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I love you all an'....
I mean i'm going to pass away soon, (sorry for my horrible english i'm from Italy) they (docts) told me i do have such a terrible days to pass for they can't live me up with proteins by veins and wispers by words I will not survive anymore long. I always wished this moment came more soon but destiny wanted me to wait till 24 years old. I want you ( Read more... ) -
Alcoholerxia
I do feel like hell. I can't decide about life or death. i drink like a ship. That's count as "calories" but I cannot count them anymore.....they're just something keep me live, but i'm insane, totally ( sorry for my english I'm from Italy ) totally insane, I can't survive on Vodka. I feel soooo weak and desperate. My body hurts and cries. I feel ( Read more... ) -
è veramente troppo tempo....
....e io sono veramente una botte. ho paura a scrivere nel mio blog ufficiale che i miei amici lo vedano e mi mandino a fanculo. questo è il mio rifugio. credo di voler veramente morire di fame e non ci riesco mai. quale altro scopo nella vita mi prefiggo? non ho nessuna ragione, nessuna soddisfazione, nessun affetto, nessuna vanità che mi faccia ( Read more... ) -
What's going on today
I truly need to harm myself somewhat more. I am lonely. In everything I struggle I am alone. Must learn how to live without anyone. Without anyone's love. Cause I can't be sure being loved. Life is a bitch. My bf says the future doesnt exist and I have to enjoy the very present but I can't think at my life to be a continuous pain. I'm scared about ( Read more... ) -
A new week has come
I'm listening to peter Gabriel Don't give up. I love this song. I'm trying to concentrate myself and get ready for a new week. I do have headache, stomachache and bad depression, i really need to get out of this nightmare of Bulimia. -
Start the (healthy )foodlog!!!!
Today my plan should start. Last night i was incredibly scared about it. I had pain everywhere and some sort of panic attacks due to sote throath I found myself with after purging the whole evening. I thought I was gonna die. And the idea of starting a sick plan would definately take me to death. But this morning it's quite ok. I am kinda ready to ( Read more... ) -
Self destroy
I'm just feeling fucking fat. I know it's an obsessive thought but I just can't help watching at the mirror and say fat, disgusting, gross. And the more things are bad in my life, the more I lock myself in the bathroom checking at my fat belly, as like things would magically change or improve if there's no fat around. That's the only thing I can do ( Read more... ) -
Disaster
God. Last night i had one of the worst argument ever with my mom. We are alone in the house cause dad is abroad for a leisure trip. She started to cry out that she is had enought of me being sick and she's disgusted by what i do (binging and purging) and that ALL the shit i do is to kill her is to hurt her. I said "mom is a disorder, i cannot ( Read more... ) -
Frustration
Lycos webhosting suddenly cancelled my account and i don't know why, I've always been paying my dues. That's odd. i really wish I haven't lost all my databases otherwise i will cut them into little brittle squares and eat them for christmas cause they ruined my holidays! I am so frustrated. I want ladylazarus.org back! Today i even should start my ( Read more... )
