; maybe if it's "flip", it means "flip a few pages ahead in your copy of the book" because the reader is meant to be reading along in their copy of Philosopher's Stone rather than the author transcribing ALL of it.

[eir_de_scania]

What if when Harry was going to get his wand, he met a strange boy, who could change the colour of his hair at will, instead. What if this boy gave Harry a different wand, a better one. How much difference can a wand really make?
***HP/OC. NC17.

As soon as the shut, the questions started “are you, or have you ever been sexually active?”
***warnings include underage sex and non-con

[cheryl_bites]

As soon as the shut, the questions started “are you, or have you ever been sexually active?”
***warnings include underage sex and non-con

I know, wtf? What does he expect eleven-year-old Harry to say? "Well, I've been divorced for six years now, but I have an on-off girlfriend I met via speed dating and I use prostitutes twice a week."

[anayra_hirialen]

a very mucky boy

[anacoluthon]

"by the strong hand of Morris" sounds like a great oath, in the same vein as "by the surly beard of Mrifk!"

[Crabbe and Goyle] reminded Harry of his cosine Dudley on a bad day
Any day I have to mess with cosines is a bad day, sadly.

Harry stood mouth slightly ajar in amazement, the Gryffindor common room was amazing.
Amazed, he stared at the amazing sight spread before him; amazingly, the other students weren't equally amazed by the amazements all around.

I love the idea of Harry with twin wands. Does he jump sideways in slow-motion while firing off spells from both of them?

[beardedtroll]

I love the idea of Harry with twin wands. Does he jump sideways in slow-motion while firing off spells from both of them?

"The wand katas. Through cledonomancy of thousands of recorded spellfights, the Ministry has determined that the prophesised distribution of antagonists in any wand battle is a augurally predictable element. The wand kata treats the wand as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum spell zone, inflicting maximum enchantment on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the dactylomantically divined trajectories of return curses. By the rote mastery of this art, your ensorcering efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to jinx proficiency makes the master of the wand katas an adversary not to be taken lightly."

Hmmm. Would wizards talk about Hexican standoffs? Do golems dream of enchanted sheep?

[anayra_hirialen]

...*groan*.