i used to think infidelity was one of the most heinous of all crimes. make no mistake i haven't. im not sure that thinking about it constitues as a crime but im pretty sure it almost does. i guess when your not beatiful and vulnerable it makes you weak. i wonder if i was truly flawless maybe i wouldnt have this problem. i need to stop leading men ( Read more... )

I knew I should be studying, not so much to better my life but to pay the bills. Serving tables was never a dream of mine but sometimes dream jobs don't pay. The same old sad story. I should be studying a menu to sell more expensive food to people who don't want it. I know a lot about food so this should be easy for me to make a buck. I should be ( Read more... )

Ahhh politics. It is interesting how they can affect everyone. I found a job that I thought was right for me. Decent pay, elegant cakes for rich clientele, fun and independent. Then a little shy of two weeks they let me go. The boss was oc, nobody spoke English and my friend thinks its racial discrimination. She believes the old Mexicans didn't ( Read more... )

there are many other ways i can say that. i could make it sound complex but thats not what im saying it all. i was abosolutely compelled to write this. sadly my inspiration was a combined but very dramatic 2 hours of last week's Grey's Anatomy, and then yeterdays. At the end of the night when you stay awake no matter how much good you can do, your ( Read more... )

I never thought I'd end up like this. I used to have potential. I didn't feel like this before. I have no motivation. I'm not lazy but I'm miserable at work. Its hard to push myself. I'm so anxious. I'm so afraid of screwing up. I though I was going to amount to so much more than this. I wish I was more of a leader. Today Ben came back from his ( Read more... )

Work was making me ill. That may be a Southen phrase. I don't even know anymore. I started eating again. The knot's started to loosen in my stomach. I think I put on an extra pound of two this week. I lost close to 10 pounds within a two week span and everyone noticed. I got compliments. Not that I was big before...But now that I'm eating again I'm ( Read more... )

There is actually a chill here creeping into my apartment. In FLorida. I'm alone in my apartment. I am such a mess. And everything was going so well for so long. I went home and unlike in June it wasn't great. I feel almost indifferent about it. I think that since June I feel different and I think a lot of other people have changed too. What can ( Read more... )

I need this vacation. It is a desperate need not a want. My job has just destroyed me inside. I'm so anxious and nervous. I think I'm just a glutton for the abuse. Anyone would say just leave but its not that easy. I love what I do I just feel like I don't belong there...but I've never felt i've fit in anywhere. I work with gay guys and women. Who ( Read more... )

If I don't leave the Grand FLoridian I am going to lose my mind completely. I don't know how one place can do this to a person. I have never felt so much negative energy in one place before. It makes me claustrophobic as it pushes in every direction. Something about tolerating some nasty people for days that turn into weeks, into months and lastly ( Read more... )

There is a great feeling of relief when I throw out pounds of paperwork. I love to free myself from obligation. I also love to scan all the rooms of my place looking for junk, and just liquadating garbage. I'm smiling typing this because I'm learning to let go, finally. It gives me some strength and satisfaction to leave all this. Done it once, I ( Read more... )