Anxiety. Why am I the most anxious whenever I begin to feel truly content? I am afraid that the happiness washing over me will disappear at any moment and leave me cold and alone. Happiness is a dangerous thing. For the last couple of years, my usual mood has been that of a nearly deflated helium balloon, hanging barely above the rock-bottom ground ( Read more... )

I can't believe it ( Read more... )

He left for an indefinite amount of time. Left town. "Cya".

I should give up on him now. He doesn't care.

Oh, that adorable poet boy. His words intoxicated me. I wish his actions would too.

A Memory:

I am ten years old. My fifth-grade teacher is lecturing me in the hall outside of the classroom because I whispered a lewd joke to my friend during class. "Do you want to just coast through life?" he questions me. He is very frustrated with me and his frustration increases when I don't understand what he is asking me. I've never heard the ( Read more... )

Found his poetry in a cafe, Made sense of the sounds. Having to work at it made it more meaningful, like deciphering a mystical ancient text. Found him in the nebulous web of computers. We met. Wandered around downtown for hours, just talking, side by side. By the New Year I knew, knew I loved him. Never told him so. Slept in past noon in his bed ( Read more... )

He said that he was sorry for leading me on, he said he felt terrible. He said he could not be what I needed him to be nor even what I wanted him to be. I cried and cried because he didn't understand that all I wanted was to be loved. I cried because he couldn't love me ( Read more... )