Fic: Cold Fusion, Chapter 7
Title: Cold Fusion, Chapter 7
Author: Dal Niente
Rating: T
Word Count: 3,697
Author's Note: Ugh, this chapter. This whole chapter drove me up the freaking wall. With the talking and the nosy friend. And. Just. Bluh.
Chapter 7
The interview airs three days later, in the morning. Megamind suspects people are getting tired of the same old stories about rebuilding and what to tell various insurance companies - very little else would explain the speedy release. He watches it, interested in spite of himself. He tells himself that he shouldn’t be interested, since Professor Anderson is probably a hack, but this is something he knows about and Roxanne is the one reporting.
The interview goes…not badly, but it could have gone better. Megamind knows Roxanne cannot stand pretension, and the young professor is more than pretentious, and Megamind can almost see her struggling to resist the urge to antagonize.
“…Not sure why the scientific community hasn’t looked further into cold fusion before,” Professor Anderson is saying, and oh, he sounds smug. It wouldn’t be hard to at least pretend to be earnestly amused, but no, he sounds smug. What’s worse, he seems to know it. “Obviously, it isn’t the impossibility they all think it is. Well, Miss Ritchi, do you have any questions?”
She hadn’t been going to ask, but the unspoken and obvious of-course-you-don’t in his tone is more than a little bit provoking. She glances down at her notes, crosses one leg over the other. “Actually, yes. I noticed you’ve used Uberwald’s Coefficient in several of your equations, but I couldn’t find how you’ve compensated for Draviadya’s Corollary to Phaeton’s Law.” She leans back a little bit, frowning. “Obviously, I’m not an expert in this field so it’s possible I missed your explanation, but I couldn’t find any mention of Draviadya in your report.”
Anderson blinks. “I…um. The terms of my hypothesis rendered Draviadya’s Corollary invalid. I didn’t need to consider it.”
“Wrong,” Megamind says aloud. He is grinning from ear to ear.
Roxanne arches an eyebrow. “Are you sure?” she asks. Her tone is still politely inquisitive; only someone who knew her well would be able to detect the steel under it. “Phaeton’s Law is one of the three universal laws. Wouldn’t any corollaries to a universal law be universal by extension?”
“It would appear so at first glance, but once you get into higher-level physics the universality breaks down a bit.”
His recovery is quick, Megamind will give him that, but he can tell Anderson is unsettled. He’s trying to snow Roxanne, trying to tell her she’s too stupid to understand, and Megamind knows from years of experience that that won’t work. Roxanne glances down at her notes again. “One more question, Professor, and then I’m afraid we’ll have to wrap this up.”
“Of course.”
“On page seventeen, you mention regulation of circulating currents. How do you plan to contain the inevitable coronal mass ejection resulting from a kinetic energy overload of those currents?”
Anderson laughs at that. “That’s not the sort of thing I’d expect a reporter to ask.”
“No, it isn’t,” she agrees, and waits.
Finally he sighs. “The dampening fields I outline on page nineteen should take care of any overloads.”
“Oh come on,” Megamind scoffs. “Your dampeners were modeled after the conditions on the sun.”
Onscreen, to his surprise, Roxanne has just said something similar. She’s quick.
“That’s true enough,” Anderson agrees.
“The sun emits solar flares regardless of any naturally-occurring dampening fields,” Roxanne points out, and then, when Anderson freezes for a second, adds, “I think I must have missed something else. I mean,” and offers up a bright little chuckle that sounds nothing like her, “I’m just a reporter, after all.” Her smile is all teeth, and Megamind actually laughs aloud. It’s nice not to be on the receiving end of that smile - actually, watching her put someone else in his place for once is pretty funny.
Anderson’s answering smile is brittle. “Yes, well, there were several contingency plans mentioned. They’re very specific, though, so I’m not surprised you missed them.”
It’s a good thing the show isn’t live, or Megamind would be on the phone and calling in. If there’s one thing he absolutely cannot stand, it’s a smug, smirking, holier-than-thou liar.
Roxanne raises her eyebrows and closes the interview for the sake of the camera, but Megamind is reaching for his phone and doesn’t notice.
I’m going to invert his kneecaps, he texts, and hits send.
Fifteen seconds later, who?
Anderson. For his students’ sakes.
he was a bit of an ass, yes
Megamind grins, and types out, What are you doing later?
But then he hesitates, smile fading, and his thumb wavers over the send button before he deletes the message. Because really, he has no business asking that.
A minute later, his phone beeps.
what are your plans for today?
And he stares at it for a full half a minute, trying to work out what that means. It might mean the same as what he had meant, but he isn’t even sure what he had meant, or whether his current train of thought is even making any sense. Finally he just shakes his head. Not much. Brainstorming. Why?
