Rite of Passage.

[cruelbitch]

Let's talk shit about marriage.

In advance: Appy-polly-logies to those of y'all who have been there, done that, while I armchair critique sans experience. I sympathize that it must be heavily obnoxious to read my disjointed musings about a general Fact of Life(TM), but this will only take a moment

Comments

[apis_cerana]

Can I link to this post? :))

[cruelbitch]

You have permission. ;)

[kekekekekekeke]

ugh your step-father >:O

My mom has a cousin who ~fused~ their two last names together

idk what two names were before but they became ~the winterfelds~

I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY NAME EVER I LIKE IT!!

[cruelbitch]

Seriously. My last name rocks immensely.

I remember as a kid (who had an entire family's worth of children born out of wedlock, in conjunction with my neighbors being in similar circumstances) thinking that marriage was something that happened to other people. Imagine how flustered I was when I discovered that this thing called marriage exists, and I was supposed to change my (INCREDIBLY AWESOME) last name. Jeez, thank god I'm a lady lover.

[ex_lost_kit]

I've always said that I think people should stop being so reactively defensive over allegations of racism, sexism, etc. Sometimes these things really are relatively innocuous, if not positively reasonable (one of the first arguments I got into on s_f was over "rational racism.") Adopting your SO's name is really one of those things... yes, it's perpetuating a patriarchal tradition, but it's really not a big deal. It doesn't give husbands a sense of ownership that they wouldn't have otherwise, etc. Just admit that it's a sexist institution and shrug it off, don't tie yourself in knots about how it's not because you freely submit to it. On the one hand, if people weren't so kneejerk about sexism/racism/etc., they might not be as aggressive in calling them out... but they might also become more critical of themselves and expand their conceptions of these things as well. Which I'd like to see as a good thing, because I think that just making racism/sexism as taboos is a shamefully blunt way of dealing with these issues.

[onthetide]

You're such a dumb motherfucker.

[ex_lost_kit]

I'd guess that Jen would agree with me more than you'd like.

[cruelbitch]

What bothers me most is the outright denial, although I'll grant that my opinions extend into "why perpetuate this if you acknowledge it's sexist, isn't that pretty imbecilic?". However, I'm not idealist enough to believe my opinions alone will influence The Way That It Is, so I'll focus on the self-deception for now.

As to granting ownership that didn't exist previously, I'm inclined to agree -- perpetuating a minor sexist tradition isn't indicative that the marriage itself is sexist or imbalanced, although I'd wager that the general patterns that encompass marital relationships can be rather skewed in favor of the husband, so perhaps the name/aisle predicament is merely symptomatic. I'm not sure if it harbors a residual effect on the individual, but in the aggregate it's really fucking bad to kowtow to a tradition that's so aimless. I also worry that the assigned entitlement will trickle into other aspects of the partnership: the same self-important rage that fuels the "What? Are you too good to give up your name for me?" may

[meleth]

I'm currently engaged in a discussion of how facials can't be degrading, because people enjoy and choose them. Clearly, liking something means it can be in no way degrading, sexist, or otherwise problematic.

COMMENT STEALING.

[tsunami]

This is one of those things that always makes me sit there and stare blankly into space because I can't possibly believe people think like that. They're the same people that think "rape play" in bed is all in good fun. But hey, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT PEOPLE DO, WHY DO YOU CARE, OMG.

[cruelbitch]

Oh god, where is this happening? Sex wank is the most head-spinny topic for me.

[meleth]

It's in sf_d, I think. Sean posted facial wank, and the whole thing was just vile. I'm trying to argue that a) facials can be degrading, and b) that the mere fact that people enjoy something does not make it not degrading.

[phlegm_noir]

I've never met one of these 1% of husbands. I'd be one of them if I ever got married, since my last name is an unpronounceable hyphenated mess, and neither of my parents use it anymore. Let's not forget that if all marriages hyphenate, a name at n generations has 2^n + 1 hyphens in it. Of which its social security card recognizes zero.

[cruelbitch]

Sure. I can understand both elements. On one hand, hyphens are obnoxious (but could likely be alleviated by condensing the name?). By the same token, various other cultures employ this tradition and they manage just fine. So.

I haven't met a single man in the 1% category either, with the exception of my biological father -- but he didn't marry my mother, so I suppose it doesn't count.