Amends Part 2/2
Part One
It wasn’t that Jensen hadn’t tried to get those answers from Jared before. At the end of tenth grade Jared had gone from tormenting him to ignoring him and most of the other students were leaving Jensen alone as well. Jensen started to think there might be a way to make everything better, so that he and Jared could be friends again.
Some of his teachers had given him suggestions on ways to get the other kids to leave him alone. Unfortunately, it turned out that Jensen might be smart, but he wasn’t very good at being friendly, or funny, or standing up for himself, or ignoring people long enough to make them go away. When he pointed that out, his teachers looked uncomfortable and didn’t suggest anything else.
Jensen didn’t see it that way at the time, but his experiences at school had changed him. He’d gone from being a little withdrawn to being deeply uncomfortable in social situations. He didn’t like talking to people because he never knew when he might say something that sounded perfectly ordinary inside his own head but which sent his peers into fits of laughter. The idea of confronting Jared in person was overwhelming, so instead Jensen decided to write him a letter.
‘Jared,
‘I know it was a long time ago, but I wanted to say sorry for what I said to you when we were in middle school. I shouldn’t have said that and it wasn’t fair to you. I’d take it back if I could.
‘I don’t know if you want to, and if you don’t it’s okay, but I’d like us to be friends again. You were a good friend. I can try harder to be a good friend if you give me a chance, just as long as you tell me what you want me to do.
‘Jensen’
He wasn’t sure how best to give the note to Jared. He couldn’t do it at school, where the wrong person might get hold of it. Eventually he resolved to take it to Jared’s house. It was a little way from Jensen’s, but he had his driver’s license now so he borrowed his mom’s car and drove around there one afternoon. He made sure to pick an afternoon when he knew Jared would be home alone. He dropped the note on the doormat, rang the bell and ran back to his car. He didn’t wait around to see if Jared answered the door.
The next day at school, Jared cornered Jensen when he was coming out of the science lab, the one at the far end of the corridor where it tended to be quiet. He shoved Jensen up against the wall, and when Jensen looked down he could see his note scrunched up in Jared’s hand.
“You shouldn’t have come by my house,” Jared hissed, his hand on Jensen’s shoulder trembling just a little.
“I’m... sorry?” Jensen said uncertainly, because he understood what Jared was saying, but he was acting strange, so twitchy and nervous.
“I want you to stay away from me,” Jared added angrily.
“Fine,” Jensen answered, kind of sullen, angry with himself for believing he could fix things. He couldn’t help but notice, though, that Jared didn’t move away. He’d told Jensen that he wanted nothing to do with him, but he was the one pinning Jensen to the wall.
“I don’t like you,” Jared insisted. “And - and I never did. So leave me alone.” Jensen would have found that more convincing if Jared’s voice hadn’t cracked a little bit on the last words. If Jared didn’t look as though he was in physical pain when he said them.
Jensen put a hand out and touched Jared’s shoulder. “Listen-” he began, but Jared abruptly scowled and slapped his hand away.
“Don’t!” he said. “I told you.” And this time he finally stepped away, flicking the note at Jensen’s head before he turned.
Jensen picked the note up, intending to get rid of it somewhere where no one else could find it. But he couldn’t help but notice that, although it had been crumpled up, the original creases had softened too, as though it had been unfolded and refolded again many times. Inside, there were slightly dirty fingerprints on the bottom of the page.
Still, it was the last time Jensen bothered writing any notes.
*************
The next morning did not go the same way as the previous one. It was a struggle to get out of bed, even though Jensen didn’t have to be up as early as the day before. He came out of the shower and abruptly realised that he had an entirely new selection of clothes to choose from. He went to his closet where they were all hanging up, and tried to figure out what he should put on. Theoretically, it didn’t matter. Sam had already decided what he was going to wear to the party, and those clothes were hanging in a garment bag on the back of the door. But if he put a stupid outfit together everyone who looked at him would know that he was a loser who couldn’t be trusted to dress himself, even with a wardrobe full of nice clothes to choose from.
He was half dressed when the knock came at the door. Jensen panicked a little, although he could hear Danneel letting Jared in, and he grabbed the first shirt he could, dragging it over his shoulders. He was still buttoning it up as he stumbled into the living room, flustered, and found Jared waiting there.
“Sorry,” he said. “Sorry, I slept in. And I can’t remember where I put my fucking shoes.”
Jared was looking at him intently, but didn’t seem to have quite heard what he was saying. “Jared?”
“Uh? Oh. Sorry. Um...” Jared waved a hand at his chest. “Your shirt is, uh... crooked.”
“What? Oh, fuck.” Jensen flushed and started unbuttoning and rebuttoning his shirt. He wasn’t sure, but he thought Jared’s eyes glazed over a little bit.
“You left your shoes by the front door,” Danneel said helpfully. “I told you to put them away so you’d know where to find them later, but you didn’t listen to me. As usual.”
“Yeah, right. Thanks Danneel.” Jensen tried to squeeze his feet into the shoes without undoing the laces. At a raised eyebrow from Jared, though, he took them over to the couch and put them on properly.
“Here,” said Danneel once he was done, handing over a travel mug full of coffee.
“Oh, my God, thank you,” he said, a lot more sincerely this time.
“You can pay me back by introducing me to someone famous tonight,” she called as they walked out the door.
***************
Once they all arrived at the studio, Richard, Gen and Jensen were all ushered in to have their haircuts done. Katie’s assistant, Alona, washed their hair while Katie handled the styling. She cut Gen’s hair first, and Jensen was stunned to see how it changed her. The drab, heavy hairstyle was changed into something softer and lighter which framed her face instead of hiding it. It was like magic. And then Katie did the same thing to Richard, getting rid of all the stray strands that made him look scruffy and styling the remainder with gel so that it looked like he’d just woken up with perfect hair. Jensen was awed, but doubted that she would be able to pull the same thing off with him.
Sitting in the hairdresser’s chair was kind of dull. Jensen watched in the mirror as Katie snipped away with her scissors, wondering how it would turn out. His hair had been pretty short to begin with, and he had a hard time imagining what Katie could do that would make a big difference.
Because he wasn’t expecting much, it came as a huge shock when Katie finally finished cutting and styling and prompted him to look in the mirror. He didn’t look like a dweeb anymore. He suddenly looked... stylish, Jensen supposed. Trendy. Attractive. Like someone who could hang out in a bar and get hit on by heaps of people. Assuming, of course, he managed to speak to them.
It was past midday by the time Katie was happy with their haircuts. She sent them off to have lunch, which was laid out buffet style in a conference room.
“Your haircut looks great, Jensen,” Richard said enthusiastically over sandwiches.
“Oh, thanks,” said Jensen, surprised at the compliment. “Uh, yours, too.” He felt like he should add more, but he was out of ideas.
“Ah, well, I guess Katie did the best she could with the materials she had,” he answered self-deprecatingly. It was the first inkling Jensen had had that Richard wasn’t as self-confident as he appeared, that he doubted himself just like Jensen did. It probably shouldn’t have been so surprising considering that Richard was taking part in a reality TV makeover show, but he never appeared anything less than completely self-confident.
After they’d eaten Jared got them organised for the next stage. “Okay, Gen,” he began. “This is Sandy, and she’s going to do your make-up. Richard, you can go with Sam - she wants to alter some of the clothes you picked up, and then get your outfit sorted out. And, uh, Jensen...” Jared glanced at him quickly over his clipboard. “Uh. This afternoon, you’ll be working with me.”
That piece of news sent an uneasy jolt through Jensen. It wasn’t just that he found it strange, but Jared also seemed really uncomfortable. There had to be a reason for that, and it didn’t exactly bode well for the rest of the day.
Jensen went with Jared into a cosy little studio set up with comfortable armchairs and sofas. They sat down while Dave filmed them from the corner. Jensen looked at Jared expectantly and waited for an explanation.
“So, Jensen,” said Jared nervously. “This time just before the party is usually used for the last minute preparations. It’s when we do make-up, for the women, and anything else that needs extra time, like adjusting any of the clothes to make an awesome outfit for the party.”
“Right,” said Jensen, because none of this was news to him.
“But as you probably know, Jensen, what really bothers you isn’t so much the fashion stuff.”
“Right,” Jensen agreed. He didn’t really give a shit about the fashion stuff.
“It’s more that you struggle with social situations.”
“Oh.” Jensen could feel himself flush. “So what? You’re supposed to, like... help me learn how to talk to people?” That was a fucking joke. As far as Jensen could remember, Jared’s idea of a friendly conversation was insulting the other person until they cried.
“Uh, yeah.” At least Jared had the decency to look embarrassed about it. Only a little - Jensen doubted it would be obvious to anyone who didn’t know Jared, but it was to him. “So...” Jared added, “We might start by figuring out exactly what you find difficult when interacting with people.”
“Okay...” said Jensen.
“Yeah, so... imagine it’s the party tonight, and there are people around, and you want to talk to them. What would you talk to them about?”
“Oh, right.” Jensen gave that a moment’s thought. “See... I think my interests are pretty boring to most people. So I’d try to avoid, like, model spaceships and MMORPG’s, but then I don’t pay attention much to things that most people like, such as... uh...stuff.” He tried to think of normal interests, and failed. He tried to block out the little voice that told him he was making himself look like a loser in front of Jared. It was one more day, and then he’d never have to see him again.
