i have been thinking about quite a few things recently, mostly for the sake of my work, but it has lead to me examining a great deal of my behaviors involving communication in detail. i think the thing i find the most interesting, is the fact that i have a live journal, but no one in my real life knows that i have this journal and as far as i know ( Read more... )

gleanings from my notebook pt. 1

"you cum, 
i stay. 
but thats the way that we were made...
always the victim of the chase." 

 

im drinking wine with a straw out of an old canning jar and listening to diane cluck right now.
i feel ok. i feel good even. theres still a flat line though.

still a flat line.

i'm drunk. 

i didn't go to any of my classes today ( Read more... )

 ok, so i know i updated two seconds ago... but i was just thinking.

i had a conversation with someone earlier today about hiding things from friends. through the entire conversation i kept thinking in my head that i don't hide things.

i am hiding so much from people its not even funny. 

i had the strangest dream the other night. but i'm not sure i want to write it down here, because i woke up and was pretty upset. its kind of petty and stupid, because the dream shouldn't have been a really emotional one, but it was. i guess just when you believe someone is looking you in the eye and telling you how they really feel is difficult in ( Read more... )

things i need to stop doing...

eating.
swearing.

obsessing.

making my mother feel bad.

complaining.

being lazy.
pretending i know more than i really do.
judging people.
judging myself.
thinking about dying.
thinking about my mother dying.
thinking about my sister dying.
believing that i'm right.
being overtly humble, when i know i don't need to be.
giving ( Read more... )

Today, I just realized that a lot of people I thought were really awesome when I was younger SUCK. 
I think thats a good thing. 

i had a dream last night where i was 40 years old and i had three children (boys) named terin, kindil, and jansi (said like yahn-see)
i have no idea who i was married to, but i know that he was either from india or the philippines.