i decided today that i'm going to live forever.

i had a dream where i was just stacking gold ingots in a white room.
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this is a poem i wrote to myself.

in a few more seconds i will loose it forever.
like salt in the wound,
or looking for land minds in the dark.
i curse and stumble,
and tell nobody in particular how much i hate this.

i'm trying, i'm trying
to be beautiful,
a skinny love,
like a half ( Read more... )

my mom is having surgery again on monday. its funny to think that a year ago i went through the same thing. this time things are different though. i'm completely alone. even though i feel good about not having a relationship with my sister and my father, i feel really overwhelmed, because at some point i am going to have to take care of my mother ( Read more... )

i believe that i have lost the ability to eat limes without first quickly consuming a somewhat small amount of tequila. i also have a very large paper cut on my hand right now, and it is probably the most painful thing thats happened to me in a while.

 gleanings from my notebook pt 3

"i think when i die i'll just take off my body, like a jacket. how many jackets have i worn before?"

i think i have anxiety ( Read more... )

i've had two dreams recently about vomiting/expelling something from my body via my mouth. i want to turn one of these into a performance piece, but i don't know if its possible to swallow beads and then throw them up again without damaging my esophagus.

this was the first one. it happened on the evening of april 4th

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i had a dream that i ( Read more... )

gleanings from my notebook pt 2.

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is there sickness in my desire? do i perceive a gap between what he is to me and what he is in real life? does he differ from the conception I have of him?

i identify the real with my objects of desire. this is so so so wrong.

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I remember vividly, on September 23rd when I was driving back from New Hampshire ( Read more... )

i realized today that there are so many things i wish for, and realize that a lot of them will never come true.
i don't know how to stop wishing and start doing, but i'm damned sure going to figure it out.

today was open house at school.
i got a lot of really good comments on my work.

some from someone's opinion i respect. it made me feel really good about what i'm doing any why i'm in school.
i am starting to get somewhere with my work and i'm ready.

i'm SO ready.