...help.

Birthdays. I hate them. Much like I hate holidays.

I hate that there is so much hype for birthdays. We wait all year for this one day to tell us that we are another year older, another year closer to death. You wait and hope that you get presents. That maybe one of your friends will actually remember its your birthday without you having to ( Read more... )

Hey Dad,

I miss you. So much. I miss you more than you'll ever know. I miss your laugh, your smile. I miss you telling me that you're proud of me. I miss you being here when I need to talk, a shoulder to cry on. I miss being able to call you in the middle of the night, just to talk. I missed you every time I had some good news to tell you. I missed ( Read more... )

What you don't know does not hurt you.
What you don't know still hurts me.

So, what happens now?
Where am I going to...?

I thought I could just leave things in the past.
In fact, I thought I had left them there.

But, I guess I was wrong.
Because now, three years later, I'm spiraling down the same path.

And now faster than ever.
Something is wrong, here. Something is wrong...

Maybe its the caffeine. Maybe its because I was spinning in the chair. Maybe its the stress, the pressure. Maybe its because I miss you like crazy.
But I am tired.

Tired of always having a headache. Of not knowing what's going on. Of not being able to read properly because I keep mixing up letters, words, sentences. Of not being able to focus. Of ( Read more... )

...but couldn't. I told you that I've never been so afraid to step on a scale in my life, and this is why.

I still dream of those days, the days of still being a size 0. You see, it's been so long, I've forgotten what it feels like. I only have memories, memories like this one:

Summer of 05. I was fifteen and still had it all. Just finished up a ( Read more... )

As the performance draws to a close, I just need to keep a few things in mind...

"I want to dance.
To use my body to express the anger and the rage that flows through my veins.
To not be confined to the rigidity that is ballet.
To do away with the hyper extended legs and perfection.
To thrust my body into the air and let it take the shape that it ( Read more... )

I'm so glad that we've established that I'm the biggest bitch to ever roam this earth.

Thank you, and good night. 

my big bro! ♥