“Okay,” said Jared. “That’s... well, something you might try is asking people questions about their lives. Like about their jobs or anything else you know about them. People love to talk about themselves.”
“Sure,” said Jensen a little hesitantly.
“We can try it now. It’s the party, and I’m some person you’re trying to talk to. So you say...?”
Jensen looked around the room for inspiration. It felt stupid asking Jared about his job when he already knew what it was. “So...” he said, “Do you, have, um... a job?”
“Okay,” Jared said after a pause. “That’s a good start. How about, this time, instead of asking if I have a job, you can try, ‘what do you do for a living,’ or, ‘what kind of work do you do,’ or even ‘what do you do all day,’ something like that.”
“Right,” said Jensen. “What do you do... for work?”
Jared nodded encouragingly. “I’m a doctor,” he answered.
“Oh,” said Jensen. God, this was the worst role-playing ever. If Jared’s pretend job was being an orc barbarian, he’d know what to say. “That sounds...” Hard. Boring. Stressful. Sad. “Um... interesting.”
“Right,” said Jared, barely suppressing a sigh. Jensen felt sort of bad, but really, it wasn’t his fault he was no good at this. “Was that what you were going to say at first? That it sounded interesting?”
“Well, no...” said Jensen. He would have stopped there, but Jared nodded as though he wanted Jensen to continue. “I was going to say it would be a hard job.”
“But you changed your mind?”
“Yeah...”
“Why?”
“I just thought it would sound stupid. Like, of course it’s hard. If being a doctor was easy everyone would do it.”
“Hm,” Jared said thoughtfully. “Well, I mean... not that I’m agreeing it would be a stupid thing to say, mind you, but so what if it was?”
“Huh?”
“Really. So what if you said something that was kind of dumb? What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“Uh...” Jensen looked at Jared, trying to figure out if he was being asked a trick question. “They’d think I was a moron?”
“So?”
“So...” Maybe Jared was just dense. “I don’t really want everyone around me to think that I’m an idiot.”
“Well, fair enough.” Jared quirked a faint smile. “But most people aren’t going to decide you’re stupid based on one thing that you say.”
“Really?” Jensen asked doubtfully.
“Not unless they’re a complete jerk.”
Jensen thought about that. He’d heard the same thing before, from his parents and from Danneel, but it was interesting to hear Jared say it. It struck him as profoundly hypocritical. Jared was the one who, in high school, had taken every opportunity to mock every word that came out of Jensen’s mouth, regardless of whether it was stupid or not. He had to realise that he was a big part of the reason why Jensen was so reluctant to talk to new people.
“Why don’t we try it again?” Jared said. “I’m standing at the refreshments table, drinking a martini.”
“Okay. Um. So, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m the most successful porn star in Texas.”
Jensen held in his laughter and tried to recite the words Jared had given him. “Well, um... is that... hard?”
Jared looked back at him, his expression blank but his lips twitching. He managed to hold it together until Jensen started to snicker, and they both collapsed into laughter until their eyes watered.
“That was not fair,” Jensen gasped. “You jerk.”
Jared gave one last chortle and took a deep breath. “Right, sorry. Serious now. Go again.”
“What sort of work do you do?”
“I’m a bank teller.”
“Oh... cool.” Jared looked at him for a moment without saying anything, and Jensen felt like a failure. “Which bank?”
“That’s more like it,” said Jared with a smile.
“I feel like a complete dickhead,” Jensen pointed out. He looked away from Jared, which meant his gaze fell on the camera which he’d managed to forget was in the room. He blushed bright red and looked at the floor. Jared shifted in his chair and drew Jensen’s attention back to him.
“Can you figure out why it is that you’re so worried about what other people think of you?” Jared asked, and Jensen had to try not to laugh at him.
He figured Jared was asking that question because it would look strange if he didn’t, and not because he didn’t know the answer. It had occurred to him already that Jared must not have mentioned knowing Jensen to the studio; he didn’t think they’d have let him come on the show if they knew. There had to be some kind of rule about it. So Jared must be really invested in this pretence that he and Jensen were strangers, and that meant pretending that he had no idea where Jensen’s issues came from. It was starting to piss Jensen off.
“You can say that people don’t care if I say something stupid, and that they’re not just waiting for me to screw up, but I don’t believe you,” he said forcefully. “That’s not how it’s gone for me in the past. People have treated me like shit over one stupid thing I’ve said. Not even that much, sometimes. Sometimes it was just enough that I was there.”
Jared’s expression turned miserable. “That’s horrible,” he said, “And I’m sorry.” Jensen wouldn’t let himself react to the apology. “But I think that... when people treated you like that, what was really going on - probably - was just that they had their own issues. It wasn’t actually anything to do with you, or anything you did. It was just... they were the ones who had a problem, and they took it out on you. It wasn’t your fault.”
That got Jensen to react. He blinked rapidly, because he absolutely refused to cry on camera. “That’s not much comfort to me now,” he rasped.
“I know. But, listen... the party, tonight? No one who comes to it is going to give you a hard time. And if they do, they’re not welcome. We won’t have them here. I took this job to help people, not set them up for bullies to knock down. So I want you to try to put yourself out there, and see that things can be different.”
Jensen nodded reluctantly. “I’m blaming you if it goes wrong,” he joked half heartedly.
“Yeah, fair enough,” Jared replied seriously. “Listen, it’s getting late. Sam’s probably looking for you to get you dressed.”
“Oh, right.” Jensen hadn’t realised how much time had passed. He felt pretty drained, and wished that the day could just be over already.
“Why don’t you go get some coffee first, though,” Jared suggested, and Jensen thought it was the best idea he’d heard all day.
After that, Sam did track him down and herded him off to get dressed and ready for the party. It didn’t take all that long, and then there was nothing to do but wait for the guests to arrive.
“Once it’s time, you’ll come into the room through this door,” she said, showing him where to go. “That way, everyone will be able to see the new you and we can get footage of all their reactions.”
“Sounds awesome,” said Jensen with a complete lack of sincerity.
After a while, he could hear people starting to arrive, and chattering in the other room. Eventually, there was a hush, and Sam came in.
“Okay,” she said, “You first, Richard.”
Richard grinned nervously at them as he headed out the door. It closed behind him, and Jensen could hear quiet for a moment, followed by loud exclamations. It went on for a few minutes, and then Sam said, “Your turn, Gen.”
Jensen waited some more as a similar hum of conversation erupted when Genevieve went through the door. His hands were sweaty and he rubbed them against his pants.
“Don’t do that, you’ll crease them,” said Sam. “Here, use a napkin.”
So Jensen took the napkin and wiped his hands, then shredded the defenceless paper into tiny scraps because it made him feel better. At last, Sam said, “Okay, it’s time for you to go in now,” and Jensen said,
“Oh, God, I can’t do this.”
“For God’s sake. Yes you can.” Sam put a hand to his shoulder and firmly pushed him through the door. “Just go out there, smile, and have fun,” she ordered, and then he was through the door and every single light in the room was shining on him. Every single person was looking at him.
Jensen tried to smile. His face felt strange, as though his expression was a sticker someone had stuck on upside down. He realised that people were talking. They were saying things like ‘Gosh’ and ‘Wow’ and he was pretty sure someone whistled, which nearly made him trip over his own feet. He was sure they had to be talking about someone else... but they were all looking at him.
“Oh, Jensen,” he heard, and then suddenly Donna was there, hugging him and kissing his cheek.
“Hey, Mom,” he answered, feeling sheepish.
“Oh, my baby,” she said, patting his shoulder and straightening his collar. “You look so handsome.”
“You look good, son,” said Alan, standing on his other side.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Hey, Jensen, you don’t look completely horrible.”
“Aw, thanks Mackenzie. It’s not so awful to see you here, either.”
Jensen let his parents and sister hug and fuss over him for a minute or two, and then tried to gently pry them off. Donna pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes.
“Aw, geez, Mom,” Jensen said. “It’s just some clothes and a new hairstyle. I’m still just the same old Jensen.”
“I’m just so happy for you,” she sniffled.
“Oh my God,” he heard a familiar voice say over the general noise in the room. “Can that really be Jensen? Somebody catch me, I feel faint!”
“Shut up, Danneel,” Jensen said, trying to keep the grin from his face. “See if I invite you to my next party.”
“Danneel, doesn’t he look so handsome? My baby boy.”
Danneel looked him up and down, and gave an approving nod. “He sure does,” she said.
Donna whipped out her camera, taking a few photos to send to Jensen’s brother, who hadn’t been able to come to the party. Jensen put up with this for a good ten seconds before sending a pleading glance Danneel’s way. She smirked and stubbornly refused to rescue him. The traitor.
Jensen heard someone standing behind him clear his throat, and turned around to see Jared. “Jensen,” he said, “Can I get you and your guests to come over and answer a few questions about your new look?”
They went over to where Dave’s camera was set up, and Jared asked, “So, are you happy with how this has turned out, Jensen?”
Jensen reflected that it would have taken a lot to make him unhappy, considering his lack of investment in this whole venture, but he knew better than to say that. “Yeah,” he said instead. “It’s awesome. Uh, I feel like a whole new person.”
