"The Day the Kinkmeme Came to Pawnee" by saucydiva (R)
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Pairing: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt, everyone/everyone else
Length: 8.5K words
Author on LJ: saucydiva
Author Website: Tumblr
Why this must be read: A lot of people, it seems, stumble into Parks fandom from the famed NBC kinkmeme, so it was really only a matter of time before someone mashed up the two, and saucydiva is absolutely the right one to make it happen. There's plot atop the (implied) porn, as well as some delightfully meta bits, everyone's perfectly in-character reactions, and a weirdly hot argument about the Declaration of Independence. If you're at work today (like I am), I dare you to read this with a straight face.
Chris is bringing yet another morning meeting to an end with the usual reminders-clean your leftovers out of the fridge in the cafeteria, but don’t leave them in your car because some raccoons can open doors, and please stop feeding the raccoons, they are learning to open doors- when he turns serious.
“Over the weekend our IT department, Jason, was browsing some sites that I am sure are not what they sound like when he found a site specific to the Pawnee City Hall. Someone has started a ‘kinkmeme’ for City Hall employees. People leave ‘prompts’ with names and sexual acts, and then other people write out fictional stories of these sexual encounters.” He slams his hands on the table for emphasis. Meanwhile, people started murmuring to each other.
“Jason has already determined that he cannot remove this board via any legal means, since it is being hosted overseas. Right now, our lawyers are looking into case law to see if there is anything that can be done to serve the site with a cease-and-desist, but as of right now, our hands are tied. Which, actually, is one of the prompts.”
“We are asking that everyone please not look, no matter how tempting it is. We have blocked the site from all work computers, but we ask that you respect yourselves and your coworkers by not visiting the site from personal computers. Please inform your departments about what is happening, and ask them to refrain visiting as well.”
“We are doing everything we can.”
Leslie finishes writing out her notes from the meeting with a “kinkmeme=gross” and closes her padfolio.
When she gathers her own people and repeats almost verbatim what Chris said, with maybe a few more references to how gross the whole thing is, she is surprised to see Tom whip out his phone.
“Whoa, get a look at this, guys!”
Donna drapes a hand on his shoulder and starts reading out loud. “The library is more than represented on this thing. And it sounds like everyone thinks the librarians are some dirty birds.”
Ron looks up from the pole he is leaning against, and lazily lifts a hand from his crossed arms. “I can confirm that is absolutely true.”
Donna looks over at him with undisguised glee. “And that might be why you are on here with your ex. And with several other librarians. That’s going to enrage Tammy.”
“I am going in my office. No one is to come in there. If my ex-wife shows up, tell her I died and left her nothing.”
“Don’t you mean ex-ex-ex wife?” Tom asks, until a glare from Ron cuts off his laughter.
After the slam of Ron’s door, April, also fiddling with her phone, mutters, “This thing is stupid and also barely anyone even prompted me.”
Andy bangs the door open and roller-skates in. “Hey, Babe, what’s up?” He pulls out his phone. “What’s a kin-kmim?”
April says, “You should know, Andy, everyone wants to see you hook up with everyone. Meanwhile, the only one anyone wants to see me screw is Ben.”
Leslie can feel her chest constrict a little. “April, I am sure no one wants to see you sleep with Ben.”
“Actually, they want everyone to sleep with Ben. Look at this! When you click on his name, people want to see him with… everyone.” Donna starts waving her phone around for emphasis. “You-” She points at April, “And you-” Andy “And both of you together, sometimes to ‘teach a lesson about the proper way to be a roommate/adult-‘”
“We’re awesome roommates,” April says while Andy nods. “Ben is the one that doesn’t understand.”
Donna ignores them, “And they want Tom and Ben to ‘try on suits’ and him and Chris to ‘deal with their issues via some really rough sex, sometimes in Pawnee and sometimes before they got here-”
“Who wants to have sex with Chris? Oh, wait, I do, and Ben at the same time, apparently. Glad I didn’t go to Indianapolis after all,” April says, looking annoyed at the phone. “Just three prompts? What is this? I am way better than anyone else here.”
“I don’t like this, I don’t like this at all” Jerry says, chiming in for the first time since Leslie broke the news.
Donna barely glances at him. “Oh, don’t worry, Jerry, you can tell Gail you aren’t even on here.”
“I am sure I am-“
“Nope,” Tom says, “And it looks liked I just haven’t found the section with all my prompts yet.” He looks confident. “I mean, there are even prompts for Mark Brandanowitz. I barely remember that guy. Does he even still live around here?”
