Hypothetical for today.

[daize_]

If you were asked to donate sperm to a lesbian couple that was trying to concieve, would you do it?

(ok, I can tell this is more of an male-centric question, but bear with me).

I've been put in that situation at the moment, and I've made up my mind as to what I'm going to tell them. I'm just wondering what other people thought about this.

Comments

[certifiedwaif]

I'd never do this, so the only thing I can think of to ask is about the legal responsibility - if a child were conceived, would you have to contribute to the cost of raising it in any way?
And this sort of thing rather blows the concept of the nuclear family out of the water, doesn't it?

[daize_]

This is the main problem that I can concieve. One of the things that if I were to do it, I would have to place faith in two people I scarce know. I don't know what the legislation says about these things. Then again, this is not a sitatuation where it is a single mother, nor are they young and clueless. They are a well established couple that have better things with their life than to harrass an obviously penniless student for money. Still, I can see how that might one day be the case, should I ever come into a lot money. I wonder if there is a pre-conception agreement that is in place for these things?

I guess they also have the same concerns on their side.... that I would one day decide that I would want some contact with the child. So it is a gamble on both sides, really.

[panthagaria]

Regardless of your ideas of family or whether you would have a financial burden later, the fact remains that you would have a biological child in the world. So are you ready to in any way be a father? It is a huge responsibility as far as I can see. I believe that at some stage a child will want to and have the right to find out who their father is, so it is not a simple matter of sperm donation.

"... the main problem that I can conceive."
ha ha ha (sarcastic laugh)

So how are the other baits going then?

[daize_]

Depends. It will give it away, I suppose, but I've allways thought that the whole child/parent relationship was more complex than that. Then again, I tend to swing very much to the "nurture" rather than the "nature" end of things. Frankly, I think it takes a lot more to being a parent than having sex with someone. As far as I can see it in this case, it would be THEY who would be the parents. The parents are the ones that care and nurture the child, not the one that puts sperm in a cup

[aphobian]

Since my comment kinda blends in with the others....but isn't necessarily directly connected I'll shove it here.

The concept of an immediate family in itself seems lacking. If I was willing to donate sperm (which at this point I'm too uncertain about to be specific) I'd be looking into what they'd want from me once the child is born, what legally could be used against me in the future, and most importantly whether the couple are supplying the child with an extended family that has a plethora of different role models. Ultimately i tend to believe a sense of a stable family/community/something is more important overall.

[daize_]

I've had this "debate" with people for a couple of days now, and I'm curious of the different paths that it has taken. I would have thought that your point about legal responsibility would be a more immediate reaction to it, but alas it hasn't been. I am unsure of the legislation that is in place. I know that for the IVF program, it is illegal for the parents to know who the donor was. I don't know if this then applies in this particular example. Obviously, I would want to be absolved for responsibility of the child, wether fiscal or otherwise.

I find your final point the most important, and indeed something that everyone (including myself) has failed to account.... what sort of environment would this kid grow up in? I only know the couple, and from all accounts, they would make excellent parents. I don't know wether they have a SUPPORTIVE extended family, but that is something that I will be asking them. So thanks for that advice.