“Donna, do you like what you see?”
“Oh, Jared, I just can’t believe it’s my Jensen. Thank you!” She reached out and kissed Jared on the cheek. Jared froze and then backed away, blushing deeply. “You’ve turned my son into such a good looking man.”
“Hey!” Jensen protested, but his heart wasn’t in it. Donna was so happy. She’d been happy when he got that promotion at work, but not like this. He didn’t want to spoil it for her.
Eventually they got away from Jared and the cameras, and waiters brought out drinks and finger food. Jensen nibbled on some hors d’oeurves, feeling suddenly hungry.
“Do you feel relieved, now it’s nearly over?” Danneel asked, leaning in to whisper to him.
“Yeah, of course,” said Jensen. “It wasn’t so bad, but I can’t say I’d want to do it again.”
“And Jared? Are things still okay with him?”
Jensen looked over to where Jared was talking to Gen and her family. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he said. He hadn’t managed to talk to Jared like he’d sort of wanted to, and now he probably wasn’t going to get the chance, but he couldn’t worry too much about that. “It doesn’t matter, right? I won’t have to see him again after tonight. I can put it all behind me.” He said it confidently, trying not to think that he’d spent the last ten years trying and failing to put it behind him. That was life. There were some things that couldn’t be fixed, and the only thing to be done was put up with them.
Jensen didn’t really make any effort to, but he found himself circulating and talking to most people at the party. Gen and Richard both came to talk to him and introduced him to their guests. They were all lovely people and Jensen found that he didn’t have to worry about thinking of things to say if he just stood on the edge of the group and listened. No one seemed to mind that he was being quiet.
Near the end of the night, he ran into Jared again, and he asked, “Have you had a good time?”
“Yeah,” Jensen answered honestly. “It’s actually... gone a lot better than I expected.”
“That’s good. Your mom and dad seemed really happy with your makeover.”
“Yeah. Man, I can’t believe my mom. I guess I should be used to her, I mean, you know...” Jensen stammered to a halt. “You... you know what she’s like.”
“Yeah,” said Jared. “I guess I do. I’ve, I’ve missed your parents, actually. It was good to see them again.”
Jensen snorted. “Oh, really? You can’t count on your own parents to show up and embarrass you in the middle of a party?”
“Oh, well.” Jared looked away. “I don’t have contact with them anymore.”
“Oh.” Jensen shifted his weight, feeling awkward. He couldn’t help feeling like he’d stuck his foot in his mouth. He wondered what had happened between Jared and his parents. When he was a kid, he’d never spent much time at Jared’s house. They’d always played outside, where there were things that Jared liked to do, or gone to Jensen’s house, where there were awesome science-y things that Jensen liked to do. At the time, he’d figured that Jared liked being outdoors too much, but as he’d grown older he’d come to realise that Jared’s dad wasn’t exactly fun to be around. When Jared had come out and started to advocate for gay rights in the local media, Jensen had never considered whether that would cause him problems with his parents. Maybe he should have.
Of course, it really wasn’t the time right then to go into it, so Jensen said, “I’m sorry,” and let it go. He wished now that he’d asked all those questions before, when he’d had the chance. But it was too late, and he’d just have to deal with that.
“Thanks,” Jared said, and a moment later he made an excuse and left to talk to someone else.
For the rest of the night, Jensen alternated between avoiding Jared and trying to work up the nerve to talk to him some more. Unfortunately, the night was over before he could manage that, and he wound up collecting his coat and going out to his parents’ car without seeing Jared again.
It was a tight squeeze in the back seat with Mackenzie and Danneel, but they managed. The two girls chatted excitedly about the party and Jensen watched the city lights flash past through the window. He should have been happy; the end of the show should have been a weight lifted from his shoulders, but he just felt empty. He sighed and leaned against the car door. Something in his jacket pocket crinkled, and he reached in to see what it was.
It was a piece of paper, folded into a square and tucked deep into the pocket. Jensen could feel the shape of it but didn’t want to take it out. It was too dark to see it properly and he didn’t want anyone else to notice it. It was probably nothing anyway, just a bit of rubbish that had got put in there by mistake.
He waited until he and Danneel were dropped off at home and he was able to seclude himself in his room before taking it out. It was a lined piece of paper from a notepad, and Jensen’s name was written on it. Jensen’s name in Jared’s handwriting. He stared at it, half expecting that if he looked for long enough, it would vanish like the illusion it had to be.
That didn’t happen, though. Jensen unfolded the note quickly, opening it and wondering what it could say. He sat on his bed clutching the note and started to read.
‘Jensen,
‘I guess it’s pretty cowardly of me to tell you all this in a note, when I owe you an explanation face to face. I don’t think we’re going to get a chance to do that, though, so this is all I can offer.
‘There’s nothing in my life I regret as much as screwing up our friendship. You might not believe that, and I can’t blame you if you don’t, but it’s true.
‘I’ve never had another friend who cared about me like you did, who I could trust as much as I trusted you, who was as smart and funny and kind. Being your friend was one of the best times of my life.
‘I still remember the day you said you liked me. You know what I mean. I’m sorry. It scared the hell out of me because it meant it didn’t matter how hard I worked to be good at sports and act tough. It meant Dad was right about me, and all those things he said were true. So I panicked and I tried to pretend I didn’t feel the same way and I turned on you, and I got everyone else to do the same. I’m sorry. I wish I could change it.
‘You’ve got every right to hate me. You can just throw this away if you want to. But I’m putting my cell number on here, just in case. I think maybe you coming on the show was like a second chance for me, and I’m trying really hard not to mess up second chances when I get them. So you can call me if you want, any time. I’ll do anything I can to make it right.
‘Jared’
Jensen looked down at the bottom of the page to where Jared had neatly printed his cell number, and he wondered what he was supposed to do now.
**************
“It’s not like I even wanted to hear his sob story about how Daddy was mean to him and he’s really, really, sorry. He just dumped it on me without even wondering whether I cared or not.”
“That inconsiderate bastard.”
“But on the other hand... I always wondered if he’d been eaten up with guilt this whole time, and I guess it looks like he was. So it’s kind of like proof that he cares, I guess, and that I am important to him.”
“That’s a good point.”
“But then, it’s pretty arrogant of him to not even consider that I might have moved on. He just assumed that I’d still want to hear what he had to say. Danneel, what should I do?”
“My God, I’m so confused.” Danneel put a hand over her face and collapsed backwards onto the couch.
“He gave me his cell number,” Jensen mused, running his fingers over the figures written on the note. “So he obviously wants me to call him. And I’ve always thought about, well...” He looked up at Danneel, feeling awkward. “I’ve always wondered if we might be able to get past what happened and be friends again. Because he was such a good friend. Until he wasn’t. I’ve never stopped wanting that, and now it might even be possible. So this should be an easy decision. I’m just afraid of getting disappointed or hurt again.”
“I can see how that would make things difficult. Jensen, you don’t owe him a damn thing, so if you decide to go ahead and call him, make sure you’re doing it for you, not for him.”
Jensen thought that over. “You’re right, of course,” he said. “Even if we did both want to try, it would be hard to put everything behind us and start over. If we both tried, though, it might work out.”
“You should give him a call, then,” Danneel suggested, smiling up at him supportively.
“Yeah, maybe I should,” said Jensen, looking across the room to the phone. “But suppose I did,” he went on, “And things weren’t okay? What if it turns out Jared’s still an asshole, and he’s just been pretending for the past week, and by calling him I give him another opportunity to treat me like crap?”
Danneel stood up from the couch with sharp movements. “Okay, Jensen, listen to me,” she said firmly. “I know Jared put you through a lot and I’m not suggesting that you should cut him any slack. But everything else you’re talking about... what if this, and what if that, that’s just a normal part of dealing with people. And you pretty much avoid dealing with people at every turn, so you’ve never had to learn that, but trust me, okay? That’s how it is. Sometimes people suck, and sometimes what the other person wants is different to what you want, and then someone gets hurt. So you can hide in here and wonder what you should do for the next fifty years, but there’s only one way to get the answers to your questions.”
“Okay.” Jensen nodded, thinking over what Danneel had said. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
“I’m not going to call him.”
“Fine.”
“He’s already had one chance to ruin my life, why should I give him another?”
“You shouldn’t.”
“That would be stupid.” Jensen looked down at the note he was holding. “I’m going to go put this... away.”
He walked out of the room, but he could feel Danneel’s gaze on his back, silently judging him for not throwing the note away like a smart person would.
***********
Life went on remarkably unchanged after that. Jensen’s co-workers commented on his new look, but didn’t take that much notice. Two weeks passed and Jensen stopped waiting for lightning to strike, stopped waiting for a new personality to be delivered to match his new appearance. It was like he’d told Jared. He was still the same person, he just looked different.
They’d started playing commercials for Jensen’s episodes of The Ugly Duckling, featuring Katie asking him about bleaching his hair and him being horrified in response. The ads also showed Richard talking about wanting to start dating again after ending his first marriage, and Genevieve talking about how she put so much time into teaching that she felt like she never managed to do anything for herself. Jensen couldn’t help but feel like he was being set up to be the comic relief.
