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[creativename23]

Well, I asked for it to stop, and it did. No matter how briefly this lasts, it's still... subsided.
It'll be back tomorrow. That's the part that frustrates me. This moment of "peace" is fleeting.
Today, at my counselor appointment I said I was seemingly going through the stages of grief.
I'm in the anger stage right now.
I'm finding it really

Comments

[blonde_mistake]

" I know all of these wonderful things I could try...
Sleeping, eating well, exercising, meditating... etc.
I just can't bring myself to do them, because I feel like they're pointless. I have absolutely no faith in my abilities to stick to it; I can't handle screwing up too much more. It hurts worse when I try things and they don't work. Maybe it's because when I DON'T put forth exhausting amounts of effort to "get better," it won't be my fault when I fail.
I am tired of failing.
I am tired of FEELING.
I want... stability, but don't have the energy, the faith, or the ability to do the work to get there.
Especially not by myself...

...I know WHAT to do on certain levels... just not HOW to do them.
How do you make yourself do something when every part of you refuses to do it, because your feelings overpower said parts?
How do you stay conscious of things when you can't even make yourself focus for 30 minutes because your thoughts are going so fast?
How... how do you... fix something so dreadfully broken?"That is so me. Exactly how I

[creativename23]

Yes. It fucking sucks.
Even when you can put it into words.

How DO you fix something so terribly broken?

Someone called me an "angel with a broken wing" the other day.
That's what she called all of us.

But, what the fuck is the point of an angel, if it can't fly and do God's bidding? (Using an extended metaphor... not trying to get all "Bible-Thumper" on your ass :) ).

Anyhow... I'm sorry you feel it, too. It does comfort me, though. Sorry that your pain brings me comfort; but it's always good to know I'm not doing it alone.
Hence my recent LJ addiction.

[blonde_mistake]

I perfectly get what you mean when you say it comforts you to know I feel the same. I guess we all have that when we find people with the same feelings when before, you always thought you were alone in this.

Angel with a broken wing is a nice one. Well, not nice, but you get my point.
And yeah, what is the point in all that? I am wondering what the point is in many things right now. It's just so exhausting...

[creativename23]

Exhausting. Positively exhausting.
One thing I like most about having others that feel the same is that we can use words like "exhausting" and know the exact meaning. There is no question in my mind that when you say "exhausting" you are speaking about the same exhaustion that I struggle with every second...
It's good to be understood for once...

[furious_beauty]

I don't know how you get out of the laziness. It just hits you all of a sudden. But when it does... Don't kid yourself into thinking your better, because just when you think you're on top, you have friends, your BPD will fuck it up for you and you'll fall to the floor again so fast you'll wonder what the hell happened. Make small progressive steps to get up and out of your lazy behaviour and do the same with the other aspects of BPD.
I think I just jumped up all of a sudden and got lost in the whirlwind of change.
But stop worrying, just do, try not to think about what you want to do and do it. Baby steps.

[creativename23]

Thank you.
I think I forget that whole "baby steps" process, because I want to be "better" NOW.
Thank you.

[furious_beauty]

Yeah, me too, sometimes you forget!