Well, it is possible that he didn't realize just how much his change in plans would affect you, seeing as he's in boot camp and all. That doesn't change the fact that he expects the world to revolve around him though, which is pretty poor. I was shocked to read that he thought joining the Marines was a sacrifice he was doing for you, that's absurd. He washed out of school, can't hold a job... you know, there are plenty of people who look to the military as a career, who have planned to join for years to make leaders out of themselves. I grew up around those type of people. I know them intimately, and Tom isn't one of them at all
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I never said that he thought that joining the marines was a sacrifice for me, rather I meant he better not think it is. Because he didn't sacrifice anything for me. And you have it 100% wrong. He wanted to join the marines for himself. I know this because we have very indepth discussions about this months prior to him leaving. It is for him, but I don't want him to ever think it was a sacrifice for me. That was Michelle talking, not Tom. And you didn't grow up with Tom intimately at all, so please tell me how you can compare your friends to him. You can't! You can only compare what you know of him through me, which is really only negative right now because I feel negative about him
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You're going to have to let go of that if you ever want your relationship to work. Whether you're right or wrong for feeling like you've made all the sacrifices, or that he's not appreciating you...doesn't really matter. If you can't drop it and forgive him, it won't work. It will just build up and poison your relationship.
Like I said, you're not wrong for feeling that way, but you have to decide whether or not it's more important for you to feel that way, or for your relationship to work. It's a sucky place to be, and yes it seems like another sacrifice, but it's basically a relationship litmus test.
Would you want to spend the rest of your life angry at Tom over this? What could he really do to make you less angry? What is the solution for him? What is the solution for you? Have you two discussed your feelings about all the debt you piled up to help him?
And next time I see you I'll tell you about the person I'm really close to who is going through something that is basically analogous...and coming to those same conclusions.
Have you two discussed your feelings about all the debt you piled up to help him?No. No. And double no. That's part of the problem!!! He doesn't know what is affecting me, I can't talk to him about it, and instead it eats me up and I get angrier, more upset, and hateful about it. I can't blame him because of the lack of communication, and I feel that once we talk about this, things will be just fine. I don't want to keep this bottled up
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I can only say it is my hope that he hasn't thought through how his changing plans would affect you. It IS really hard on a relationship when you have made financial sacrifices as well as planned your time and energy to be with someone, and then he changes plans! It's rude. I have faith that you can call him on it in a candid, no-nonsense manner, and hopefully it will work out. If it doesn't, you are a beautiful and smart woman and whatever guy you are with better realize he's lucky. Just sayin'.
I think he doesn't realize the extent to which he really fucked up the plans. And I will tell him when I see him. I will probably lay it on thick to make him feel guilty, cause..well, he should. I had plans that were focused around what he told me, plans that worked out with my schedule and his. Then he changed it around HIS family's schedule so that I end up with the short end of the stick
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Hey, you know I called you before I even wrote anything, but your GM said you weren't home yet.
Feel free to call and yell at me though, I have a long drive this afternoon.
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I'm very careful to always do that.
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Like I said, you're not wrong for feeling that way, but you have to decide whether or not it's more important for you to feel that way, or for your relationship to work. It's a sucky place to be, and yes it seems like another sacrifice, but it's basically a relationship litmus test.
Would you want to spend the rest of your life angry at Tom over this? What could he really do to make you less angry? What is the solution for him? What is the solution for you? Have you two discussed your feelings about all the debt you piled up to help him?
And next time I see you I'll tell you about the person I'm really close to who is going through something that is basically analogous...and coming to those same conclusions.
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