They sat down to watch the first episode. Gen and Richard’s interviews were played, where they talked in more detail about the things that had been mentioned in the commercials. From Jensen’s interview, they’d used the bit where he talked about his mom signing him up for the show, and then the bit where he’d talked about his totally innovative and not at all boring fan design. Only, they’d kept Jared’s first reaction where he looked confused, instead of the enthusiastic one. The rest was a mash of ‘Sometimes it's hard for me to get along with other people’ and ‘Other kids my age didn't really get me. I guess I could be a pretty annoying kid’ and ‘I don’t date much.’ Jensen grimaced at the TV, and Danneel was silent.
There was a short clip of Danneel saying “Jensen’s the best friend I’ve ever had. I’d be a fool to ever let anything mess that up,” while giving Jared a sweet smile. That was quickly followed by “If Jensen ever saw an epilator, he’d probably assume it was a miniature vacuum cleaner or something.”
“Thanks a lot! Some friend you are,” Jensen snapped.
“They cut the whole bit where I talked about how I’d stalk and murder anyone who ever hurt you,” Danneel said, put out. “They’ve got a bunch of hacks running this show.”
“The biggest,” Jensen agreed. He looked back to the TV, where Genevieve was trying to choose a new hair colour. “What’s an epilator?”
***************
The next day’s episode continued in a very similar fashion. There was clip where Richard held up a shirt from his closet and explained that he couldn’t wear it anymore because it reminded him of his ex-wife, but he couldn’t bear to part with it for the same reason.
When the episode moved on to Gen, they saw her go through her own closet saying things like, “Bought this shirt three years ago, this dress five years ago. Here’s a new one, I only bought it this year. Oh, wait, no, it was last year. God, when was the last time I even went shopping for myself?”
And then there was Jensen, stammering like an idiot when asked to describe a normal outfit that he might see in his office, and completely unable to express a preference about his clothes in any way. Watching himself, Jensen was amazed he had the brains to do everyday things like have a job and feed himself. He was coming across like someone who couldn’t be trusted with a butter knife.
Day three, and Richard and Gen’s stories continued to unfold, with Gen gleeful over her new selection of clothes. “When my students see me dressed in something stylish, I bet they’ll all die of shock!” Richard was more contemplative. “I don’t know if I’m ready to start dating again, but I’ve got one less excuse not to now.”
When Jensen appeared on the screen, it was to completely fail to identify different items of clothing or to grouchily declare that he didn’t care which colour shirt he took home. He kind of wanted to stop watching entirely, but he figured it was best to know what they were showing rather than being unaware.
“I guess Jared really hasn’t changed at all,” Danneel mused.
“Jared probably has nothing to do with how it’s all edited together,” Jensen said, just to be fair.
“Yeah, I know,” Danneel admitted. “But this still sucks.”
They sat down to watch the next evening with a feeling of dread. Gen and Richard talked during their segments about what they hoped to be able to do after the show. They played a few clips from Jared and Jensen’s role playing, from ‘do you have a job?’ to ‘I don’t want everyone to think I’m stupid’ to his impassioned speech to Jared about how he didn’t believe that people would excuse his mistakes. Jensen curled up on the couch and covered his face with his hands.
“It’s not so bad, Jensen,” Danneel said encouragingly.
“It is so bad, Danneel,” Jensen argued. “I have to go to work tomorrow, and talk to people about how I have no social skills because when I was a kid, some other kids were mean to me. I should never have done this.”
“It’ll be fine,” Danneel argued, but the phone rang then and she went to answer it. “It’s your mom,” she said, extending the phone to Jensen.
Jensen took the phone reluctantly. “Hey,” he said into the mouthpiece.
“Jensen, oh my God, why did you never tell me about any of this?” Donna exclaimed. She sounded upset. Jensen sighed.
“Mom, come on, it wasn’t even that bad,” Jensen tried. Donna sniffled and he went on, “They’re making it sound way worse than it actually was. You know. TV.”
“I always thought you just didn’t like other people. I had to watch a TV show to find out you were being bullied.”
“I just didn’t want to make you worry about it, Mom, that’s all.”
“Now you listen to me, Jensen Ross Ackles.” Jensen hadn’t lived in his mother’s house for ten years, but that tone of voice could still make him sit up and pay attention. “I am your mother. Worrying about you is my job. Protecting you is my job. It’s not your job to protect me. You’re my son.”
Donna sounded a little choked up, and Jensen’s own throat felt a little tight as he replied. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you, but I should have.”
“Was Jared one of them?” she asked. Jensen didn’t answer, and she sighed. “I would never have signed you up for this if I’d known. Next time I see him, I’m going to stick my foot right up...”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Jensen said, finding to his surprise that he meant it. “Work is going to suck tomorrow, but I don’t think that’s Jared’s fault.”
“I’m sorry this didn’t turn out better for you.”
“It’s no big deal.”
After Jensen had hung up the phone, he turned to Danneel and said, “Do you think it will look suspicious if I call in sick tomorrow?”
***********
“There was a group hug,” Jensen growled as he walked through the door the next evening. “I had to tell Pete that I was allergic to the fibre in his sweater to get away. Milo from accounting told me all about how the kids at his middle school forced him to eat sand. Our lunch hour was practically a group therapy session.”
“So it wasn’t as bad as you thought?” Danneel asked.
Jensen scowled. “Everyone kept talking to me,” he said. “And touching me. And I think they all expected me to cry.”
“It could have been worse.”
“Being an inspiration for the bullied masses isn’t exactly my lifelong dream.” Jensen shrugged out of his jacket and slumped down at the table.
“Come on, Jensen, isn’t it nice to know you’re not alone? Those people have all been through similar things. They know how you feel. They want to be there for you.”
Jensen shrugged, looking down at his hands. “I guess,” he admitted. “It was nice to have people there who listened.”
“Well there you go, then. I found something interesting today, too.”
“What?”
“A news article. I emailed you the link.”
Jensen booted up his computer and found the email Danneel was referring to. The article was headlined ‘Reality TV Host to Leave Makeover Show’.
‘Jared Padalecki, host of the successful TTL reality show The Ugly Duckling, has announced that he will not be renewing his contract for the upcoming season. TTL could not be reached for comment on this surprising turn of events. We asked Padalecki about his sudden decision, and he said “It’s really important to know when it’s time to make a change, and for me that time has come.”
‘Padalecki said he did not have concrete plans for his next career move, but did say, “There are a lot of opportunities out there, and I’m very excited to see what’s around the corner for me next.”
‘The Ugly Duckling will run for two more weeks before the current season ends. TTL have not yet announced whether they will continue the show with a different host.’
“He quit?” said Jensen in shock. “Why did he quit?”
“You read the same article I did, right?” Danneel asked, following him into the study.
“But that doesn’t say anything. It’s all this ‘time for change’ bullshit. That could mean anything.”
“It is pretty vague,” Danneel agreed.
“What if...” Jensen began, and then trailed off, shaking his head.
“What if what?”
“Nothing. It’s stupid.”
“I’m sure it isn’t.”
Jensen looked at her, thinking hard. “Do you think it could be because of me?” he wondered. “I mean, it’s probably not. It’s probably incredibly self-centred of me to even consider it.”
“I don’t think you’re being self-centred,” Danneel said. “That could be it. We don’t know.”
“Yeah. We don’t.”
“You could find out, though,” Danneel suggested. “You’ve still got his phone number.”
Jensen thought about that, but put off making the decision. “Come on. If we’re going to get dinner made before the show comes on, we have to start now.”
They sat down in front of the TV with lamb chops and ate their meal as clips played from the party night. There was lots of gushing from different people over the dramatically changed appearances of Jensen, Richard and Gen. Every person who attended must have been interviewed, because there were lots of people talking about how much their friend or relative had changed. There was one clip of Mackenzie saying “Before this, Jensen’s idea of dressing up was brushing his hair,” which made Jensen snort.
“That’s so untrue!” he protested. “I always kept my hair neat.”
“That’s right,” Danneel agreed. “You had the neatest hair this side of the fifties.”
“Somehow, I think you’re making fun of me,” Jensen grumbled, but he didn’t really care.
Jared had been interviewed too, to predict how things would turn out for each of them. “It’s really tough to pick yourself up and get out there again after ending a serious relationship,” he said. “I think Richard’s very self aware, though, and won’t do anything he’s not ready for.”
About Genevieve, he said, “I hope we’ve helped her realise that it’s okay to spend a little time on yourself once in a while. It’s really admirable to give so much of yourself to others, but that can only last as long as you take care of yourself.”
Finally, they must have asked him about Jensen. Jensen braced himself. “I think the hardest part for Jensen is still to come. We can try to give people the confidence to be more open around others, but it’s still very hard to do that when your past experiences haven’t been so great. I hope that Jensen gives the people around him a chance, and that he realises that they’re better than maybe he assumes they are.” Jared looked right at the camera, and Jensen would have described his expression as troubled. “It’s so rewarding to do this job and be able to help people with it, but sometimes I worry that I’m setting them up just for other people to knock down.”
There were a few more minutes left of the episode, but Jensen paid little attention to them, being too busy thinking over what Jared had said.
“Jensen?” Danneel asked him some time later, and he realised that CSI was on and he had apparently been sitting in a fugue for thirty minutes.
