it has. i always feel self concious after i post something like this, like i'm being too serious or dramatic, but i almost always feel a lot better after i have it all out of my system. <3 <3
it's serious and dramatic subject matter. mevermind the fact that it's your journal. we're all just observing...it's YOU and your thoughts that matter.
i kind of understand what you mean in the very beginning when you were talking about how you just sort of carried on with life, but when you heard about your professor you felt so stunned. that's sort of how it is with me and when my dad died. we all knew it was coming, we had this entire six months or more to prepare for it. so the morning it happened, and i got called down to the office and so on and so forth, i just knew.. and it was, like, okay. i stayed at school for the rest of the day, but teachers sort of pulled me out of class to do pointless things, like glueing construction paper to something... *shrugs*
i guess the point is that you don't need to feel guilty about that kind of thing. i don't know if you did or not, but it's okay really. it doesn't really mean that you loved alan more than grandpa, ya know? i'm not even sure if that's what you were trying to convey... i just thought i'd speak up and share my experiences.
your mom and grandpa both sound wonderfully, strong people.
you probably don't need to hear this because i'm sure you've heard it too many times in your life, but i am so, so sorry about your dad. i cannot even imagine what it must be like to lose a parent, even if you knew it was coming, and i think you and your family are so strong for dealing with it. and thanks for your reply, i know what you mean.. i think it's probably completely natural for one person to deal with grief in multiple ways, but it still sucks each time
( ... )
jill, i'm so sorry. i remember everyone talking about your grandpa on thanksgiving, and how he stayed with your grandma instead of coming to eat with us, and i remember thinking he must be really devoted. i hope you're doing alright, all things considered. i love you.
my sister gave the eulogy at his funeral, and it was all so much better than this somewhat angry and depressing entry i wrote. and most of it was happy memories, but she did mention my grandma at the nursing home, and she said, "he died believing that she would get better, and i think he was right. because i'm sure that the next time they meet, she will be just fine." and i don't think anyone could even handle it. it's one of the things i keep thinking about and there are tears in my eyes just typing it. i haven't really written about the funeral or my weekend at home at all until this reply and i don't know why since i have so much to say about it.
thank you for the reply <3 HUGE HUGS RIGHT BACK AT YA
YOU are incredible! i still feel stupid for this crazy rambling morbid reply i made in your journal a while ago. thank you for this reply, i love you tooo. <3
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i kind of understand what you mean in the very beginning when you were talking about how you just sort of carried on with life, but when you heard about your professor you felt so stunned. that's sort of how it is with me and when my dad died. we all knew it was coming, we had this entire six months or more to prepare for it. so the morning it happened, and i got called down to the office and so on and so forth, i just knew.. and it was, like, okay. i stayed at school for the rest of the day, but teachers sort of pulled me out of class to do pointless things, like glueing construction paper to something... *shrugs*
i guess the point is that you don't need to feel guilty about that kind of thing. i don't know if you did or not, but it's okay really. it doesn't really mean that you loved alan more than grandpa, ya know? i'm not even sure if that's what you were trying to convey... i just thought i'd speak up and share my experiences.
your mom and grandpa both sound wonderfully, strong people.
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i hope things are getting a little bit less crazy and up in the air and everything.
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HUGS.
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thank you for the reply <3 HUGE HUGS RIGHT BACK AT YA
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