what a shitty thing to do to someone. for someone else. and its not even going to work out. and i knew it wasnt. its makes no sense. and its really unfair. im really just pissed now ( Read more... )

i deleted a really important email. and with that said i may have just failed the easiest class ever because i didnt go to the important class. fuck me.

but i got almost $70 for my bio book.

sweet.

according to the schedule and the pattern, today was an okay day. i have had a lump in my throat for a week that wont go away. i cant cry anymore (sheryl crow). but seriously, i tried today and nothing happened. im back in that hole where i dont really know who i am. being in a relationship helped me. gave me something to care about and think about ( Read more... )

i really need the cable to come back on. ive missed ellen, oprah, and regis and kelly for the past three days. maybe thats why i cant eat. i feel gross and weird in the past week. whats up with that? i should shower. im stinking up the joint.

and i know i shouldnt care and that this shouldnt bother me and that i shouldnt even think about it, but i do think about it and it does bother me because i dont want him to hate me. i dont know who changed the information in the profile but i think he thinks i did it. i can assure you i wouldnt do something like that. and i dont want to be hated ( Read more... )

im happy that this year is almost over. it really wasnt good. mom put it into perspective at dinner: grandma kenton died. buddy died. my relationship turned to shit ( Read more... )

it sucks. it hurts to be broken. i have good friends and family i know. but i was happy in the relationship (until recently of course). then again, no one can make you happy. you have to make yourself happy before you can let someone else in. i just wish he could have said stuff like that to me and not been so deceiving. so i am going to make ( Read more... )

i wish i was as happy as i act sometimes. i wish i was as strong as i think people want me to be. i wish i didnt have dreams like i have lately. i wish people told the truth when it matters the most. i wish the nights werent so hard. i wish i wasnt so lonely. i wish a little bit that i got out sooner. i wish i could meet someone mature and honest ( Read more... )

its really hard.

i know he reads this. and he already knows how i feel. but its really hard. i miss the little things. but were better off this way.

i wasnt attacking. i was being a little immature about it. but i had to get my point across at a level that he understands. and what i said in the previous two entries was mean. but thats the way i felt at the time. now i feel a little less like that. i dont hate him all the way. i have little respect for someone who breaks my heart. thats natural ( Read more... )