“I need the phone,” he said abruptly. Danneel held out her arm, and Jensen realised she was clutching the phone. He gave her a suspicious look, but she just raised her eyebrows and waggled the phone at him.
“I have to go,” he said, taking the phone from her grip. “Me and the phone have to go to my room now.”
“Say hi to Jared for me,” Danneel called cheekily.
Jensen entered the phone number nervously. As he waited for it to dial a horrible thought occurred to him. What if Jared’s phone was one the network had given him and they’d taken it back because he was quitting? He waited anxiously as it rang and rang, until he finally heard the click of it being answered.
“Jared speaking.”
It took a second for Jensen to be able to speak. “Hey. Jared? Um, hi. This is Jensen.”
**************
A few months later, Jared Padalecki featured in another article, headlined: ‘Padalecki to host new reality show’.
‘Reality TV host Jared Padalecki was recently confirmed as the creator and host of an upcoming IGTV reality series,
‘The show will be titled Young Champions and will film the lives of ordinary young people who do extraordinary things.
‘Padalecki said, “In our society, we recognise only certain types of achievement, and only certain types of achievers. I hope to be able to use Young Champions to show that we’re all capable of amazing things, and that we all deserve recognition for them. I want to explore the idea that, sure, kids are out there playing sports and auditioning for American Idol or whatever, and that’s great, but at the same time, there are kids out there learning to build things, or make art, and even just doing little things to help the people around them, and that’s worth celebrating too.”
‘Young Champions will accept applications from young people aged 16 to 25, and will follow a relatively casual format.
‘“I don’t want to be too constrained by the structure of the show,” Padalecki said. “I don’t want this to be a heavily edited show which forces its participants into narrow stereotypes. My goal is to overcome that type of thinking. To show that it doesn’t matter if you’re different to other people, you can still be a good and talented person.”
'Young Champions is set to start filming in August, and applications can be submitted through the network website.’
Jared read the article, and smiled, and put the newspaper away before going to read more applications. He had a lot of work to do.
Jensen read the article, and smiled, and cut it out to keep, so he could show it to Jared whenever he forgot that someone could make mistakes, and still be a good and talented person.
The following year, when Young Champions was nominated for an Emmy, Jensen agreed to attend the ceremony as Jared’s plus one.
He declined the stylist appointment.
Jared didn’t care.
It wasn’t that Jensen hadn’t tried to get those answers from Jared before. At the end of tenth grade Jared had gone from tormenting him to ignoring him and most of the other students were leaving Jensen alone as well. Jensen started to think there might be a way to make everything better, so that he and Jared could be friends again.
Some of his teachers had given him suggestions on ways to get the other kids to leave him alone. Unfortunately, it turned out that Jensen might be smart, but he wasn’t very good at being friendly, or funny, or standing up for himself, or ignoring people long enough to make them go away. When he pointed that out, his teachers looked uncomfortable and didn’t suggest anything else.
Jensen didn’t see it that way at the time, but his experiences at school had changed him. He’d gone from being a little withdrawn to being deeply uncomfortable in social situations. He didn’t like talking to people because he never knew when he might say something that sounded perfectly ordinary inside his own head but which sent his peers into fits of laughter. The idea of confronting Jared in person was overwhelming, so instead Jensen decided to write him a letter.
‘Jared,
‘I know it was a long time ago, but I wanted to say sorry for what I said to you when we were in middle school. I shouldn’t have said that and it wasn’t fair to you. I’d take it back if I could.
‘I don’t know if you want to, and if you don’t it’s okay, but I’d like us to be friends again. You were a good friend. I can try harder to be a good friend if you give me a chance, just as long as you tell me what you want me to do.
‘Jensen’
He wasn’t sure how best to give the note to Jared. He couldn’t do it at school, where the wrong person might get hold of it. Eventually he resolved to take it to Jared’s house. It was a little way from Jensen’s, but he had his driver’s license now so he borrowed his mom’s car and drove around there one afternoon. He made sure to pick an afternoon when he knew Jared would be home alone. He dropped the note on the doormat, rang the bell and ran back to his car. He didn’t wait around to see if Jared answered the door.
The next day at school, Jared cornered Jensen when he was coming out of the science lab, the one at the far end of the corridor where it tended to be quiet. He shoved Jensen up against the wall, and when Jensen looked down he could see his note scrunched up in Jared’s hand.
“You shouldn’t have come by my house,” Jared hissed, his hand on Jensen’s shoulder trembling just a little.
“I’m... sorry?” Jensen said uncertainly, because he understood what Jared was saying, but he was acting strange, so twitchy and nervous.
“I want you to stay away from me,” Jared added angrily.
“Fine,” Jensen answered, kind of sullen, angry with himself for believing he could fix things. He couldn’t help but notice, though, that Jared didn’t move away. He’d told Jensen that he wanted nothing to do with him, but he was the one pinning Jensen to the wall.
“I don’t like you,” Jared insisted. “And - and I never did. So leave me alone.” Jensen would have found that more convincing if Jared’s voice hadn’t cracked a little bit on the last words. If Jared didn’t look as though he was in physical pain when he said them.
Jensen put a hand out and touched Jared’s shoulder. “Listen-” he began, but Jared abruptly scowled and slapped his hand away.
“Don’t!” he said. “I told you.” And this time he finally stepped away, flicking the note at Jensen’s head before he turned.
Jensen picked the note up, intending to get rid of it somewhere where no one else could find it. But he couldn’t help but notice that, although it had been crumpled up, the original creases had softened too, as though it had been unfolded and refolded again many times. Inside, there were slightly dirty fingerprints on the bottom of the page.
Still, it was the last time Jensen bothered writing any notes.
*************
The next morning did not go the same way as the previous one. It was a struggle to get out of bed, even though Jensen didn’t have to be up as early as the day before. He came out of the shower and abruptly realised that he had an entirely new selection of clothes to choose from. He went to his closet where they were all hanging up, and tried to figure out what he should put on. Theoretically, it didn’t matter. Sam had already decided what he was going to wear to the party, and those clothes were hanging in a garment bag on the back of the door. But if he put a stupid outfit together everyone who looked at him would know that he was a loser who couldn’t be trusted to dress himself, even with a wardrobe full of nice clothes to choose from.
He was half dressed when the knock came at the door. Jensen panicked a little, although he could hear Danneel letting Jared in, and he grabbed the first shirt he could, dragging it over his shoulders. He was still buttoning it up as he stumbled into the living room, flustered, and found Jared waiting there.
“Sorry,” he said. “Sorry, I slept in. And I can’t remember where I put my fucking shoes.”
Jared was looking at him intently, but didn’t seem to have quite heard what he was saying. “Jared?”
“Uh? Oh. Sorry. Um...” Jared waved a hand at his chest. “Your shirt is, uh... crooked.”
“What? Oh, fuck.” Jensen flushed and started unbuttoning and rebuttoning his shirt. He wasn’t sure, but he thought Jared’s eyes glazed over a little bit.
“You left your shoes by the front door,” Danneel said helpfully. “I told you to put them away so you’d know where to find them later, but you didn’t listen to me. As usual.”
“Yeah, right. Thanks Danneel.” Jensen tried to squeeze his feet into the shoes without undoing the laces. At a raised eyebrow from Jared, though, he took them over to the couch and put them on properly.
“Here,” said Danneel once he was done, handing over a travel mug full of coffee.
“Oh, my God, thank you,” he said, a lot more sincerely this time.
“You can pay me back by introducing me to someone famous tonight,” she called as they walked out the door.
***************
Once they all arrived at the studio, Richard, Gen and Jensen were all ushered in to have their haircuts done. Katie’s assistant, Alona, washed their hair while Katie handled the styling. She cut Gen’s hair first, and Jensen was stunned to see how it changed her. The drab, heavy hairstyle was changed into something softer and lighter which framed her face instead of hiding it. It was like magic. And then Katie did the same thing to Richard, getting rid of all the stray strands that made him look scruffy and styling the remainder with gel so that it looked like he’d just woken up with perfect hair. Jensen was awed, but doubted that she would be able to pull the same thing off with him.
Sitting in the hairdresser’s chair was kind of dull. Jensen watched in the mirror as Katie snipped away with her scissors, wondering how it would turn out. His hair had been pretty short to begin with, and he had a hard time imagining what Katie could do that would make a big difference.
Because he wasn’t expecting much, it came as a huge shock when Katie finally finished cutting and styling and prompted him to look in the mirror. He didn’t look like a dweeb anymore. He suddenly looked... stylish, Jensen supposed. Trendy. Attractive. Like someone who could hang out in a bar and get hit on by heaps of people. Assuming, of course, he managed to speak to them.
It was past midday by the time Katie was happy with their haircuts. She sent them off to have lunch, which was laid out buffet style in a conference room.
“Your haircut looks great, Jensen,” Richard said enthusiastically over sandwiches.
“Oh, thanks,” said Jensen, surprised at the compliment. “Uh, yours, too.” He felt like he should add more, but he was out of ideas.
“Ah, well, I guess Katie did the best she could with the materials she had,” he answered self-deprecatingly. It was the first inkling Jensen had had that Richard wasn’t as self-confident as he appeared, that he doubted himself just like Jensen did. It probably shouldn’t have been so surprising considering that Richard was taking part in a reality TV makeover show, but he never appeared anything less than completely self-confident.
