LJ Idol Week 37: Bedlamite

[crisp_sobriety]

The Bedlamite sits in the dark.

They barely move, barely speak; it is their compromise for existing in a world of noise. The door is locked against noise. There’s no tolerating the stutter and fuzz, no enduring the swell of beating drums.

The dark was not by choice, but it serves their purpose of non-stimulation well.

Comments

[crisp_sobriety]

Prose-poem!

I did my best to make every word count.

ETA: I guess it might be all right to talk about what exactly this is. The short story is that I was very mentally ill for a sizable amount of time (well, by my standards --it was two years. I don't know what other people deal with, probably far worse), and for a lot of stupid reasons it took forever to get a proper diagnosis and treatment, and it was a very strange period of being miserable and volatile and having my miserable volatileness up for pointed observation. This is a fictionalized approximation of what my emotions were like back then. Not necessarily what *I* was like, mind you.

(I'm fine, now.)

[jexia]

<3

[crisp_sobriety]

<3

[alycewilson]

That must have been a very difficult time, and the most telling part of this being that you didn't even feel human.

[jexia]

When I saw the title in the topic post, I wondered if it would be about a mineral called "bedlamite". Heehee.

The structure of this is really powerful, and I will be thinking about it for a while.

[crisp_sobriety]

Hee! Nah, it's just a very old-fashioned word for 'lunatic,' but then I'm sure you knew that. But I like that mineral idea a lot.

Thank you!

[i_17bingo]

Its thoughts are a needle skipping on the surface of old vinyl.

I'm mentally ill and I know this feeling perfectly. But I never had the poetry to describe so well.

Thank you for opening up like this.

[crisp_sobriety]

Thank you! It's really great to hear it resonates with others, actually. I hope things are as well with you as they can be.

Assuming I was note #6, which many people seemed to think I was (mums the word on whether I agree), Gary wanted me to define myself more. I guess this might be an answer to that challenge? It's probably about time anyway.

[i_17bingo]

People could figure out who was who with those? I was just plain baffled.

[dmousey]

As one who has spent some time in mental hospital, that feeling of being 'on display' never quite leaves. You capture the spirit of that well. I don't remember much of my psychotic periods, although I am told I believe everyone is telepathic! (With my meds finally being straight, I no longer believe this... or do I?) If you were a 'reciever' though, you would know I thoroughly liked this piece and it's 'darkness'. You did, indeed, make every word count.

[crisp_sobriety]

I hope things are well with you, now.

I'm extremely glad you liked this piece, it's probably one of the most heavily edited things I've turned in here. Despite it being quite short, I'm fairly sure the same amount of hours went into it, possibly more.

Thanks so much for this great comment. :)

[tsuki_no_bara]

i thought "bedlamite" meant we were going to get a historical story, and even tho i do know what it means, i swear, at first i thought the person was in solitary in prison. and then i realized no, they're in a room, and their howling breakdown became both disturbing and sad. (especially with the people watching and taking notes and never replacing the lights.) i'm so sorry you had personal experience to draw on for this, but i'm so glad you're better.

[crisp_sobriety]

Thank you! :3

I'm very glad you thought it was sad, in particular. Often people will see a character responding to their situation with rage and violence, and they'll see it as a sort of triumph. Sometimes that's justified, but not always. Anger is not in itself a sign of control, let alone personal power. I really wanted to write about this kind of anger without glorifying it.

I like the description 'howling breakdown' very much.