This 25 year chapter has ended.

This 10 year saga is finished.

On to the next, I guess.

I guess.

I wouldn't have chosen this

A life of being yelled at

Calling names

Trying to resurface love

Why can't we see it for what it is and call it a day?

And move away?

Can we not let it dissolve, just resign ourselves to our corners of the house.

It would be better that way.

We don't have to be happy,

We just have to make it to the end of the day

So ( Read more... )

Here’s the thing -  I don’t know what to do. I’m always feeling like I need to get permission to do stuff, and then when I’m finally brave enough to ask for it the answer is usually no.

so tell me how much autonomy I have. Tell me what I’m allowed to do. What You want me to do. Tell me. I want to do something. Do You not tell me because You don’t ( Read more... )

I can be a nobody. I don't mind.

Might be a bit healthier than being a somebody.

Nobody notices a nobody. 

I want this marriage to dissolve. I wish he would see there's nothing here. But he hangs on. For a free house and little reason to work. He is a loser. Amounts to nothing. No talent. No drive. No will to help. Does nothing to take care of his wife and child.

She works. Takes care of the animals (lets the dog out, feeds her). Gets the kid up every ( Read more... )

Maybe one day he'll love me.
Maybe one day he'll lay his life down for me.

I will try to love him in the meantime. Lay my life down for him in the meantime. Perhaps he will follow. Perhaps he will soften.

I am hoping. 

Right now I am 33. In 11 days I'll be 34.

I have a kid. Two jobs. A dog and a cat.

I am currently typing this on a laptop my brother gave me. The space bar seems to stick a little.

I've been in this particular season of life for a little over a year. The year before that was a preamble to this season. This has been a long rough.

I have ( Read more... )

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I'm in my office - in the Llano house. I just read a post on Larson's website. They're all moving on. Two years ago, I was in and they wanted me in. They welcomed me in and were excited for my gift of horn! I had reached out and he was humbled enough to say 'yes, join us ( Read more... )

Everything is changing ( Read more... )