A pause. Beep. you have time for lunch?
It’s not a mention of a date, specifically, but Megamind can’t keep the smile off his face. Yes, absolutely, he has time for lunch. And dinner. And everything in between. But what he says is, Where and when? :)
the park. usual spot. Noon?
Texting is nice. There’s no way for Roxanne to see or hear just how happy this makes him. He has his pride, after all. Sounds good.
There is no response, after that, and after waiting for a little bit he goes off in search of Minion. He needs a distraction. There’s no way he’ll be able to come up with anything halfway decent with this on his mind.
What is he supposed to wear? He can’t go around in his usual leathers. For one thing, he’s still trying to stay more or less out of the public eye, and for another, it’s July. Even for him, spending any amount of time outdoors on a sunny July day in full supervillain regalia is a miserable idea. Street clothes? Shorts and t-shirts seem to be the norm for human males, but Megamind will be damned before he wears shorts.
Jeans, then? After a few seconds’ consideration, he has to admit that jeans would probably be the safest option for him.
Does he even have jeans? It isn’t like he’s needed them before.
He realizes then that he is dithering, and is appalled. He never dithers. He makes decisions, and stands by them until the bitter end. Sometimes he makes the wrong ones, but so far that’s only helped secure his reputation as a half-mad super-genius.
His reputation, which matters peanuts right now. He’s never had to worry about social norms or other people’s preferences before unless it’s in terms of violation. “Min-” he begins, then stops when he sees the note tacked to the refrigerator. Minion is out running errands, picking up spare parts from nearby junkyards.
The only other person he could possibly call for advice is Wayne, and he isn’t yet so desperate that he’ll call Metro Man for dating advice. Or any other advice, for that matter. He groans. This was all so much easier when he was pretending to be Bernard.
He looks up. Bernard.
Bernard could work. Megamind doesn’t know whether Roxanne wants him to go as himself or as Bernard, but he knows he'll be safe as Bernard. Besides, it will look bad if Roxanne is seen in public with the villain who - as far as anyone knows - murdered her ‘boyfriend.’
He glances at his watch. 11:15. There is time to run out and get normal-people clothing before he has to meet Roxanne.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0
He is a good fifteen minutes early to the bench where ‘Bernard’ and Roxanne always met, safe behind the mask and comfortable - well, as comfortable-ish as he can manage - in new jeans and a plain short-sleeved shirt, both of which fit fairly tightly because the looser clothes he had tried had felt downright bizarre. They had bunched. He isn’t used to clothing that bunches, and had ended up getting what felt closest to his leathers.
He isn’t quite sure about the shoes, the flippe-floppes, but the saleswoman had insisted they would be more comfortable for summer heat than boots would be. They certainly are cooler, but he can feel the wind on his feet and it feels weird.
And his neck is exposed, which he does not like. He is touchy about his neck. Thank God that Bernard wore a turtleneck and people can’t see him - no, they only see a man wearing a turtleneck sweater and suit jacket in July, which isn’t odd at all - but the illusion doesn’t project tactile sensations on the wearer, and the t-shirt is scoop-necked. His collarbones are bare, and that is not okay.
He feels naked. How, he wonders, can those girls over there wander around in shirts with sleeves made of string and shorts that barely - all right, that one’s shirt doesn’t even have sleeves, what even is this?
So it could be worse. Scratch ‘drag queen’ off the list of possible disguises. He figures if he’s ever in a situation where he has to pretend to be a drag queen, blending in will probably be the least of his worries.
“You look unhappy.”
He jumps and looks around frantically, then up at Roxanne, whose shirt - hooray - has sleeves. And her shorts - no, they aren’t shorts, what are those? I know there is a word for what those are - cover her knees. She looks very normal, except for the dark smudges under her eyes. Megamind relaxes slightly. “I am very happy,” he says, and it’s true. “I’m just not comfortable.”
At her questioning glance, he explains, “It’s too hot for leather.”
Roxanne blinks. “Do you have other clothes?”
“I do now,” he mutters, plucking at his shirt and completely missing her sigh of relief. “I don’t know if I like them, though. My neck…” He trails off with a delicate shudder and looks back up at her. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Roxanne chuckles. “All right, then.” She nudges his leg with her knee, and he scoots over to make room on the bench. “I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting to see Bernard again.”
Megamind winces. “I, ah. I wasn’t sure if you should be seen in public with me.” He hesitates for a moment. Might as well go all the way, he thinks, and finishes, “Or if you would want to be seen in public with me. I figured this was safest, for now.”
Roxanne nods. “I see. Thank you.”
