Fic: Cold Fusion, Chapter 8

May 03, 2011 10:46

Title: Cold Fusion, Chapter 8
Author: Dal Niente
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,762
Author's Note: I am more happy with this chapter.  ^^

Chapter 8

It is nearly 2:00 when Jo leaves. Roxanne hasn’t minded Jo’s presence, and she doesn’t think Megamind has, but it’s nice to be able to just sit quietly with each other for a while again. It’s cool, under the tree, and the grass is soft and the air is warm and it is a beautiful day.

And Megamind is thinking. He is thinking hard, Roxanne can tell. She can almost hear his brain humming.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Nearby, a pair of children run by screaming, followed by a woman with a stroller calling for them to slow down and be careful all in the same breath.

Megamind doesn’t reply right away. When he does, his voice is quiet. “I don’t understand you.”

Roxanne looks at him. He is lying on his back, hands folded neatly behind his head, one ankle crossed over the other, and just for a second she projects his real features over the illusion - blue against green, staring unblinkingly up at the sky.

“What do you mean?” It’s the reply she should give, although she’s pretty sure she already knows.

Megamind glances at her, stretches a little. “I’ve been thinking.”

Roxanne smiles. “You think too much,” she tells him. “Such men are dangerous.”

Megamind responds automatically, half of his mouth quirking into the familiar smirk as he twirls and sweeps a hand before him in a surprisingly elegant gesture. “Fear him not, Caesar; he’s not dangerous; he is a noble Roman and well-given.” He tucks the hand back under his head and looks at her. “I think I rather resent being compared to the man who betrayed and killed Caesar.”

Roxanne’s smile turns into more of a grin. “If I ever have to see that play again, I’ll just kill Caesar in Act One and save everybody the trouble.”

A line appears between Megamind’s eyebrows, but he’s amused. Roxanne can tell. She is getting very good at reading him. “Do you know, I really think you would.”

Roxanne heaves a sigh and lies back in the grass. She cannot match Megamind’s wide-eyed stare at the bright sky; she has to close her eyes. “So you’ve been thinking.”

“Bit of a habit for me, yes,” he says lightly. “So. Let’s get things out in the open, shall we? Cards on the table, as it were.”

Roxanne nods. She is as tired as he is with wondering where they really stand with each other, though she had not expected Megamind to be the one to broach the subject.

“You have a question.” His voice is flat, now, a sure sign that he is serious. And judging from the expression on his face, he doesn’t like where he’s taking this. “I’ve worked out what it is. I want you to ask it and have done.”

Once upon a time, Roxanne would have hated him for presuming to know what she was thinking. It is obnoxious, and condescending, and too much like the old Megamind.

The old Megamind, who had never hurt her, who had on occasion gone out of his way to keep her safe.

She takes a deep breath. “Were you planning on ever telling me who you really were?”

Megamind closes his eyes, swallows, and Roxanne braces herself. Whatever he says, Roxanne will trust. But if he says ‘no,’ she’ll have a tough time moving past it.

“I don’t know.”

She frowns. She hasn’t considered that one.

Megamind shakes his head slowly. “It was…too soon to be sure. Yes? I don’t know. At the time, I certainly wasn’t.” It’s as honest an answer as he can give, and Roxanne knows it, but he keeps talking. He has to make her understand, and if anyone ever could understand this, it’s Roxanne.  “I was too wrapped up in what was happening. No. No, I wasn’t planning on telling you. Would I have, eventually?” He pauses, opens his eyes. They flick back and forth for a moment, scanning something Roxanne cannot see before he finally shakes his head again. “I can’t say for sure. There are too many variables. As time progressed, I would have grown more comfortable with you, but more fearful as I prolonged the deception. And your anger and fear would be directly proportional to the length of time I had spent lying to you. It’s even possible that the growth line would be exponential.”

He lets out an involuntary groan of frustration and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes. “There aren’t any equations for this. It’s all so subjective. I want to say that yes, eventually, I would have told you the truth.”

Roxanne sits up and watches him. For a while, he does not move. He does not breathe. Finally she prompts, very quietly, “…But?”

“But.” He does not remove his hands. “But, realistically,” and he bites his lip hard enough to leave a mark when he speaks again. “I think I would be too afraid. I could never have…done anything to you, I think.” He is hesitant, but Roxanne knows what he means. “I think I would have done something drastic before that happened. Distanced myself from you somehow. Possibly fake my own death, as Wayne did, although that may have been a bit too drastic.”

Roxanne cannot resist a good-natured jab. “Even for you?”

