She moved out not long after. I didn't blame her. Her confidence was lower than I assessed and she didn't realize how bottomed-out mine was either. I spent months using her in idolatry, and she spent months using me as that fall-back that she didn't realize she wanted to keep by. Though I still question as to how genuine either of those feelings ( Read more... )

###now
"I'm ba-" she saw the new bed ( Read more... )

"You're not doing this."I froze. I knew he had a blunt instrument hovering over me. Even crouching down I could feel him looming to my back. I could hear the interruption of the airflow around it. Making little ripples as he trembled. A pipe, I think. Iron. I don't know; this drink gives you a weird sense of assumption and an accompanying certainty ( Read more... )

I was listening before to as insipid a group-interview as possible. A bunch of people wanting jobs from us and I was kinda keeping to myself on the dais because none of them were going to be part of my department. I was coasting through the multi-hour process and enjoying the Rolling Stone hidden in my folder. Must have looked like I was very ( Read more... )

I scraped coffee grounds together that morning. They were scattered on the floor beside the table with the water cooler and Mr. Coffee machine in the ragged little office I go to every day to see if mail has come. If you "register" as homeless you can come here and see if any distant family member or kind governmental agency has graced you with ( Read more... )

You found me crying one night. In Pennsylvania while we all still lived there. You found me crying and asked what was wrong and I said I just couldn't figure it out. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live forever because then nothing would ever end. It seemed like such a sour, cold thing; to exist. Out of apparently nowhere, between ( Read more... )

So sick of the label of anti-American. I've gotten it and plenty of people on my side have gotten it and plenty of people opposing me have been gifted it by the people on my side ( Read more... )

Dearest, dearest, fearful dearest,

There is momentum in you yet. I don't know if it's a march forth or a flailing drop or just an explosion in all directions but I know you will never be contained. You will burst brightly or nothing else. Nothing quiet. Nothing unworthy of word.

Fuck but I want to die laughing. Most pass unconscious or in horror or in sadness but I want to die laughing. I want my last words to be my best; and best I could ever do would be to live to my guiding, giggling response to anything and everything. My goofy laugh. About as good a sound as any to be the final one. No death rattle. Forcing out the ( Read more... )

I wonder, occasionally, what I really do want to be valued for ( Read more... )