And there isn’t much Megamind can do but jump to the worst possible conclusion, since this is already really too good to be true. The fact that she even still wants to associate with him is beyond unbelievable, for him. So he’ll have to wear Bernard from now on, so what? He’ll take what he can-
“Hey,” Roxanne says suddenly, and he glances over to find that she is staring at him, hard. “I meant, thanks for thinking about what people would say if they saw us together. You already know what I think about judging by appearances.”
“That’s on principle, though,” he says before he can stop himself, and shrugs. “It’s all right, really.”
“It is not on principle.” She actually sounds offended. “You know me better than that. What about judging books by their covers?”
He doesn’t say anything to that. He isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say, honestly.
Suddenly she is laughing. “You wear your heart on your sleeve, did you know that?” Shaking her head, she continues, “Look, genius. Either you can take what I say at face value, and remember that I have no reason whatsoever to lie to you, or you can insist until the bitter end that there is no way at all that I would ever want to be with you and eventually I’ll take the hint and leave. It’s your choice, Megamind, it really is. But I will not be with someone who’s afraid to say what he’s thinking.”
Well, that isn’t too much to ask, and he nods. “All right. In that case, keeping in mind what you said about the content of the book, what exactly do you want?”
“I want Bernard back.” He looks as though she just slapped him, but she presses onward, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. “I miss you. I miss just meeting you in the park and eating lunch and talking. I don’t know where we were going, but I was enjoying it. And forget what I said about the content. I was angry, and that’s a nasty thing to say to anybody.”
“I can’t forget it.” He frowns. “I can’t forget anything.”
Almost absently, Roxanne reaches over and takes his hand, threads her fingers through his and looks at their joined hands. She squeezes, then stands and pulls him to his feet. “Come on. Food.”
And that isn’t really an answer, but he follows her to their usual shop and orders his usual egg roll and lo mein. And they talk about nothing and the world in general for the next little while, until there is a lull in the conversation and Roxanne stretches out on the grass. After a moment’s hesitation, Megamind copies her.
The grass is green yet, and soft under the shade of the tree where the summer sun can’t beat down on it. August feels a long way off, and for a while, everything is as it used to be.
I’m going to miss this, he thinks.
“Roxie!”
Beside him, Roxanne lifts herself onto her elbows. “Jo? What are you doing here?”
Her friend waves a gold-brown arm as she walks towards them. “Enjoying this weather. Also I wanted to take my new dress for a test drive on my day off. What d’you think?” She twirls.
“Very flattering,” Roxanne tells her. “That’s a good color for you.”
“Mind if I join you for a bit?” Jo asks, and sits without waiting for a reply. Megamind eyes her cautiously as he sits up - he recognizes the way she moves, the way she carries herself. Yellow sun-dress and small stature aside, this woman is a fighter.
Roxanne looks at Megamind.
I have a say in this?
“Sure,” he says, shrugging, ignoring the nervous twist in his stomach. “If it’s cool with you, it’s cool with me.”
When Jo smiles, it nearly bisects her face. Megamind can see her molars. “I’m Jo, one of Roxie’s friends from work,” she says, sticking out her hand to shake. He grips it, realizes she’s sizing him up the same way he is her, and grins in spite of himself.
“Jo, this is Bernard,” Roxanne tells her friend, and Megamind shoots her a quick, questioning glance. Roxanne is grinning, and Jo’s broad smile grows, if it’s possible, even broader.
“Hello, ‘Bernard,’” Jo says, and Megamind can hear the invisible quotation marks. She knows. He isn’t sure how, but she knows. Jo looks at Roxanne and rubs her ear as if it itches. “So how did you two meet?”
Roxanne blinks. Jo raises her eyebrows. “I’ll let Bernard explain that,” Roxanne says, and stands up and brushes herself off. “I’m going to go get drinks, okay? Coke for Bernard, iced tea for you, Jo?”
“Sounds awesome, thanks.”
“Um,” says Megamind, but Roxanne is already gone, and Megamind is alone with the stranger. If this comes to blows…no. If Roxanne trusts her, so will he, and he frowns at Jo, lifts a hand to his ear. “What was that? Some kind of signal?”
“You’re a quick one,” Jo replies easily. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you alone. You like Roxanne, yes?”
“Oh come on,” he exclaims. “What kind of a question is that?”
Jo sniffs, purses her lips. “I’m not going to make any threats,” she says eventually. “I don’t think I have to. I just want to make sure you know how much she cares for you.”
He stares at her. “I. What?”
Jo nods, studying his face through narrowed eyes. “She tried to hide you from me, you know. I thought - never mind what I thought.” The flicker of darkness that passes over Jo’s face catches Megamind’s attention, and his brain kicks into a higher gear. “Anyway, I came looking.”
