Frustration and Stress

[danger_chick]

I've never been a particularly good fighter in TKD and furthermore I don't really enjoy it. Sparring causes me so much stress about the only way to control it when I was in Boston was to fight all of the time. Compared to who I fight on an average basis these days -- men that out-weigh me, are a foot taller, and some of which are ground fighting

Comments

[curly_chick]

I would skip it for two weeks and see how you feel then. Do you miss it? Or, are you secretly relieved?

My feeling is that life is too short to do something that you don't like. And, I see your point about fighting styles being different and you just not liking the Los Alamos style you have seen. That doesn't make you a quitter either. Don't stick with something that makes you feel disempowered.

(by the way, I recognize how much of my response should be labeled do as I say not as I do)

[danger_chick]

I know right now that I wouldn't miss it for two weeks. I'd just be happy to not have the stress. But I would eventually miss the parts that I really like and the people.

[fj]

I quit Judo when I was a brown belt because I realized a black belt had to be worth something on the competitive mat, and I was not. I got the technique down, but could never string it together in attacks. I had no idea what I was doing.

Do these people, or do you, know what you actually like about TKD?

[danger_chick]

Right now I am enjoying forms quite a bit. I am also not bad at self defense, club or knife. Of course, right now, I am not doing so well with clubs and knives being swung at me. It's sort of more like being attacked that is the root problem. In the Boston school, many, many people avoided sparring. It was pretty easy. I would still have room to take many classes. In fact, most of the classes were not sparring. Unlike judo, there should be a lot of things I can do besides sparring. My old grand master used to say that sparring was a young man's game, but most people grow old on forms

[stevenredux]

I am at a complete loss on what to do.

I recommend taking a break for a pre-defined amount of time, but at least a month. Then consider studying in an altogether different martial art for awhile. Might help you gain perspective.

[danger_chick]

You could be very right here. It's a ridiculously small town, though, so my options are limited.

[elpf]

Oddly, I think I completely understand where you are coming from. I've had a lot of trouble getting back into TKD. I love sparring, but only when I can be good at it. I can only be good at it if I do it all the time. When I'm not good at it, I get very stressed about it. I really want to get good at the full-range friday night stuff but I haven't gotten myself to the point of doing it all the time because it just causes stress. The solution I came up with was that I needed to find a way to get a group of people together who I'd be comfortable sparring with (like we used to have). I haven't managed to do it yet, but that was my proposed solution. I do believe that the things that we are looking for out of a sport or a martial art do change over time. Our bodies change and I don't think sparring is something that we can do forever. None of this is really helpful but you shouldn't have to feel this way about something that you do for fun.

[danger_chick]

Thanks for your response; I was hoping to get your opinion

[elpf]

The thing that always amazes me about sparring is how much of a mental game it is. To a certain extent, you just have to be able to let go and believe in yourself. So the thing is, when you ask is it that I'm stressed because I'm afraid of getting hurt or because I'm not as good as I was, my answer is both. They aren't separable. I'm not good because I will always have this doubt in the back of my mind now about what is going to happen. Likewise, in your situation, your anxiety only makes your sparring worse. Again, not a helpful observation, but an observation. As you said, I think we all have our own timeframes too and some of them (again) have more to do with the mind than with the body. It isn't just about TKD either. I know that my attitude about sparring has a lot to do with a lot of other things in my life. I'd certainly say, take a step back so that you can feel like you have more control over the situation for now. At least let yourself recover from the bruises.

[danger_chick]

I'm not good because I will always have this doubt in the back of my mind now about what is going to happen. Likewise, in your situation, your anxiety only makes your sparring worse.

Yeah, you are right on both accounts. I've seen your situation happen in other sports. Plus, you are right that my sparring is sucking particularly much right now. It's like I am so firmly engaged in flight mode that I can barely stay there for the fight. People end up chasing me around.

I know that my attitude about sparring has a lot to do with a lot of other things in my life.Not certain what you mean about this one. Is it just as simple as the more out of control my life is in general, the less likely I will be able to deal with sparring

[wavyarms]

Wow, I'm glad I randomly decided to go read a few entries back in your LJ today - I totally missed this the first time around