On the perils of online dating

[crypticgirl]

I’ve been doing the online dating thing for a little while now, and I’m discovering some disturbing trends. I started out like Bambi, in the wild on my own for the first time, all “Oh, that nice man with the gun won’t hurt me. I should go and say hello!” Then I learned about the word ‘venison’. Okay, it’s not quite that bad - I have been lucky

Comments

[trouserteeth]

Can I add number 8?

"Nerds/Geeks" Those guys who think repeatedly stating in their profile that they regard themselves as a real nerd and/or geek shit me. If you have to say "I'm very nerdy" then either you aren't or you don't realise that you should fill out the interests and hobbies section.

Try being a single parent and using those sites! Not only do you have poo flung at you by the Number 4's, but then you have to dodge the ones who think you are stupid, careless, want more kids and digging for meal-ticket.

I spent way too much time on the forum. Scary.

[blarglefiend]

The "nerds/geeks" thing applies to women too. I see far too many profiles where they claim to be some sort of geek because "tee hee, I play Bejewelled!".

If you're someone who genuinely geeks out about things it ought to be fairly apparent without your having to say so.

[crypticgirl]

I see far too many profiles where they claim to be some sort of geek because "tee hee, I play Bejewelled!".

*clears throat* Ahem. Then again, I don't think I ever claimed to be a geek, even though other people have accused me of it.

[blarglefiend]

You're not a computer geek, you're a policy wonk. Which is another type of geek.

[blarglefiend]

I wonder how often #4 would be devout Catholics? There are plenty of Catholics who pick and choose Church doctrine, but "no divorce, no consorting with people who've been divorced" used to be a pretty strong one.

I have pretty much given up on online-dating stuff for the time being. A few months ago I was looking at OKCupid at least once a day, now it's maybe once a fortnight and only very briefly.

[crypticgirl]

Religion could play a part for Number Fours, but I've seen a couple of profiles where they've listed themselves as agnostic or not religious.

Yeah, I'm at the 'giving up and putting my head in the sand' point too, especially after recent events. I'm halfheartedly poking at a couple of Places Which Are Not OkCupid, but the average literacy level and effort going into profiles seems to be much lower.

[blarglefiend]

Have you considered trying to use LibraryThing as a dating tool?

(No idea if it would work.)

[crypticgirl]

Huh. Interesting idea, possumly worth exploring.

[riverstar]

ive been using a dating site aswell
and i have decided that all men are liars and posers
and they all love sport, are easy going, and "dont mind the axe im my profile picure....im not a crazy murder...really!"

[crypticgirl]

i have decided that all men are liars and posers

Given that I met Matt and a couple of casual flings through OkCupid, I think I'd have to rephrase this as "most men are liars and posers".

"dont mind the axe im my profile picure....im not a crazy murder...really!"

At least one of my profiles explicitly says that axe wielding murderers need not apply. I mean, if I'm going to be killed by a date it needs to be something intimate like strangulation. :P

[riverstar]

heh
i agreee that most of the men are lairs and posers
there seems to be a few nice ones about
maybe i should add aomething like that to my profile. But i do usually ask guys who contact me if they are creepy stalker types after i had one:)
the usually tell me no....or they stop talking to me:)

[crypticgirl]

Ack. I'm sorry you had to go through such a crap experience as having a creepy stalker type. :(

the usually tell me no....or they stop talking to me:)

Bwah! Sounds like you're weeding out the ones without a sense of humour at the same time. I hope your luck gets better soon!

[purpletigress]

I think the problem is with the online dating site world, rather than online dating generally. There are some fantastic guys floating around online, but they may not be posting profiles, at least not in the mainstream. Maybe you need to participate in communities? At least you'll find (hopefully literate) people with common interests.

[crypticgirl]

This is a good suggestion. Because I'm someone with a breadth of interests rather than a depth in a particular field, it's hard to implement though. There seem to be a lot of communities out there for people interested in very specific things, but mostly I'm a generalist!

If you've got any suggestions on how to overcome that one I'd really, genuinely, this-is-me-totally-squeezing-sarcasm-out-of-this-message like to hear them.

[purpletigress]

I choose to ignore sarcasm and make a suggestion anyway ;-) Maybe then you should consider what common interests it'd be great for a guy to share. Some things it doesn't matter so much if your partner is into, some things it matters more. For me, I could care less whether Steve shares a lot of my music taste, as I can go to concerts with my family, but I do care whether he likes the same films as me. *shrugs* To with it what you will!

[crypticgirl]

Oh dear. I actually meant the message to say "I'm really not being sarcastic, please don't take it that way"! Serves me right for typing past 10pm, really. :) Thank you for the suggestion!