Minion failed to mention that. “Did you.” He is studying her features as closely as she is his, now. Megamind has years of observation under his belt; he knows how to tell when someone is hiding something out of fear or duplicity versus out of consideration. He relaxes a little. Jo is here to ensure he doesn’t hurt Roxanne.
Jo nods again. “You know she was ready to knife me if I went to the police? Something about the government.”
Megamind stares.
“She actually tried to throw me, first,” Jo tells him, and grins. “It didn’t work.”
Megamind gives the smaller woman another quick once-over. Jo has none of Roxanne’s soft curves; she is all hard angles and tight muscle, nothing soft or brittle. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Jo shakes her head. “You’re missing my point. My point is that I know how these things go. I got enough from Minion and Roxanne to get a pretty good idea of how this,” and she pokes him smartly in the forehead before he can react, “works. And I am telling you right now, because I seriously doubt that you will figure it out on your own, that if you pass this up or push it away because you think it’s impossible - oh, you do, too,” she adds when he scowls and opens his mouth to protest. “If you think this is impossible or that you don’t deserve it, you’re a fool and you need to have your head examined.”
This is ridiculous. He has just met this woman, and now she’s evaluating him and telling him what to do. Pushy. Rude. She is treating him like a child.
But she is Roxanne’s friend, and Megamind will be polite if it kills him. “Look, I don’t think you quite understand all of ‘how this works’.” He presses two fingers to his temple. “I don’t like not knowing things, and I don’t like it when the facts don’t make sense. If I can’t make sense of something, I tend to disbelieve it.”
Jo, for once, says nothing. Silence is a powerful tool.
Megamind waits, too, but he breaks the silence first when Jo continues to look politely interested. “Why?” he asks. “You’re her friend. You know her. If you can give me any more data, any insight into the rationale behind your assertions,” he spreads his hands wide, vaguely aware that he’s slipping into voice patterns he thought he had left behind years ago, “please. Be my guest. Because I do not understand.”
Jo waits. A spider trails down from a low-hanging branch of the tree, gossamer silk trailing behind, and she reaches up and catches it. Megamind is growing increasingly agitated.
“I lied to her. I’ve kidnapped her for years. I may have…little experience with women, or,” he pauses, searching for a better way to say it and finding none, “all right, friends in general, but my observations -”
“Are completely invalid in this case,” Jo finishes, and Megamind splutters into glowering silence. Jo turns her hand over, lets the little brown arthropod wander over the back of her hand. “She knows you, knows who you are under the mask. You think you’re the only person here who wears masks?” She laughs. “Guess what. We’re reporters. Our lives revolve around being able to put on perfect, happy masks for cameras. Roxanne is very good at what she does because she knows how to play her audience and her subjects. She’s a handful. You know that.”
“Do I ever,” Megamind mutters.
“But she isn’t trying to play you. She likes you. Or have you forgotten how she looked at you after Titan fell? After the Metro Man charade?” There is an air of triumphant finality to her words, and Megamind senses the discussion is over.
He looks away. He knows Jo is right. He just can’t figure out why, and it’s driving him insane.
Beside him, Jo is holding her spider up to her face, talking to it. “Hi theeeeere,” she croons. “Hi. What’s your name?”
“Mangora placida,” he murmurs absently.
Jo glances up. “What?”
He looks at her, then nods at the spider. “It’s a Mangora placida. A tuft-legged orb weaver.”
Jo blinks, bemused amusement spreading over her features. “Why do you know that?”
Megamind colors. “I had a…run-in with a spider a couple months ago. Started doing research.”
“Oh yes, the Arachnus deathicus incident.” Roxanne is back with their drinks, and grinning from ear to ear as she sits down. “Good times.”
Megamind groans. “I will never live that down, will I?” Without waiting for a reply, he points at Jo. “Did you ask her to come?”
“I may have mentioned I would be coming here, and I may have mentioned I would be bringing someone.” Behind her back, Jo catches Megamind's eye and nods, mouths, Yeah, she told me. She resumes her deadpan when Roxanne looks from Megamind to her and back again. “Did you two have a good talk?”
Jo and Megamind glance at each other again. Jo lifts her eyebrows. They are amazingly mobile, he thinks. She could probably conduct a symphony with her face, if she really concentrated.
Then he realizes they are waiting for him to reply, and he stammers something, he doesn’t even know what. It seems to placate the two women, though, and he relaxes.
But the facts remain. Jo’s input has been helpful, true, but the facts remain.
Fact: If Roxanne is seen in public, in a relationship, with the man who ‘killed’ her supposed boyfriend, the media will have a field day. She should not have to hide her relationships.
Fact: Lying is bad, if you’re trying to be good. He lied to her. That was bad.
Fact: Personal issues aside, there is just no reason for her to like him. If he could think of a valid reason, maybe he would reevaluate his stance, but he can’t come up with a single one.
