Coming back to find my bed the exact way I left it that morning, every crinkle, every fold, every pillow exactly how I left it... back when I didnt know. I woke up that morning feeling such a void. I knew something was up but it wasnt until I got off the sleeping porch and into my room to my cell phone, where I had 9 missed calls. All from Jim. ( Read more... )

I just started screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one paid attention. I saw my brother. I wanted to hug him...it wasnt him.

Burrying him tomorrow.......

what a life to take, what a bond to break, ill be missing you.

Its weird to walk into somewhere, and have kids in high school sweatshirts kind of pause as they look at you, and then whisper in their friends ear. My immediate reaction is still "Oh my god is my zipper undone? Do i have something on my shirt? Can you see my butt ( Read more... )

"How are you feeling?". A question Im still not sure how to anwser. Well right now, Im okay. But 1 hour, 30 minutes, 15 seconds from now... I could be an absolute mess. I go up and down ( Read more... )

There isnt a day that goes by that I wish you would have never entered my brothers life. You dragged him through the dirt with you and all you can say now is "lets toke in his honor". ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. But you have no honor of your own to ruin, so why not use his right? I wish you had an idea of how bad he tried to stay away from you once ( Read more... )

I cant sleep. But can you blame me? The vision of visiting my brother at the mortuary on friday is implanted in my head tonight. Holding his cold, dead body. Kissing his forhead over and over and over. Running my fingers through his hair like I did when we were children and he couldnt sleep, only he was sleeping now, forever ( Read more... )

Why is it that i SO heavily associate dates with the mistakes ive made and bad things that have happend in my life? I remember every date, of every bad thing I have done, going all the way back to when I flooded my mothers jacuzzi when i was in 4th grade ( Read more... )

Nights of driving the streets of hollywood with mom and jim, calling my brothers cell phone over and over, trying to figure out where he was. Drunk? High? Hurt? ... Alive? I prayed that he would quit ignoring my calls and pick up, or text me.. some sort of acknoledgement that would let me know he was okay. I hated who he had become. I hated the ( Read more... )

its finally here. the past few days passed by faster than i could ever imagine. in 4 hours im leaving for Arizona. for college. wow. i cant believe it ( Read more... )

happy birthday to my teammate and best friend ever... jessica linn byron-fields.
i seriously love you with all my heart. you are the bestest friend a girl could ask for. and of course the better teammate!!! HAPPY 18th birthday jessie!! LOVE YOU!!! heelpp is on the waaayyyyyy!! haha. partyyyy!!!


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