there was an entire entry the short version is now:

who are we to say this is what we want when we are thirty?
forty?
beyond?

we ought to stop lying to ourselves, to others,
because we do NOT FUCKING KNOW.

theres no way to.

and im finally done begging the false for help

also,
thank you ruth, in case i have not addressed this yet...
thank you for the message you left me in regards to my birthday.
i re-listened to it today and it helped me so much.
so thank you and i hope you are well.

i feel this is the beginning of the end.
a loss of great strength and power.
a death of new unfound magnitude.

when faced with such a difficult decision ( Read more... )

i cant even writre in fucking prose right now
i am fucking depressed.
horribley depressed.

im sick of not having my own friends.
i am sick of having no one to talk to.
i am fucking sick.

i know nothing.
about no one.
just beginning to realize this.
it is a lot colder outside now that reality has set in
and im wearing clothes set for fall with the
mindset of spring.
this life, it is devouring me
and im sure, yes im SURE i
need to get out.
and away
from all the mucky muck.
and learn new ways of living amongst those ive never

too much realization and ( Read more... )

i love a boy
his name is austin.