Megamind half-smiles. “Even for me, but it would depend on how scared I ended up being. And I was scared.”

Roxanne remembers the shocked bewilderment on his face when she had shoved him away, and the oh-god-here-it-comes face when she’d thrown her drink at him, and she reaches out and drags one of his hands away and holds onto it. Megamind tries half-heartedly to pull away, but Roxanne isn’t having any of that, and he gives up without much of a fight. He puts his other hand down by his side, out of her field of vision.

She sits still and doesn’t say anything for a long time. Part of her is still deeply impressed and surprised that he asserted himself, and part of her is nervous because ‘I don’t know’ isn’t nearly as reassuring as ‘yes, I would have told you in time’ would have been.

But the nervous part of her is small and made up of residual fear from the night in the restaurant, and it’s irrational. Everything, everything Megamind has said and done between that night and this afternoon has shown her that he is reliable and trustworthy and able to force himself to do what he knows is right, even if it hurts. Even if it could kill him. And this is killing him.

What Roxanne wants to say is something like, thank you, or, I do trust you, or, it’s okay, but none of those answers will solve anything or answer any of his questions.

So what she says is, “Your turn,” and pushes a finger against the quick-beating pulse of his wrist. It is fast, much faster than it should be.

Megamind opens his eyes and stares at her. His pupils are dilated, and his pulse is flying, and Roxanne realizes with a shock that he is all but panicking. “W-what?”

“I’ve asked you a question. It’s your turn, now. And calm down,” she adds, letting some very real worry creep into her tone. “It’s okay.”

She watches the emotions flash over his features. He’s more expressive than he realizes, probably more expressive than he should be. Roxanne learned ages ago that if you keep your feelings on display, people will hurt you with them. She had certainly hurt him. Honestly, the fact that he had been hopeful enough to follow her after the restaurant is mind-boggling. The fact that he is here, now, talking to her and trying to work things out is more so.

He wants, desperately, to know where he stands with her. That’s why he’s lying so still, that’s why he hasn’t broken and run.

His voice, when he speaks, is strained. “Why am I here?”

Roxanne has to smile. "I'm not a philosopher.”

He misses the sarcasm, speaking increasingly quickly. “No, I mean, why are we still hanging out socially? You kept me safe, you let Minion stay with you, and you gave us a key to your home, which, let’s face it, probably isn’t the smartest thing to give to a megalomaniacal ex-supervillain and his sidekick.” He turns his head to the side to look at her again, eyes scanning wildly over her face, her body, taking in her relaxed posture. “I don’t get it,” he cries. “Why aren’t you still mad? Are you hiding it? You said you looked back but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. And don’t laugh at me!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry!” Roxanne can’t help it. She is tired, very tired, and the phrase ‘megalomaniacal ex-supervillain’ strikes her as being horrendously funny even though it really isn’t. And she shouldn’t be laughing at all, not when Megamind is so confused, but the range of mobility of his face is amusing when he’s calm, but when he’s freaking out his facial expressions border on the ridiculous. “It’s just. You. I’m sorry, god, I’m so sorry.”

Megamind starts to sit up, but Roxanne rolls over and presses him back down with one hand high on his chest. His pulse goes nuts. “Stop.”

He glares at her, and there’s that hurt again.  She cannot keep doing this.

“You move your face a lot when you talk.” Roxanne forces herself to go deadpan, regulate her breathing, be serious. Her own worry has dissipated, leaving her trembling and relieved, but she still needs to take care of her companion’s fears. “I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

The muscles around Megamind’s mouth are tight, but he jerks his chin down in a nod anyway.

“Now,” Roxanne says, brushing her hair out of her eyes. “To answer your question. No, I’m not angry. I pushed you into the whole charade. We never would have started working together if I hadn’t insisted that you help me work out Megamind’s plans. What were you supposed to say to that? ‘No, Roxanne, I can’t because I’m really Megamind in disguise’?” She cocks an eyebrow. “I mean, seriously.”

“But -”

Roxanne presses a finger to his lips, and Megamind freezes, his train of thought de-railed. “I’m not finished. That’s only part of the reason. The other part is that it worked out so well. You asked why I keep holding your hand? It’s because I know you, the real you, and I like the real you.” She smiles, and he stares up at her in total disbelief. “You’re sweet, you’re conscientious in a weird, backwards sort of way, you’re absolutely brilliant, you’re neat, you’re funny. I never realized how funny you are.”

Her smile slips a few notches, and she lies down again. “Also, I think physical contact is one of the few things that gets through to you. Not everything makes sense, Megamind. You need to accept that sometimes, the way people feel about each other doesn’t have a rational explanation. And I haven’t let go of your hand yet because I want to hold it, I will always want to hold it, and there’s no reason to not hold it.”

