If it is any consolation, and I'm sure it won't be much if any, you are in good company. For a variable mix of reasons a lot of relationships end this way. My own theory of relationships is that you realize the one you are in is over when you find yourself attracted to someone enough to yearn to be with them more than the person you are with. Even if it's fantasy, not reciprocated, and the thinking parts would never let you act upon it anyway. And I'm not talking about lust for the pretty... It is also a sign of emotional insecurity that someone can't give up what they have until they have someone to jump to. Whether that involves the most common definition of cheating or not depends on the person. But that's all theory and words. I'm sorry this happened to you, finding out someone is not who you thought they were even three years later still stings. Way more than your hand.
Our breakup happened in a particular way based on information. The following almost 3 years of friendship were based on an understanding of a particular timeline. This timeline indicated a modicum of respect and proper behaviour.
This news seriously changes that timeline and means that even as we were breaking up he lied to me. I specifically asked if he had dated or done anything else and he specifically said no.
It seems that he parcels out information, denying the existence of additional information until such time as he seems fit.
This is not healthy and it's manipulative. That is what I'm angry about. If he had just told me then that he'd already started dating, I'd have been pissed (rightfully so) but I wouldn't have punched him. We also wouldn't have remained friends.
I was trying to be as general as possible as I knew I didn't have all the details. For someone who thinks as highly of you as I do I don't keep in touch much. I suck. If misinformation and manipulation are his MO then yeah it's not healthy and it's manipulative and you have a right to be pissed at him. You know him better than I by a very wide margin. But as a general statement, it is pretty common for the "is there someone else" to be followed by "no" whether it is true or not. Sometimes because its true, sometimes to avoid an argument/scene/getting tossed out now instead of end of month, sometimes out of genuine guilt for not ending properly and wanting to spare you a final insult. (I always hope it's the last one). It's never right, it is always better to be honest and accept the way it turns out because as countless public figures have shown, even 20 yrs later it can still hurt and can still destroy a relationship.
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I hope at least your bruise is pretty. :)
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I have a couple of photos that I will try to get on line soon.
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I'm no where close to being in the know, but I think *maybe* I know who this is about, and am happy. Also cause that's gotta be satisfying.
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We had maintained this friendship after the fact that was supposedly based on respect.
I'm a bit of an idiot.
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My own theory of relationships is that you realize the one you are in is over when you find yourself attracted to someone enough to yearn to be with them more than the person you are with. Even if it's fantasy, not reciprocated, and the thinking parts would never let you act upon it anyway. And I'm not talking about lust for the pretty...
It is also a sign of emotional insecurity that someone can't give up what they have until they have someone to jump to. Whether that involves the most common definition of cheating or not depends on the person.
But that's all theory and words. I'm sorry this happened to you, finding out someone is not who you thought they were even three years later still stings. Way more than your hand.
Reply
Our breakup happened in a particular way based on information.
The following almost 3 years of friendship were based on an understanding of a particular timeline. This timeline indicated a modicum of respect and proper behaviour.
This news seriously changes that timeline and means that even as we were breaking up he lied to me. I specifically asked if he had dated or done anything else and he specifically said no.
It seems that he parcels out information, denying the existence of additional information until such time as he seems fit.
This is not healthy and it's manipulative. That is what I'm angry about. If he had just told me then that he'd already started dating, I'd have been pissed (rightfully so) but I wouldn't have punched him. We also wouldn't have remained friends.
Reply
If misinformation and manipulation are his MO then yeah it's not healthy and it's manipulative and you have a right to be pissed at him. You know him better than I by a very wide margin. But as a general statement, it is pretty common for the "is there someone else" to be followed by "no" whether it is true or not. Sometimes because its true, sometimes to avoid an argument/scene/getting tossed out now instead of end of month, sometimes out of genuine guilt for not ending properly and wanting to spare you a final insult. (I always hope it's the last one). It's never right, it is always better to be honest and accept the way it turns out because as countless public figures have shown, even 20 yrs later it can still hurt and can still destroy a relationship.
Reply
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