treat each other like kings and queens.

i'm a big fat crying baby tonight and i do apologize, but let it be known - i have not shed one public tear thus far. tonight was nice and i will not forget it for a long while. it reminded me of old times & it's driving me crazy. i am becoming more and more frightened by the minute that i am going to get to my new "home" and hate it because i ( Read more... )

fyi, i'm going to change my hair color because that's what i do when things start twisting.

saying goodbye is a weird process, one which i have yet to grasp. it makes me nervous more than anything and i find myself pretending it's not happening to the point where the other person is sobbing and i can't shed a tear. i feel really heartless that i can't shed one fucking tear for them to their face. the past months i've cried rivers for ( Read more... )

there are a lot of nice people in the world.

cleaned my computer place because my mom made me a list of seven things that need to be done. she is counting down the days till departure and stressing me out in the process ( Read more... )

panic attacks.

after nights like these, i sit and think how much i don't deserve most of it.
and i feel ungrateful, and spoiled, and selfish, and every horrible thing.
but it was a nice time & i'm going to miss them all.
but i still don't deserve it.

a good five times (at least) each day i think about how i want to change the way i look. this sounds stupid but it's driving me insane and i'm beginning to believe that i am. i know that it is not a good thing when i am never satisfied with my hair color and want to change it five times a day, not because i am "bored" or "creative", but because i ( Read more... )

so it's 6:30 in the am. just got home from grad night. i will takl about that later though because rachel and adam seem to think that my thoughts/words are unclear at this hour. even so, i feel very awake - although i know i will sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. i also have this pounding headache that is very unfamiliar - does lack of ( Read more... )