Kids and Crohn's/Colitis

[gizzard]

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. I think it might, and that may be why I've not seen this discussed since I've been part of this community (a few years), but is something I'm really curious to find out other people's perspectives, especially those who've gone through it

Comments

[0generator0]

My husband and I have decided to be child free, and the genetic issues that run through my family are part of many reasons. I have UC and not Crohn's and it comes from my father's side.

I think the fact that you are giving this a lot of thought is a good indication that you've got what it takes to be a good parent. So many people have kids without thinking through the negative aspects and only focus on the positive.

There is no reason that having kids should be a mandatory part of life. There are a lot of people that simply should not have children. There are also people I know who are chronically ill and are fantastic parents.

It is a personal decision that only you and your partner should make for yourselves. I don't think it is something you should ever feel like you HAVE to do, but if you really want it then I don't think illness and genetics alone should keep you from doing it.

[pandorasblog]

We decided not to have kids - he's had strong convictions since his teens that he wouldn't want to bring a child into the world we live in, and since I have severe Crohn's I suspect I'd be a lightning rod for every possible complication that the disease could throw into the pregnancy/childbirth mix. Plus I'm just a big wuss. The fact I use a PEG tube renders the whole thing rather moot, to my mind - an expanding belly would surely mess with that whole situation

[gizzard]

Really interesting point, and it made me think back to why there's so much guilt. My mum was a nurse, knew exactly what to look for and told my doctor on our first appointment she thought it could be crohn's. He tested me, the barium meal showed nothing (no idea why), then he went about proving my mum wrong for five years, point blank refusing that crohn's was genetic. The fact mum had tried suggest what was wrong with me backfired completely - this guy's ego was more important - can't be told what to do by a nurse!.

I guess - i hope - that this sort of tool doctor is rare, especially 20 years later, but then you hear of so many people taking the same amount of years to get a diagnosis in this day and age that my confidence in being able to prevent it - especially in the UK on the NHS - are relatively low based on past experiences. Thanks for bringing this up, food for thought :)

[pandorasblog]

That's true - there can be a lot of reasons why they ignore actually very useful information that patients and families present to them. You are, in many ways, reliant on luck of the draw with doctors.

Barium meal - they can be incredibly hit and miss: if the barium passes through very fast (and if you've been fasting, and skipped anti-diarrhoeals, AND you're flaring, it probably will) then the pictures don't always give a clear picture. And my old GI said that if a stricture is well imaged, sometimes things below it don't show up well... I get the feeling barium meals are mostly useful for getting a "something is general amiss" stamp on your medical passport that would validate further testing/surgery....

[gows]

Next step, kids - right? . . . I should follow suit I guess, that's nature....

Um. Crohn's or no, I urge people to have kids only if they really want said offspring, not because it "seems like the next step." And I urge all parents to be on the same page regarding their desire for children--which, any illnesses aside, is kind of a selfish choice anyway, but one that's necessary to the continuation of the species.

Myself, I have chosen to remain child-free. I've never wanted kids, ever, but having Crohn's is an excellent reinforcer. My history with it is terrible, and in no way would I ever want to risk having someone I love go through that. (There's also the financial/economic considerations of responsibly deciding to have a child when there's a known risk factor in my genes--ie, I would want to have a job with excellent medical care, etc., but that's neither here nor there.)

As an extra-special bonus, carrying a child to term could have a horrific impact on my health, and I'm not willing to risk that. There's also the "

[gizzard]

Just to clear up the first point - I was always very against having kids because of the risks. Then at my age, so many friends now have their little bundle of joy that it makes me reconsider. I've started thinking differently about them through osmosis of the other baby obsessed people I know, and my facebook feed, it feels like they've just discovered the matrix, are all having fun in their own little worlds and I'm wondering what the fuss is about. So when i say that's life - it seems that's how a lot of people come to feel it's the right time, IME. I certainly felt that way about getting married, and that has worked out just fine. I hope it's clear I'm not some mook who is about to spawn because i've already got a house and a wife and wondering what I should be doing next. I've got quality video game time next, I'm just thinking a few years ahead

[victoria7]

I just went to a New Patient Worskshop put on by the Crohn's and Colitas Foundation of America. The doctor giving the lecture said there was a 9% chance of passing Crohn's to a child

[gizzard]

Don't worry, i totally appreciate the therapy comment ;) And you're right - I had an awful time and my reference to how a child would cope is based on my own experiences which were awful and I am indeed full of unresolved anger over three absolute rubbish doctors in succession. You don't get therapy in the UK easily…. My wife is still waiting for an appointment 9 months after being diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. I doubt I would ever get it unless I pay… until then there's always LJ ;)

[anansi]

I'm currently pregnant with my first, but I have given this a fair bit of thought. I'd heard the 10% statistic as well, and no one else in my immediate or (very large) extended family has crohn's, so it doesn't seem like my illness was as a result of genetics