The Day the Kinkmeme Came to Pawnee
Pairing: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt, everyone/everyone else
Length: 8.5K words
Author on LJ: saucydiva
Author Website: Tumblr
Why this must be read: A lot of people, it seems, stumble into Parks fandom from the famed NBC kinkmeme, so it was really only a matter of time before someone mashed up the two, and saucydiva is absolutely the right one to make it happen. There's plot atop the (implied) porn, as well as some delightfully meta bits, everyone's perfectly in-character reactions, and a weirdly hot argument about the Declaration of Independence. If you're at work today (like I am), I dare you to read this with a straight face.
Chris is bringing yet another morning meeting to an end with the usual reminders-clean your leftovers out of the fridge in the cafeteria, but don’t leave them in your car because some raccoons can open doors, and please stop feeding the raccoons, they are learning to open doors- when he turns serious.
“Over the weekend our IT department, Jason, was browsing some sites that I am sure are not what they sound like when he found a site specific to the Pawnee City Hall. Someone has started a ‘kinkmeme’ for City Hall employees. People leave ‘prompts’ with names and sexual acts, and then other people write out fictional stories of these sexual encounters.” He slams his hands on the table for emphasis. Meanwhile, people started murmuring to each other.
“Jason has already determined that he cannot remove this board via any legal means, since it is being hosted overseas. Right now, our lawyers are looking into case law to see if there is anything that can be done to serve the site with a cease-and-desist, but as of right now, our hands are tied. Which, actually, is one of the prompts.”
“We are asking that everyone please not look, no matter how tempting it is. We have blocked the site from all work computers, but we ask that you respect yourselves and your coworkers by not visiting the site from personal computers. Please inform your departments about what is happening, and ask them to refrain visiting as well.”
“We are doing everything we can.”
Leslie finishes writing out her notes from the meeting with a “kinkmeme=gross” and closes her padfolio.
When she gathers her own people and repeats almost verbatim what Chris said, with maybe a few more references to how gross the whole thing is, she is surprised to see Tom whip out his phone.
“Whoa, get a look at this, guys!”
Donna drapes a hand on his shoulder and starts reading out loud. “The library is more than represented on this thing. And it sounds like everyone thinks the librarians are some dirty birds.”
Ron looks up from the pole he is leaning against, and lazily lifts a hand from his crossed arms. “I can confirm that is absolutely true.”
Donna looks over at him with undisguised glee. “And that might be why you are on here with your ex. And with several other librarians. That’s going to enrage Tammy.”
“I am going in my office. No one is to come in there. If my ex-wife shows up, tell her I died and left her nothing.”
“Don’t you mean ex-ex-ex wife?” Tom asks, until a glare from Ron cuts off his laughter.
After the slam of Ron’s door, April, also fiddling with her phone, mutters, “This thing is stupid and also barely anyone even prompted me.”
Andy bangs the door open and roller-skates in. “Hey, Babe, what’s up?” He pulls out his phone. “What’s a kin-kmim?”
April says, “You should know, Andy, everyone wants to see you hook up with everyone. Meanwhile, the only one anyone wants to see me screw is Ben.”
Leslie can feel her chest constrict a little. “April, I am sure no one wants to see you sleep with Ben.”
“Actually, they want everyone to sleep with Ben. Look at this! When you click on his name, people want to see him with… everyone.” Donna starts waving her phone around for emphasis. “You-” She points at April, “And you-” Andy “And both of you together, sometimes to ‘teach a lesson about the proper way to be a roommate/adult-‘”
“We’re awesome roommates,” April says while Andy nods. “Ben is the one that doesn’t understand.”
Donna ignores them, “And they want Tom and Ben to ‘try on suits’ and him and Chris to ‘deal with their issues via some really rough sex, sometimes in Pawnee and sometimes before they got here-”
“Who wants to have sex with Chris? Oh, wait, I do, and Ben at the same time, apparently. Glad I didn’t go to Indianapolis after all,” April says, looking annoyed at the phone. “Just three prompts? What is this? I am way better than anyone else here.”
“I don’t like this, I don’t like this at all” Jerry says, chiming in for the first time since Leslie broke the news.
Donna barely glances at him. “Oh, don’t worry, Jerry, you can tell Gail you aren’t even on here.”
“I am sure I am-“
“Nope,” Tom says, “And it looks liked I just haven’t found the section with all my prompts yet.” He looks confident. “I mean, there are even prompts for Mark Brandanowitz. I barely remember that guy. Does he even still live around here?”
The Day the Kinkmeme Came to Pawnee