Vent

[cowboymarine]

I hate to vent here, since I have been so lax at really doing much of being here for my friends. There are so many of my LJ friends who have shared and we have shared together. Over the past many months, I feel like my tongue is tied, and tonight I am near a breaking point

Comments

[cowboymarine]

It is, but thanks, you know, I wish that I had some control, but I have none.

[brokn2pieces]

Yes, you should be posting more fucking often.

Knucklehead :)

[cowboymarine]

Yeah. I know. Like I said, I have been a slug, not doing anything. It is not like I could do anything to change myself, but then again, maybe if I did more I would not feel so hopeless... even if it did not change the outcome.

[brokn2pieces]

Well, slugs can't type so you're at least a few evolutionary steps above the slug. I'd have to see more to know how many steps but I'm guessing you are quite a few steps. :)

[cowboymarine]

I just have big fucking feet.

[ncsuj]

You are TOTALLY entitled to be in a funk or feel a little "WTF, WHAT NOW, WHY ME!?" now and then.....you've been through a lot of shit. It's only natural.

Just don't allow yourself to wallow in it....use it to kick your own ass to stop being a slug and pull yourself up outta the funk.

Always feel free to vent here, because the people who care will indulge you a bit tell you it's ok, then tell you to get the fuck over it, you've fought this far don't be a douche and give up now.

Bootstraps, Marine!

[cowboymarine]

Haha... I have never heard douche here. lol. An enema right now might feel good... just be sure the water is warm. See... the Marine has a sense of humor.

[ncsuj]

;-)

[bardcat]

Glad you are posting. I miss you when you are not here. As you know better than me, writing can be such important therapy, the best in fact, for it forces us to focus, to center, to "organize" our jumbled thoughts and feelings. You write with a lot of honesty, authenticity. And, I think writing is a good discipline, good work. I have a sense you could write a book about your life so far, given your insight and creativity. You've done your share,more than your share of suffering, which enhances the probability you have something to say, something that matters, not just the silly dribble that passes for writing or living with many people. I have a feeling you would have a publisher and with your resources, even self-publishing would be no problem. You have so many, many stories to tell, so much insight, depth, insight. Peace brother.

[cowboymarine]

Thanks Jeff. When I can separate myself from the story of what has happened in my life, yeah, it may some day be a legacy. Of course when I do write it makes the jumbled feels come out, or at least I have to put a stick in the ground and sort of know it is one of those mile markers. Most of the time I just don't feel the energy to put the stick in the ground. Most of the time I just don't want to think anymore. I have been choosing no feeling or less feeling over bad feelings. Well, that strategy has not been working. I still feel.

Peace, as always thank you for your gifts of inspiration.

[bardcat]

Well, writing is enornmous work on the best of days, and I hear you about energy levels. Maybe writing a book could be a goal and you could travel at your own pace. I know you have suffered enough to be a great writer and I know you already had the gifts and graces to write a long time ago.

[bardvern]

Well I guess it better to feel good and have some diagnostic numbers be off then to feel like crap and the doc tells you are perfectly fine. Either way it is frustrating as hell for sure

[cowboymarine]

Thanks. I guess I though I had the really bad internal problems behind me, and so it short of shook me up. I am feeling better about it today.