After they’d eaten Jared got them organised for the next stage. “Okay, Gen,” he began. “This is Sandy, and she’s going to do your make-up. Richard, you can go with Sam - she wants to alter some of the clothes you picked up, and then get your outfit sorted out. And, uh, Jensen...” Jared glanced at him quickly over his clipboard. “Uh. This afternoon, you’ll be working with me.”
That piece of news sent an uneasy jolt through Jensen. It wasn’t just that he found it strange, but Jared also seemed really uncomfortable. There had to be a reason for that, and it didn’t exactly bode well for the rest of the day.
Jensen went with Jared into a cosy little studio set up with comfortable armchairs and sofas. They sat down while Dave filmed them from the corner. Jensen looked at Jared expectantly and waited for an explanation.
“So, Jensen,” said Jared nervously. “This time just before the party is usually used for the last minute preparations. It’s when we do make-up, for the women, and anything else that needs extra time, like adjusting any of the clothes to make an awesome outfit for the party.”
“Right,” said Jensen, because none of this was news to him.
“But as you probably know, Jensen, what really bothers you isn’t so much the fashion stuff.”
“Right,” Jensen agreed. He didn’t really give a shit about the fashion stuff.
“It’s more that you struggle with social situations.”
“Oh.” Jensen could feel himself flush. “So what? You’re supposed to, like... help me learn how to talk to people?” That was a fucking joke. As far as Jensen could remember, Jared’s idea of a friendly conversation was insulting the other person until they cried.
“Uh, yeah.” At least Jared had the decency to look embarrassed about it. Only a little - Jensen doubted it would be obvious to anyone who didn’t know Jared, but it was to him. “So...” Jared added, “We might start by figuring out exactly what you find difficult when interacting with people.”
“Okay...” said Jensen.
“Yeah, so... imagine it’s the party tonight, and there are people around, and you want to talk to them. What would you talk to them about?”
“Oh, right.” Jensen gave that a moment’s thought. “See... I think my interests are pretty boring to most people. So I’d try to avoid, like, model spaceships and MMORPG’s, but then I don’t pay attention much to things that most people like, such as... uh...stuff.” He tried to think of normal interests, and failed. He tried to block out the little voice that told him he was making himself look like a loser in front of Jared. It was one more day, and then he’d never have to see him again.
“Okay,” said Jared. “That’s... well, something you might try is asking people questions about their lives. Like about their jobs or anything else you know about them. People love to talk about themselves.”
“Sure,” said Jensen a little hesitantly.
“We can try it now. It’s the party, and I’m some person you’re trying to talk to. So you say...?”
Jensen looked around the room for inspiration. It felt stupid asking Jared about his job when he already knew what it was. “So...” he said, “Do you, have, um... a job?”
“Okay,” Jared said after a pause. “That’s a good start. How about, this time, instead of asking if I have a job, you can try, ‘what do you do for a living,’ or, ‘what kind of work do you do,’ or even ‘what do you do all day,’ something like that.”
“Right,” said Jensen. “What do you do... for work?”
Jared nodded encouragingly. “I’m a doctor,” he answered.
“Oh,” said Jensen. God, this was the worst role-playing ever. If Jared’s pretend job was being an orc barbarian, he’d know what to say. “That sounds...” Hard. Boring. Stressful. Sad. “Um... interesting.”
“Right,” said Jared, barely suppressing a sigh. Jensen felt sort of bad, but really, it wasn’t his fault he was no good at this. “Was that what you were going to say at first? That it sounded interesting?”
“Well, no...” said Jensen. He would have stopped there, but Jared nodded as though he wanted Jensen to continue. “I was going to say it would be a hard job.”
“But you changed your mind?”
“Yeah...”
“Why?”
“I just thought it would sound stupid. Like, of course it’s hard. If being a doctor was easy everyone would do it.”
“Hm,” Jared said thoughtfully. “Well, I mean... not that I’m agreeing it would be a stupid thing to say, mind you, but so what if it was?”
“Huh?”
“Really. So what if you said something that was kind of dumb? What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“Uh...” Jensen looked at Jared, trying to figure out if he was being asked a trick question. “They’d think I was a moron?”
“So?”
“So...” Maybe Jared was just dense. “I don’t really want everyone around me to think that I’m an idiot.”
“Well, fair enough.” Jared quirked a faint smile. “But most people aren’t going to decide you’re stupid based on one thing that you say.”
“Really?” Jensen asked doubtfully.
“Not unless they’re a complete jerk.”
Jensen thought about that. He’d heard the same thing before, from his parents and from Danneel, but it was interesting to hear Jared say it. It struck him as profoundly hypocritical. Jared was the one who, in high school, had taken every opportunity to mock every word that came out of Jensen’s mouth, regardless of whether it was stupid or not. He had to realise that he was a big part of the reason why Jensen was so reluctant to talk to new people.
“Why don’t we try it again?” Jared said. “I’m standing at the refreshments table, drinking a martini.”
“Okay. Um. So, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m the most successful porn star in Texas.”
Jensen held in his laughter and tried to recite the words Jared had given him. “Well, um... is that... hard?”
Jared looked back at him, his expression blank but his lips twitching. He managed to hold it together until Jensen started to snicker, and they both collapsed into laughter until their eyes watered.
“That was not fair,” Jensen gasped. “You jerk.”
Jared gave one last chortle and took a deep breath. “Right, sorry. Serious now. Go again.”
“What sort of work do you do?”
“I’m a bank teller.”
“Oh... cool.” Jared looked at him for a moment without saying anything, and Jensen felt like a failure. “Which bank?”
“That’s more like it,” said Jared with a smile.
“I feel like a complete dickhead,” Jensen pointed out. He looked away from Jared, which meant his gaze fell on the camera which he’d managed to forget was in the room. He blushed bright red and looked at the floor. Jared shifted in his chair and drew Jensen’s attention back to him.
“Can you figure out why it is that you’re so worried about what other people think of you?” Jared asked, and Jensen had to try not to laugh at him.
He figured Jared was asking that question because it would look strange if he didn’t, and not because he didn’t know the answer. It had occurred to him already that Jared must not have mentioned knowing Jensen to the studio; he didn’t think they’d have let him come on the show if they knew. There had to be some kind of rule about it. So Jared must be really invested in this pretence that he and Jensen were strangers, and that meant pretending that he had no idea where Jensen’s issues came from. It was starting to piss Jensen off.
“You can say that people don’t care if I say something stupid, and that they’re not just waiting for me to screw up, but I don’t believe you,” he said forcefully. “That’s not how it’s gone for me in the past. People have treated me like shit over one stupid thing I’ve said. Not even that much, sometimes. Sometimes it was just enough that I was there.”
Jared’s expression turned miserable. “That’s horrible,” he said, “And I’m sorry.” Jensen wouldn’t let himself react to the apology. “But I think that... when people treated you like that, what was really going on - probably - was just that they had their own issues. It wasn’t actually anything to do with you, or anything you did. It was just... they were the ones who had a problem, and they took it out on you. It wasn’t your fault.”
That got Jensen to react. He blinked rapidly, because he absolutely refused to cry on camera. “That’s not much comfort to me now,” he rasped.
“I know. But, listen... the party, tonight? No one who comes to it is going to give you a hard time. And if they do, they’re not welcome. We won’t have them here. I took this job to help people, not set them up for bullies to knock down. So I want you to try to put yourself out there, and see that things can be different.”
Jensen nodded reluctantly. “I’m blaming you if it goes wrong,” he joked half heartedly.
“Yeah, fair enough,” Jared replied seriously. “Listen, it’s getting late. Sam’s probably looking for you to get you dressed.”
“Oh, right.” Jensen hadn’t realised how much time had passed. He felt pretty drained, and wished that the day could just be over already.
“Why don’t you go get some coffee first, though,” Jared suggested, and Jensen thought it was the best idea he’d heard all day.
After that, Sam did track him down and herded him off to get dressed and ready for the party. It didn’t take all that long, and then there was nothing to do but wait for the guests to arrive.
“Once it’s time, you’ll come into the room through this door,” she said, showing him where to go. “That way, everyone will be able to see the new you and we can get footage of all their reactions.”
“Sounds awesome,” said Jensen with a complete lack of sincerity.
After a while, he could hear people starting to arrive, and chattering in the other room. Eventually, there was a hush, and Sam came in.
“Okay,” she said, “You first, Richard.”
Richard grinned nervously at them as he headed out the door. It closed behind him, and Jensen could hear quiet for a moment, followed by loud exclamations. It went on for a few minutes, and then Sam said, “Your turn, Gen.”
Jensen waited some more as a similar hum of conversation erupted when Genevieve went through the door. His hands were sweaty and he rubbed them against his pants.
“Don’t do that, you’ll crease them,” said Sam. “Here, use a napkin.”
So Jensen took the napkin and wiped his hands, then shredded the defenceless paper into tiny scraps because it made him feel better. At last, Sam said, “Okay, it’s time for you to go in now,” and Jensen said,
“Oh, God, I can’t do this.”