Chapter 6
Chapter 8
Author: Dal Niente
Rating: T
Word Count: 3,697
Author's Note: Ugh, this chapter. This whole chapter drove me up the freaking wall. With the talking and the nosy friend. And. Just. Bluh.
Chapter 7
The interview airs three days later, in the morning. Megamind suspects people are getting tired of the same old stories about rebuilding and what to tell various insurance companies - very little else would explain the speedy release. He watches it, interested in spite of himself. He tells himself that he shouldn’t be interested, since Professor Anderson is probably a hack, but this is something he knows about and Roxanne is the one reporting.
The interview goes…not badly, but it could have gone better. Megamind knows Roxanne cannot stand pretension, and the young professor is more than pretentious, and Megamind can almost see her struggling to resist the urge to antagonize.
“…Not sure why the scientific community hasn’t looked further into cold fusion before,” Professor Anderson is saying, and oh, he sounds smug. It wouldn’t be hard to at least pretend to be earnestly amused, but no, he sounds smug. What’s worse, he seems to know it. “Obviously, it isn’t the impossibility they all think it is. Well, Miss Ritchi, do you have any questions?”
She hadn’t been going to ask, but the unspoken and obvious of-course-you-don’t in his tone is more than a little bit provoking. She glances down at her notes, crosses one leg over the other. “Actually, yes. I noticed you’ve used Uberwald’s Coefficient in several of your equations, but I couldn’t find how you’ve compensated for Draviadya’s Corollary to Phaeton’s Law.” She leans back a little bit, frowning. “Obviously, I’m not an expert in this field so it’s possible I missed your explanation, but I couldn’t find any mention of Draviadya in your report.”
Anderson blinks. “I…um. The terms of my hypothesis rendered Draviadya’s Corollary invalid. I didn’t need to consider it.”
“Wrong,” Megamind says aloud. He is grinning from ear to ear.
Roxanne arches an eyebrow. “Are you sure?” she asks. Her tone is still politely inquisitive; only someone who knew her well would be able to detect the steel under it. “Phaeton’s Law is one of the three universal laws. Wouldn’t any corollaries to a universal law be universal by extension?”
“It would appear so at first glance, but once you get into higher-level physics the universality breaks down a bit.”
His recovery is quick, Megamind will give him that, but he can tell Anderson is unsettled. He’s trying to snow Roxanne, trying to tell her she’s too stupid to understand, and Megamind knows from years of experience that that won’t work. Roxanne glances down at her notes again. “One more question, Professor, and then I’m afraid we’ll have to wrap this up.”
“Of course.”
“On page seventeen, you mention regulation of circulating currents. How do you plan to contain the inevitable coronal mass ejection resulting from a kinetic energy overload of those currents?”
Anderson laughs at that. “That’s not the sort of thing I’d expect a reporter to ask.”
“No, it isn’t,” she agrees, and waits.
Finally he sighs. “The dampening fields I outline on page nineteen should take care of any overloads.”
“Oh come on,” Megamind scoffs. “Your dampeners were modeled after the conditions on the sun.”
Onscreen, to his surprise, Roxanne has just said something similar. She’s quick.
“That’s true enough,” Anderson agrees.
“The sun emits solar flares regardless of any naturally-occurring dampening fields,” Roxanne points out, and then, when Anderson freezes for a second, adds, “I think I must have missed something else. I mean,” and offers up a bright little chuckle that sounds nothing like her, “I’m just a reporter, after all.” Her smile is all teeth, and Megamind actually laughs aloud. It’s nice not to be on the receiving end of that smile - actually, watching her put someone else in his place for once is pretty funny.
Anderson’s answering smile is brittle. “Yes, well, there were several contingency plans mentioned. They’re very specific, though, so I’m not surprised you missed them.”
It’s a good thing the show isn’t live, or Megamind would be on the phone and calling in. If there’s one thing he absolutely cannot stand, it’s a smug, smirking, holier-than-thou liar.
Roxanne raises her eyebrows and closes the interview for the sake of the camera, but Megamind is reaching for his phone and doesn’t notice.
I’m going to invert his kneecaps, he texts, and hits send.
Fifteen seconds later, who?
Anderson. For his students’ sakes.
he was a bit of an ass, yes
Megamind grins, and types out, What are you doing later?
But then he hesitates, smile fading, and his thumb wavers over the send button before he deletes the message. Because really, he has no business asking that.
A minute later, his phone beeps.
what are your plans for today?
And he stares at it for a full half a minute, trying to work out what that means. It might mean the same as what he had meant, but he isn’t even sure what he had meant, or whether his current train of thought is even making any sense. Finally he just shakes his head. Not much. Brainstorming. Why?
A pause. Beep. you have time for lunch?
