(no subject)
Title: Better Than Paperwork: Part I
Fandom: Crossover: Keeping Up Appearances and Primeval
Rating: G
Summary: A dodo appears in Hyacinth's living room. Connor and Abby are sent to investigate.
Disclaimer: Characters and settings do not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author Notes: I'm not sure if anybody except me is interested in both fandoms, but here you go. ;)
Part I :: Part II
Jenny smiled at Connor and Abby as they entered the room. "Thanks for coming. It seems we have an incidence of a creature from an anomaly getting through our cordon and entering a civilian home."
"What creature?" Abby asked, with a frown as she sat down. She hadn't heard anything on the news about some dinosaur traipsing its way down some suburban street or a future predator terrorising some family or anything like that.
"Apparently a dodo, but we're not sure," Jenny admitted. "We have the tape of the police call," she added as she leaned over to press the button on the tape player. "It's how we were informed of the incident."
The tape player made a whirring noise as it started playing.
"...police station. Constable Wilkes spe..."
"Ah yes," an overly loud female voice interrupted the police officer. "My name is Hyacinth Bouquet."
There was the sound of typing. "Hyacinth, like the flower? Bouquet, like..."
"Bouquet, spelled B-U-C-K-E-T," the female voice interrupted again. Abby exchanged an incredulous look with Connor.
"Ma'am?"
"B-U-C-K-E-T."
"Yes, Mrs Bucket."
"It's Bouquet," the female voice said, sounding exasperated.
"What is your emergency, Mrs Buc... Bouquet?"
"There is this creature in my living room! I will not have creatures in my living room. I only had the carpets redone last week with most expensive Persian carpeting and I will not have this creature muddying up my carpets!"
There was a muffled sound on the tape that Abby thought could have been a laugh. "I suggest, ma'am, that you take the dog or cat outside. This line is for emergencies only."
"I am very experienced at identifying animals! This is neither a dog nor cat!" the woman said indignantly. "My son Sheridan is at a polytechnic of university quality!"
There was a coughing sound. "As I said ma'am, this line is for emergencies only. You could take the animal, whatever animal it is, outside."
Another man's voice came over the crackling phone line, slightly muffled. "I think it's a dodo. I looked in that big book we have on our bookshelf that we never use."
"Don't be ridiculous, Richard!"
Jenny reached over and pressed the stop button on the tape player. "It goes on for another minute or so, before Constable Wilkes hangs up. I would like both of you to check it out. Capture the dodo, if there is one."
"That woman sounds certifiably crazy," Connor protested.
"That might be," Jenny agreed calmly. "But since I've been assigned here to take care of public relations, that's what I'm going to do. This could be a public relations disaster."
"What about the rest of the team?" Abby asked.
"Paperwork," Jenny told them with a smile. "Now, if there is a dodo there, I expect you to stick to the official story. It escaped from a private collector."
Abby sighed and scraped back her chair. She really wasn't looking forward to meeting the woman behind the loud and shrill voice. From the look on Connor's face, he wasn't relishing the experience either. Still, she thought, it's bound to be better than paperwork!
Part II
Fandom: Crossover: Keeping Up Appearances and Primeval
Rating: G
Summary: A dodo appears in Hyacinth's living room. Connor and Abby are sent to investigate.
Disclaimer: Characters and settings do not belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author Notes: I'm not sure if anybody except me is interested in both fandoms, but here you go. ;)
Part I :: Part II
Jenny smiled at Connor and Abby as they entered the room. "Thanks for coming. It seems we have an incidence of a creature from an anomaly getting through our cordon and entering a civilian home."
"What creature?" Abby asked, with a frown as she sat down. She hadn't heard anything on the news about some dinosaur traipsing its way down some suburban street or a future predator terrorising some family or anything like that.
"Apparently a dodo, but we're not sure," Jenny admitted. "We have the tape of the police call," she added as she leaned over to press the button on the tape player. "It's how we were informed of the incident."
The tape player made a whirring noise as it started playing.
"...police station. Constable Wilkes spe..."
"Ah yes," an overly loud female voice interrupted the police officer. "My name is Hyacinth Bouquet."
There was the sound of typing. "Hyacinth, like the flower? Bouquet, like..."
"Bouquet, spelled B-U-C-K-E-T," the female voice interrupted again. Abby exchanged an incredulous look with Connor.
"Ma'am?"
"B-U-C-K-E-T."
"Yes, Mrs Bucket."
"It's Bouquet," the female voice said, sounding exasperated.
"What is your emergency, Mrs Buc... Bouquet?"
"There is this creature in my living room! I will not have creatures in my living room. I only had the carpets redone last week with most expensive Persian carpeting and I will not have this creature muddying up my carpets!"
There was a muffled sound on the tape that Abby thought could have been a laugh. "I suggest, ma'am, that you take the dog or cat outside. This line is for emergencies only."
"I am very experienced at identifying animals! This is neither a dog nor cat!" the woman said indignantly. "My son Sheridan is at a polytechnic of university quality!"
There was a coughing sound. "As I said ma'am, this line is for emergencies only. You could take the animal, whatever animal it is, outside."
Another man's voice came over the crackling phone line, slightly muffled. "I think it's a dodo. I looked in that big book we have on our bookshelf that we never use."
"Don't be ridiculous, Richard!"
Jenny reached over and pressed the stop button on the tape player. "It goes on for another minute or so, before Constable Wilkes hangs up. I would like both of you to check it out. Capture the dodo, if there is one."
"That woman sounds certifiably crazy," Connor protested.
"That might be," Jenny agreed calmly. "But since I've been assigned here to take care of public relations, that's what I'm going to do. This could be a public relations disaster."
"What about the rest of the team?" Abby asked.
"Paperwork," Jenny told them with a smile. "Now, if there is a dodo there, I expect you to stick to the official story. It escaped from a private collector."
Abby sighed and scraped back her chair. She really wasn't looking forward to meeting the woman behind the loud and shrill voice. From the look on Connor's face, he wasn't relishing the experience either. Still, she thought, it's bound to be better than paperwork!
Part II