I miss him. Everyday. Every minute of everyday. And I can't tell him.

 Another disappointing rainy day.

 I'm too sad for words. Too messed up to function.

I can't allow myself to think of him, us, the memories.
But I'm terrified I'll forget.

 Sometimes its just too hard to argue, too hard to get the words out. But its also really, really hard to let things pass. 
I think the trying to decide which "hard" I want to engage in is the most difficult part.

Went to Erie to visit David. It was a good weekend. I needed to escape and not worry about anyone or anything but exactly what was ( Read more... )

How is it just a mere 17 days from Christmas? What happened to getting shopping done early? What happened to being prepared? What happened to my money? I guess a month before Christmas was not the time to be out of work for 2 1/2 weeks ( Read more... )

I'm feeling restless and itching to escape.

Don't know what I really am escaping from, but I cannot seem to just find solace in anything these days. Time for a getaway.

I'm feeling particularly lonely tonight. Why tonight out of the past 7 days, I cannot seem to wrap my head around.

Another 7 to go? 8 maybe?

I want to learn to control myself.

Its not going well.

Its not going to be a good time.

I don't want to ruin this. 

It was supposed to be a nice night. A nice dinner, relaxing evening spent together. Another evening like this tomorrow.

Now its tense. And weird. Of course its my fault. Apparently Im the only one who is diappointed with the situation.

Whatever.

Things aren't supposed to get more tense. They aren't supposed to become difficult all of the sudden and they certainly aren't supposed to make you wish that they weren't said. They are supposed to be happy words. Words that have had little to no meaning for me for years....Now I fear that they might end up the same way.

I get that its difficult. ( Read more... )