It’s not a mention of a date, specifically, but Megamind can’t keep the smile off his face. Yes, absolutely, he has time for lunch. And dinner. And everything in between. But what he says is, Where and when? :)
the park. usual spot. Noon?
Texting is nice. There’s no way for Roxanne to see or hear just how happy this makes him. He has his pride, after all. Sounds good.
There is no response, after that, and after waiting for a little bit he goes off in search of Minion. He needs a distraction. There’s no way he’ll be able to come up with anything halfway decent with this on his mind.
What is he supposed to wear? He can’t go around in his usual leathers. For one thing, he’s still trying to stay more or less out of the public eye, and for another, it’s July. Even for him, spending any amount of time outdoors on a sunny July day in full supervillain regalia is a miserable idea. Street clothes? Shorts and t-shirts seem to be the norm for human males, but Megamind will be damned before he wears shorts.
Jeans, then? After a few seconds’ consideration, he has to admit that jeans would probably be the safest option for him.
Does he even have jeans? It isn’t like he’s needed them before.
He realizes then that he is dithering, and is appalled. He never dithers. He makes decisions, and stands by them until the bitter end. Sometimes he makes the wrong ones, but so far that’s only helped secure his reputation as a half-mad super-genius.
His reputation, which matters peanuts right now. He’s never had to worry about social norms or other people’s preferences before unless it’s in terms of violation. “Min-” he begins, then stops when he sees the note tacked to the refrigerator. Minion is out running errands, picking up spare parts from nearby junkyards.
The only other person he could possibly call for advice is Wayne, and he isn’t yet so desperate that he’ll call Metro Man for dating advice. Or any other advice, for that matter. He groans. This was all so much easier when he was pretending to be Bernard.
He looks up. Bernard.
Bernard could work. Megamind doesn’t know whether Roxanne wants him to go as himself or as Bernard, but he knows he'll be safe as Bernard. Besides, it will look bad if Roxanne is seen in public with the villain who - as far as anyone knows - murdered her ‘boyfriend.’
He glances at his watch. 11:15. There is time to run out and get normal-people clothing before he has to meet Roxanne.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0
He is a good fifteen minutes early to the bench where ‘Bernard’ and Roxanne always met, safe behind the mask and comfortable - well, as comfortable-ish as he can manage - in new jeans and a plain short-sleeved shirt, both of which fit fairly tightly because the looser clothes he had tried had felt downright bizarre. They had bunched. He isn’t used to clothing that bunches, and had ended up getting what felt closest to his leathers.
He isn’t quite sure about the shoes, the flippe-floppes, but the saleswoman had insisted they would be more comfortable for summer heat than boots would be. They certainly are cooler, but he can feel the wind on his feet and it feels weird.
And his neck is exposed, which he does not like. He is touchy about his neck. Thank God that Bernard wore a turtleneck and people can’t see him - no, they only see a man wearing a turtleneck sweater and suit jacket in July, which isn’t odd at all - but the illusion doesn’t project tactile sensations on the wearer, and the t-shirt is scoop-necked. His collarbones are bare, and that is not okay.
He feels naked. How, he wonders, can those girls over there wander around in shirts with sleeves made of string and shorts that barely - all right, that one’s shirt doesn’t even have sleeves, what even is this?
So it could be worse. Scratch ‘drag queen’ off the list of possible disguises. He figures if he’s ever in a situation where he has to pretend to be a drag queen, blending in will probably be the least of his worries.
“You look unhappy.”
He jumps and looks around frantically, then up at Roxanne, whose shirt - hooray - has sleeves. And her shorts - no, they aren’t shorts, what are those? I know there is a word for what those are - cover her knees. She looks very normal, except for the dark smudges under her eyes. Megamind relaxes slightly. “I am very happy,” he says, and it’s true. “I’m just not comfortable.”
At her questioning glance, he explains, “It’s too hot for leather.”
Roxanne blinks. “Do you have other clothes?”
“I do now,” he mutters, plucking at his shirt and completely missing her sigh of relief. “I don’t know if I like them, though. My neck…” He trails off with a delicate shudder and looks back up at her. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Roxanne chuckles. “All right, then.” She nudges his leg with her knee, and he scoots over to make room on the bench. “I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting to see Bernard again.”
Megamind winces. “I, ah. I wasn’t sure if you should be seen in public with me.” He hesitates for a moment. Might as well go all the way, he thinks, and finishes, “Or if you would want to be seen in public with me. I figured this was safest, for now.”
Roxanne nods. “I see. Thank you.”