“For God’s sake. Yes you can.” Sam put a hand to his shoulder and firmly pushed him through the door. “Just go out there, smile, and have fun,” she ordered, and then he was through the door and every single light in the room was shining on him. Every single person was looking at him.
Jensen tried to smile. His face felt strange, as though his expression was a sticker someone had stuck on upside down. He realised that people were talking. They were saying things like ‘Gosh’ and ‘Wow’ and he was pretty sure someone whistled, which nearly made him trip over his own feet. He was sure they had to be talking about someone else... but they were all looking at him.
“Oh, Jensen,” he heard, and then suddenly Donna was there, hugging him and kissing his cheek.
“Hey, Mom,” he answered, feeling sheepish.
“Oh, my baby,” she said, patting his shoulder and straightening his collar. “You look so handsome.”
“You look good, son,” said Alan, standing on his other side.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Hey, Jensen, you don’t look completely horrible.”
“Aw, thanks Mackenzie. It’s not so awful to see you here, either.”
Jensen let his parents and sister hug and fuss over him for a minute or two, and then tried to gently pry them off. Donna pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes.
“Aw, geez, Mom,” Jensen said. “It’s just some clothes and a new hairstyle. I’m still just the same old Jensen.”
“I’m just so happy for you,” she sniffled.
“Oh my God,” he heard a familiar voice say over the general noise in the room. “Can that really be Jensen? Somebody catch me, I feel faint!”
“Shut up, Danneel,” Jensen said, trying to keep the grin from his face. “See if I invite you to my next party.”
“Danneel, doesn’t he look so handsome? My baby boy.”
Danneel looked him up and down, and gave an approving nod. “He sure does,” she said.
Donna whipped out her camera, taking a few photos to send to Jensen’s brother, who hadn’t been able to come to the party. Jensen put up with this for a good ten seconds before sending a pleading glance Danneel’s way. She smirked and stubbornly refused to rescue him. The traitor.
Jensen heard someone standing behind him clear his throat, and turned around to see Jared. “Jensen,” he said, “Can I get you and your guests to come over and answer a few questions about your new look?”
They went over to where Dave’s camera was set up, and Jared asked, “So, are you happy with how this has turned out, Jensen?”
Jensen reflected that it would have taken a lot to make him unhappy, considering his lack of investment in this whole venture, but he knew better than to say that. “Yeah,” he said instead. “It’s awesome. Uh, I feel like a whole new person.”
“Donna, do you like what you see?”
“Oh, Jared, I just can’t believe it’s my Jensen. Thank you!” She reached out and kissed Jared on the cheek. Jared froze and then backed away, blushing deeply. “You’ve turned my son into such a good looking man.”
“Hey!” Jensen protested, but his heart wasn’t in it. Donna was so happy. She’d been happy when he got that promotion at work, but not like this. He didn’t want to spoil it for her.
Eventually they got away from Jared and the cameras, and waiters brought out drinks and finger food. Jensen nibbled on some hors d’oeurves, feeling suddenly hungry.
“Do you feel relieved, now it’s nearly over?” Danneel asked, leaning in to whisper to him.
“Yeah, of course,” said Jensen. “It wasn’t so bad, but I can’t say I’d want to do it again.”
“And Jared? Are things still okay with him?”
Jensen looked over to where Jared was talking to Gen and her family. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he said. He hadn’t managed to talk to Jared like he’d sort of wanted to, and now he probably wasn’t going to get the chance, but he couldn’t worry too much about that. “It doesn’t matter, right? I won’t have to see him again after tonight. I can put it all behind me.” He said it confidently, trying not to think that he’d spent the last ten years trying and failing to put it behind him. That was life. There were some things that couldn’t be fixed, and the only thing to be done was put up with them.
Jensen didn’t really make any effort to, but he found himself circulating and talking to most people at the party. Gen and Richard both came to talk to him and introduced him to their guests. They were all lovely people and Jensen found that he didn’t have to worry about thinking of things to say if he just stood on the edge of the group and listened. No one seemed to mind that he was being quiet.
Near the end of the night, he ran into Jared again, and he asked, “Have you had a good time?”
“Yeah,” Jensen answered honestly. “It’s actually... gone a lot better than I expected.”
“That’s good. Your mom and dad seemed really happy with your makeover.”
“Yeah. Man, I can’t believe my mom. I guess I should be used to her, I mean, you know...” Jensen stammered to a halt. “You... you know what she’s like.”
“Yeah,” said Jared. “I guess I do. I’ve, I’ve missed your parents, actually. It was good to see them again.”
Jensen snorted. “Oh, really? You can’t count on your own parents to show up and embarrass you in the middle of a party?”
“Oh, well.” Jared looked away. “I don’t have contact with them anymore.”
“Oh.” Jensen shifted his weight, feeling awkward. He couldn’t help feeling like he’d stuck his foot in his mouth. He wondered what had happened between Jared and his parents. When he was a kid, he’d never spent much time at Jared’s house. They’d always played outside, where there were things that Jared liked to do, or gone to Jensen’s house, where there were awesome science-y things that Jensen liked to do. At the time, he’d figured that Jared liked being outdoors too much, but as he’d grown older he’d come to realise that Jared’s dad wasn’t exactly fun to be around. When Jared had come out and started to advocate for gay rights in the local media, Jensen had never considered whether that would cause him problems with his parents. Maybe he should have.
Of course, it really wasn’t the time right then to go into it, so Jensen said, “I’m sorry,” and let it go. He wished now that he’d asked all those questions before, when he’d had the chance. But it was too late, and he’d just have to deal with that.
“Thanks,” Jared said, and a moment later he made an excuse and left to talk to someone else.
For the rest of the night, Jensen alternated between avoiding Jared and trying to work up the nerve to talk to him some more. Unfortunately, the night was over before he could manage that, and he wound up collecting his coat and going out to his parents’ car without seeing Jared again.
It was a tight squeeze in the back seat with Mackenzie and Danneel, but they managed. The two girls chatted excitedly about the party and Jensen watched the city lights flash past through the window. He should have been happy; the end of the show should have been a weight lifted from his shoulders, but he just felt empty. He sighed and leaned against the car door. Something in his jacket pocket crinkled, and he reached in to see what it was.
It was a piece of paper, folded into a square and tucked deep into the pocket. Jensen could feel the shape of it but didn’t want to take it out. It was too dark to see it properly and he didn’t want anyone else to notice it. It was probably nothing anyway, just a bit of rubbish that had got put in there by mistake.
He waited until he and Danneel were dropped off at home and he was able to seclude himself in his room before taking it out. It was a lined piece of paper from a notepad, and Jensen’s name was written on it. Jensen’s name in Jared’s handwriting. He stared at it, half expecting that if he looked for long enough, it would vanish like the illusion it had to be.
That didn’t happen, though. Jensen unfolded the note quickly, opening it and wondering what it could say. He sat on his bed clutching the note and started to read.
‘Jensen,
‘I guess it’s pretty cowardly of me to tell you all this in a note, when I owe you an explanation face to face. I don’t think we’re going to get a chance to do that, though, so this is all I can offer.
‘There’s nothing in my life I regret as much as screwing up our friendship. You might not believe that, and I can’t blame you if you don’t, but it’s true.
‘I’ve never had another friend who cared about me like you did, who I could trust as much as I trusted you, who was as smart and funny and kind. Being your friend was one of the best times of my life.
‘I still remember the day you said you liked me. You know what I mean. I’m sorry. It scared the hell out of me because it meant it didn’t matter how hard I worked to be good at sports and act tough. It meant Dad was right about me, and all those things he said were true. So I panicked and I tried to pretend I didn’t feel the same way and I turned on you, and I got everyone else to do the same. I’m sorry. I wish I could change it.
‘You’ve got every right to hate me. You can just throw this away if you want to. But I’m putting my cell number on here, just in case. I think maybe you coming on the show was like a second chance for me, and I’m trying really hard not to mess up second chances when I get them. So you can call me if you want, any time. I’ll do anything I can to make it right.
‘Jared’
Jensen looked down at the bottom of the page to where Jared had neatly printed his cell number, and he wondered what he was supposed to do now.
**************
“It’s not like I even wanted to hear his sob story about how Daddy was mean to him and he’s really, really, sorry. He just dumped it on me without even wondering whether I cared or not.”
“That inconsiderate bastard.”
“But on the other hand... I always wondered if he’d been eaten up with guilt this whole time, and I guess it looks like he was. So it’s kind of like proof that he cares, I guess, and that I am important to him.”
“That’s a good point.”
“But then, it’s pretty arrogant of him to not even consider that I might have moved on. He just assumed that I’d still want to hear what he had to say. Danneel, what should I do?”
“My God, I’m so confused.” Danneel put a hand over her face and collapsed backwards onto the couch.
“He gave me his cell number,” Jensen mused, running his fingers over the figures written on the note. “So he obviously wants me to call him. And I’ve always thought about, well...” He looked up at Danneel, feeling awkward. “I’ve always wondered if we might be able to get past what happened and be friends again. Because he was such a good friend. Until he wasn’t. I’ve never stopped wanting that, and now it might even be possible. So this should be an easy decision. I’m just afraid of getting disappointed or hurt again.”
“I can see how that would make things difficult. Jensen, you don’t owe him a damn thing, so if you decide to go ahead and call him, make sure you’re doing it for you, not for him.”
