I do not know. Very interesting question. My Dad was definitely the hugger, but it was more my acceptance and need of that hug than anything. I asked my minister once, "How do you know when to hug and when not to?" A matter of reading people is what he said in a nut shell. As a hugger who puts her whole self into the exchange, I can feel the stiffness and uncomfortableness in someone who doesn't like that contact. I will back off a bit from that, but when I know someone who wants and likes hugs, I go for it. I don't think there would be a correlation between silence and non-hugging other than if the anger behind the silent treatment would keep you separated from another human being and the hug would feel invasive.
I think she is the source of the silent treatment. She did not have the explosive temper that Dad had and I do remember silence, but not as a method between us kids. We used to fight like little terrors. I think you and I may have used the silent treatment in high school I know that we were at odds at least some of the time. I am glad things are not like that now. The sibling who uses silence the most is the one who was home alone with Mom and Dad the longest, so that might be why she uses it most. I can't stand silence, so it has never worked in my house. Pretty quickly I demand talking time and attention. Silence more often happens because we are both so busy we end up being passing ships, that happens now more than it has in years. I miss our morning walks, but I don't sleep a well as I could because I am listening for someone moving around at night. Whatever.
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2. If yelling is fire in Robert Frost's "Fire & Ice" fomulation, then silence is ice. I'm definitely on the icy side.
3. Is there some correlation between the tendency to use "the silent treatment" as an emotional weapon and the "non-hugging family" history?
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My Dad was definitely the hugger, but it was more my acceptance and need of that hug than anything.
I asked my minister once, "How do you know when to hug and when not to?" A matter of reading people is what he said in a nut shell.
As a hugger who puts her whole self into the exchange, I can feel the stiffness and uncomfortableness in someone who doesn't like that contact. I will back off a bit from that, but when I know someone who wants and likes hugs, I go for it.
I don't think there would be a correlation between silence and non-hugging other than if the anger behind the silent treatment would keep you separated from another human being and the hug would feel invasive.
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