And there isn’t much Megamind can do but jump to the worst possible conclusion, since this is already really too good to be true. The fact that she even still wants to associate with him is beyond unbelievable, for him. So he’ll have to wear Bernard from now on, so what? He’ll take what he can-
“Hey,” Roxanne says suddenly, and he glances over to find that she is staring at him, hard. “I meant, thanks for thinking about what people would say if they saw us together. You already know what I think about judging by appearances.”
“That’s on principle, though,” he says before he can stop himself, and shrugs. “It’s all right, really.”
“It is not on principle.” She actually sounds offended. “You know me better than that. What about judging books by their covers?”
He doesn’t say anything to that. He isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say, honestly.
Suddenly she is laughing. “You wear your heart on your sleeve, did you know that?” Shaking her head, she continues, “Look, genius. Either you can take what I say at face value, and remember that I have no reason whatsoever to lie to you, or you can insist until the bitter end that there is no way at all that I would ever want to be with you and eventually I’ll take the hint and leave. It’s your choice, Megamind, it really is. But I will not be with someone who’s afraid to say what he’s thinking.”
Well, that isn’t too much to ask, and he nods. “All right. In that case, keeping in mind what you said about the content of the book, what exactly do you want?”
“I want Bernard back.” He looks as though she just slapped him, but she presses onward, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. “I miss you. I miss just meeting you in the park and eating lunch and talking. I don’t know where we were going, but I was enjoying it. And forget what I said about the content. I was angry, and that’s a nasty thing to say to anybody.”
“I can’t forget it.” He frowns. “I can’t forget anything.”
Almost absently, Roxanne reaches over and takes his hand, threads her fingers through his and looks at their joined hands. She squeezes, then stands and pulls him to his feet. “Come on. Food.”
And that isn’t really an answer, but he follows her to their usual shop and orders his usual egg roll and lo mein. And they talk about nothing and the world in general for the next little while, until there is a lull in the conversation and Roxanne stretches out on the grass. After a moment’s hesitation, Megamind copies her.
The grass is green yet, and soft under the shade of the tree where the summer sun can’t beat down on it. August feels a long way off, and for a while, everything is as it used to be.
I’m going to miss this, he thinks.
“Roxie!”
Beside him, Roxanne lifts herself onto her elbows. “Jo? What are you doing here?”
Her friend waves a gold-brown arm as she walks towards them. “Enjoying this weather. Also I wanted to take my new dress for a test drive on my day off. What d’you think?” She twirls.
“Very flattering,” Roxanne tells her. “That’s a good color for you.”
“Mind if I join you for a bit?” Jo asks, and sits without waiting for a reply. Megamind eyes her cautiously as he sits up - he recognizes the way she moves, the way she carries herself. Yellow sun-dress and small stature aside, this woman is a fighter.
Roxanne looks at Megamind.
I have a say in this?
“Sure,” he says, shrugging, ignoring the nervous twist in his stomach. “If it’s cool with you, it’s cool with me.”
When Jo smiles, it nearly bisects her face. Megamind can see her molars. “I’m Jo, one of Roxie’s friends from work,” she says, sticking out her hand to shake. He grips it, realizes she’s sizing him up the same way he is her, and grins in spite of himself.
“Jo, this is Bernard,” Roxanne tells her friend, and Megamind shoots her a quick, questioning glance. Roxanne is grinning, and Jo’s broad smile grows, if it’s possible, even broader.
“Hello, ‘Bernard,’” Jo says, and Megamind can hear the invisible quotation marks. She knows. He isn’t sure how, but she knows. Jo looks at Roxanne and rubs her ear as if it itches. “So how did you two meet?”
Roxanne blinks. Jo raises her eyebrows. “I’ll let Bernard explain that,” Roxanne says, and stands up and brushes herself off. “I’m going to go get drinks, okay? Coke for Bernard, iced tea for you, Jo?”
“Sounds awesome, thanks.”
“Um,” says Megamind, but Roxanne is already gone, and Megamind is alone with the stranger. If this comes to blows…no. If Roxanne trusts her, so will he, and he frowns at Jo, lifts a hand to his ear. “What was that? Some kind of signal?”
“You’re a quick one,” Jo replies easily. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you alone. You like Roxanne, yes?”
“Oh come on,” he exclaims. “What kind of a question is that?”
Jo sniffs, purses her lips. “I’m not going to make any threats,” she says eventually. “I don’t think I have to. I just want to make sure you know how much she cares for you.”
He stares at her. “I. What?”
Jo nods, studying his face through narrowed eyes. “She tried to hide you from me, you know. I thought - never mind what I thought.” The flicker of darkness that passes over Jo’s face catches Megamind’s attention, and his brain kicks into a higher gear. “Anyway, I came looking.”
Minion failed to mention that. “Did you.” He is studying her features as closely as she is his, now. Megamind has years of observation under his belt; he knows how to tell when someone is hiding something out of fear or duplicity versus out of consideration. He relaxes a little. Jo is here to ensure he doesn’t hurt Roxanne.