Megamind looks at her. For a long, long moment, that’s all he does - just lies, very still and serious, in the grass, and looks at her.

Then he brushes a thumb over her knuckles. “Are you saying that this is the natural state of things?”

“No,” she says softly, and tightens her grip. “I’m saying I hope it is.”

That makes Megamind’s throat close up. He has to swallow hard and squeeze his eyes shut to be able to speak again. “I hope so too.”

Roxanne lets out a long sigh. “Good,” she says, and her eyes fall closed.

They lie like that for a few minutes. Roxanne is fairly sure she’s managed to convince him that she wants him, and is content to simply stay where she is. For his part, Megamind feels like he hasn’t breathed in about a year, and his heart rate slowly returns to a regular pace as the adrenaline bleeds out of his system.

When he is able to look at Roxanne again without having to worry about throwing up out of sheer terror, he notices again that there are dark circles under and around her eyes.

“Roxanne, have you been sick?”

She blinks at him. “No. Why?”

Megamind surprises them both by making what is possibly the boldest move of his entire life and touching a long, slim finger to the skin under Roxanne’s eye. “You look. I don’t know. Tired.”

Roxanne is silent for a long moment before she admits, “I haven’t been sleeping.”

“What, at all?” The conversation is so normal. Megamind is a little surprised to find that, yet again, the very worst thing that could possibly happen has passed and the world is still turning.

“Not enough to count.” Roxanne shakes her head, laughs a little. “It’s ridiculous, it really is. Hal is in jail.”

Megamind grimaces. “Ah. Dreams.” He frowns. “I thought you were in therapy to avoid that sort of thing?”

She snorts. “Well, when you know you aren’t actually in danger, therapy becomes kind of redundant.”

Megamind rolls onto his stomach, props himself up on his elbows. The rush of adrenaline has left him wobbly. “Wait a minute,” he says slowly. “You feel safe with me?”

Roxanne looks up at him, eyes at half-mast. “Well, I trust you,” she replies, as if it is the most natural and reasonable thing in the world to trust someone who’s been kidnapping her on a regular basis for over a decade.

Then she sits up. If she doesn’t, she’ll fall asleep. “…Should go.”

Megamind watches her, amused. “Was there a subject in that sentence? I should go, you should go?” He pauses, suddenly hopeful. “We? Should go?”

Roxanne nods, laughs, points at him. “Yes. I like that one. We. But I have to go back to work. There are some things I need to finish, one or two loose ends to tie up before I can head home for the day.” She does not want to leave. She wants to just lie with him in the grass and never move.

But this isn’t some storybook fantasy where she can just roll over and tear off his watch and kiss him senseless in the middle of the park. This is life. Everything cannot be made okay with the wave of a wand. Megamind’s full pardon was a lucky break, but this is not a fairytale where they can all live happily ever after and nothing hurts.

This is life. And life comes with responsibilities, and heartache, and a career to worry about.

Megamind sighs and pulls Roxanne to her feet. “I’ll drive you back.”

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

This is the fourth evening that Roxanne has returned to an empty apartment, and she is beginning to hate it.

Minion had stayed with her for just over a week, Megamind wasn’t even awake for most of it, and Roxanne is astonished at just how attached she has grown to having the company around. She was perfectly happy before they came to stay, but now that they are gone…

She unlocks the door and her apartment is neat, orderly. There are leftovers in the fridge, but not many anymore. It is dark, and quiet but for the gentle humming of the air conditioner.

Megamind’s words in the car drift back to her, unbidden: We can’t let this go public. Not yet.

The last thing Roxanne wants to do is hide from everyone, but Megamind is insistent, and Roxanne has to admit that he’s right. Everyone still thinks he killed Metro Man. Everyone still thinks Roxanne and Metro Man were an item. If the news that she is seeing Megamind gets out too soon, they will both catch hell for it. And Megamind doesn’t have a good reputation to fall back on.

Roxanne scowls.

For the past three nights, she has come home late to a silent room and an empty bed and gone to sleep, only to wake up scant hours later in a cold sweat, gasping and shaking. Getting back to sleep after that is difficult if not downright impossible.

Roxanne nods to herself. She has been considering this for the past two days, and today’s conversation in the park has made up her mind. She packs an overnight bag with some clothes and a few necessaries, then hurries back downstairs and hails a taxi.

Chapter 7
Chapter 9

fanfic: megamind, character: roxanne, megamind, fanfic: cold fusion, character: megamind

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