Jo nods again. “You know she was ready to knife me if I went to the police? Something about the government.”
Megamind stares.
“She actually tried to throw me, first,” Jo tells him, and grins. “It didn’t work.”
Megamind gives the smaller woman another quick once-over. Jo has none of Roxanne’s soft curves; she is all hard angles and tight muscle, nothing soft or brittle. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Jo shakes her head. “You’re missing my point. My point is that I know how these things go. I got enough from Minion and Roxanne to get a pretty good idea of how this,” and she pokes him smartly in the forehead before he can react, “works. And I am telling you right now, because I seriously doubt that you will figure it out on your own, that if you pass this up or push it away because you think it’s impossible - oh, you do, too,” she adds when he scowls and opens his mouth to protest. “If you think this is impossible or that you don’t deserve it, you’re a fool and you need to have your head examined.”
This is ridiculous. He has just met this woman, and now she’s evaluating him and telling him what to do. Pushy. Rude. She is treating him like a child.
But she is Roxanne’s friend, and Megamind will be polite if it kills him. “Look, I don’t think you quite understand all of ‘how this works’.” He presses two fingers to his temple. “I don’t like not knowing things, and I don’t like it when the facts don’t make sense. If I can’t make sense of something, I tend to disbelieve it.”
Jo, for once, says nothing. Silence is a powerful tool.
Megamind waits, too, but he breaks the silence first when Jo continues to look politely interested. “Why?” he asks. “You’re her friend. You know her. If you can give me any more data, any insight into the rationale behind your assertions,” he spreads his hands wide, vaguely aware that he’s slipping into voice patterns he thought he had left behind years ago, “please. Be my guest. Because I do not understand.”
Jo waits. A spider trails down from a low-hanging branch of the tree, gossamer silk trailing behind, and she reaches up and catches it. Megamind is growing increasingly agitated.
“I lied to her. I’ve kidnapped her for years. I may have…little experience with women, or,” he pauses, searching for a better way to say it and finding none, “all right, friends in general, but my observations -”
“Are completely invalid in this case,” Jo finishes, and Megamind splutters into glowering silence. Jo turns her hand over, lets the little brown arthropod wander over the back of her hand. “She knows you, knows who you are under the mask. You think you’re the only person here who wears masks?” She laughs. “Guess what. We’re reporters. Our lives revolve around being able to put on perfect, happy masks for cameras. Roxanne is very good at what she does because she knows how to play her audience and her subjects. She’s a handful. You know that.”
“Do I ever,” Megamind mutters.
“But she isn’t trying to play you. She likes you. Or have you forgotten how she looked at you after Titan fell? After the Metro Man charade?” There is an air of triumphant finality to her words, and Megamind senses the discussion is over.
He looks away. He knows Jo is right. He just can’t figure out why, and it’s driving him insane.
Beside him, Jo is holding her spider up to her face, talking to it. “Hi theeeeere,” she croons. “Hi. What’s your name?”
“Mangora placida,” he murmurs absently.
Jo glances up. “What?”
He looks at her, then nods at the spider. “It’s a Mangora placida. A tuft-legged orb weaver.”
Jo blinks, bemused amusement spreading over her features. “Why do you know that?”
Megamind colors. “I had a…run-in with a spider a couple months ago. Started doing research.”
“Oh yes, the Arachnus deathicus incident.” Roxanne is back with their drinks, and grinning from ear to ear as she sits down. “Good times.”
Megamind groans. “I will never live that down, will I?” Without waiting for a reply, he points at Jo. “Did you ask her to come?”
“I may have mentioned I would be coming here, and I may have mentioned I would be bringing someone.” Behind her back, Jo catches Megamind's eye and nods, mouths, Yeah, she told me. She resumes her deadpan when Roxanne looks from Megamind to her and back again. “Did you two have a good talk?”
Jo and Megamind glance at each other again. Jo lifts her eyebrows. They are amazingly mobile, he thinks. She could probably conduct a symphony with her face, if she really concentrated.
Then he realizes they are waiting for him to reply, and he stammers something, he doesn’t even know what. It seems to placate the two women, though, and he relaxes.
But the facts remain. Jo’s input has been helpful, true, but the facts remain.
Fact: If Roxanne is seen in public, in a relationship, with the man who ‘killed’ her supposed boyfriend, the media will have a field day. She should not have to hide her relationships.
Fact: Lying is bad, if you’re trying to be good. He lied to her. That was bad.
Fact: Personal issues aside, there is just no reason for her to like him. If he could think of a valid reason, maybe he would reevaluate his stance, but he can’t come up with a single one.
Chapter 6
Chapter 8