Jensen thought that over. “You’re right, of course,” he said. “Even if we did both want to try, it would be hard to put everything behind us and start over. If we both tried, though, it might work out.”
“You should give him a call, then,” Danneel suggested, smiling up at him supportively.
“Yeah, maybe I should,” said Jensen, looking across the room to the phone. “But suppose I did,” he went on, “And things weren’t okay? What if it turns out Jared’s still an asshole, and he’s just been pretending for the past week, and by calling him I give him another opportunity to treat me like crap?”
Danneel stood up from the couch with sharp movements. “Okay, Jensen, listen to me,” she said firmly. “I know Jared put you through a lot and I’m not suggesting that you should cut him any slack. But everything else you’re talking about... what if this, and what if that, that’s just a normal part of dealing with people. And you pretty much avoid dealing with people at every turn, so you’ve never had to learn that, but trust me, okay? That’s how it is. Sometimes people suck, and sometimes what the other person wants is different to what you want, and then someone gets hurt. So you can hide in here and wonder what you should do for the next fifty years, but there’s only one way to get the answers to your questions.”
“Okay.” Jensen nodded, thinking over what Danneel had said. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
“I’m not going to call him.”
“Fine.”
“He’s already had one chance to ruin my life, why should I give him another?”
“You shouldn’t.”
“That would be stupid.” Jensen looked down at the note he was holding. “I’m going to go put this... away.”
He walked out of the room, but he could feel Danneel’s gaze on his back, silently judging him for not throwing the note away like a smart person would.
***********
Life went on remarkably unchanged after that. Jensen’s co-workers commented on his new look, but didn’t take that much notice. Two weeks passed and Jensen stopped waiting for lightning to strike, stopped waiting for a new personality to be delivered to match his new appearance. It was like he’d told Jared. He was still the same person, he just looked different.
They’d started playing commercials for Jensen’s episodes of The Ugly Duckling, featuring Katie asking him about bleaching his hair and him being horrified in response. The ads also showed Richard talking about wanting to start dating again after ending his first marriage, and Genevieve talking about how she put so much time into teaching that she felt like she never managed to do anything for herself. Jensen couldn’t help but feel like he was being set up to be the comic relief.
They sat down to watch the first episode. Gen and Richard’s interviews were played, where they talked in more detail about the things that had been mentioned in the commercials. From Jensen’s interview, they’d used the bit where he talked about his mom signing him up for the show, and then the bit where he’d talked about his totally innovative and not at all boring fan design. Only, they’d kept Jared’s first reaction where he looked confused, instead of the enthusiastic one. The rest was a mash of ‘Sometimes it's hard for me to get along with other people’ and ‘Other kids my age didn't really get me. I guess I could be a pretty annoying kid’ and ‘I don’t date much.’ Jensen grimaced at the TV, and Danneel was silent.
There was a short clip of Danneel saying “Jensen’s the best friend I’ve ever had. I’d be a fool to ever let anything mess that up,” while giving Jared a sweet smile. That was quickly followed by “If Jensen ever saw an epilator, he’d probably assume it was a miniature vacuum cleaner or something.”
“Thanks a lot! Some friend you are,” Jensen snapped.
“They cut the whole bit where I talked about how I’d stalk and murder anyone who ever hurt you,” Danneel said, put out. “They’ve got a bunch of hacks running this show.”
“The biggest,” Jensen agreed. He looked back to the TV, where Genevieve was trying to choose a new hair colour. “What’s an epilator?”
***************
The next day’s episode continued in a very similar fashion. There was clip where Richard held up a shirt from his closet and explained that he couldn’t wear it anymore because it reminded him of his ex-wife, but he couldn’t bear to part with it for the same reason.
When the episode moved on to Gen, they saw her go through her own closet saying things like, “Bought this shirt three years ago, this dress five years ago. Here’s a new one, I only bought it this year. Oh, wait, no, it was last year. God, when was the last time I even went shopping for myself?”
And then there was Jensen, stammering like an idiot when asked to describe a normal outfit that he might see in his office, and completely unable to express a preference about his clothes in any way. Watching himself, Jensen was amazed he had the brains to do everyday things like have a job and feed himself. He was coming across like someone who couldn’t be trusted with a butter knife.
Day three, and Richard and Gen’s stories continued to unfold, with Gen gleeful over her new selection of clothes. “When my students see me dressed in something stylish, I bet they’ll all die of shock!” Richard was more contemplative. “I don’t know if I’m ready to start dating again, but I’ve got one less excuse not to now.”
When Jensen appeared on the screen, it was to completely fail to identify different items of clothing or to grouchily declare that he didn’t care which colour shirt he took home. He kind of wanted to stop watching entirely, but he figured it was best to know what they were showing rather than being unaware.
“I guess Jared really hasn’t changed at all,” Danneel mused.
“Jared probably has nothing to do with how it’s all edited together,” Jensen said, just to be fair.
“Yeah, I know,” Danneel admitted. “But this still sucks.”
They sat down to watch the next evening with a feeling of dread. Gen and Richard talked during their segments about what they hoped to be able to do after the show. They played a few clips from Jared and Jensen’s role playing, from ‘do you have a job?’ to ‘I don’t want everyone to think I’m stupid’ to his impassioned speech to Jared about how he didn’t believe that people would excuse his mistakes. Jensen curled up on the couch and covered his face with his hands.
“It’s not so bad, Jensen,” Danneel said encouragingly.
“It is so bad, Danneel,” Jensen argued. “I have to go to work tomorrow, and talk to people about how I have no social skills because when I was a kid, some other kids were mean to me. I should never have done this.”
“It’ll be fine,” Danneel argued, but the phone rang then and she went to answer it. “It’s your mom,” she said, extending the phone to Jensen.
Jensen took the phone reluctantly. “Hey,” he said into the mouthpiece.
“Jensen, oh my God, why did you never tell me about any of this?” Donna exclaimed. She sounded upset. Jensen sighed.
“Mom, come on, it wasn’t even that bad,” Jensen tried. Donna sniffled and he went on, “They’re making it sound way worse than it actually was. You know. TV.”
“I always thought you just didn’t like other people. I had to watch a TV show to find out you were being bullied.”
“I just didn’t want to make you worry about it, Mom, that’s all.”
“Now you listen to me, Jensen Ross Ackles.” Jensen hadn’t lived in his mother’s house for ten years, but that tone of voice could still make him sit up and pay attention. “I am your mother. Worrying about you is my job. Protecting you is my job. It’s not your job to protect me. You’re my son.”
Donna sounded a little choked up, and Jensen’s own throat felt a little tight as he replied. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you, but I should have.”
“Was Jared one of them?” she asked. Jensen didn’t answer, and she sighed. “I would never have signed you up for this if I’d known. Next time I see him, I’m going to stick my foot right up...”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Jensen said, finding to his surprise that he meant it. “Work is going to suck tomorrow, but I don’t think that’s Jared’s fault.”
“I’m sorry this didn’t turn out better for you.”
“It’s no big deal.”
After Jensen had hung up the phone, he turned to Danneel and said, “Do you think it will look suspicious if I call in sick tomorrow?”
***********
“There was a group hug,” Jensen growled as he walked through the door the next evening. “I had to tell Pete that I was allergic to the fibre in his sweater to get away. Milo from accounting told me all about how the kids at his middle school forced him to eat sand. Our lunch hour was practically a group therapy session.”
“So it wasn’t as bad as you thought?” Danneel asked.
Jensen scowled. “Everyone kept talking to me,” he said. “And touching me. And I think they all expected me to cry.”
“It could have been worse.”
“Being an inspiration for the bullied masses isn’t exactly my lifelong dream.” Jensen shrugged out of his jacket and slumped down at the table.
“Come on, Jensen, isn’t it nice to know you’re not alone? Those people have all been through similar things. They know how you feel. They want to be there for you.”
Jensen shrugged, looking down at his hands. “I guess,” he admitted. “It was nice to have people there who listened.”
“Well there you go, then. I found something interesting today, too.”
“What?”
“A news article. I emailed you the link.”
Jensen booted up his computer and found the email Danneel was referring to. The article was headlined ‘Reality TV Host to Leave Makeover Show’.
‘Jared Padalecki, host of the successful TTL reality show The Ugly Duckling, has announced that he will not be renewing his contract for the upcoming season. TTL could not be reached for comment on this surprising turn of events. We asked Padalecki about his sudden decision, and he said “It’s really important to know when it’s time to make a change, and for me that time has come.”
‘Padalecki said he did not have concrete plans for his next career move, but did say, “There are a lot of opportunities out there, and I’m very excited to see what’s around the corner for me next.”
‘The Ugly Duckling will run for two more weeks before the current season ends. TTL have not yet announced whether they will continue the show with a different host.’
“He quit?” said Jensen in shock. “Why did he quit?”
“You read the same article I did, right?” Danneel asked, following him into the study.
“But that doesn’t say anything. It’s all this ‘time for change’ bullshit. That could mean anything.”
“It is pretty vague,” Danneel agreed.
“What if...” Jensen began, and then trailed off, shaking his head.
“What if what?”
“Nothing. It’s stupid.”
“I’m sure it isn’t.”
Jensen looked at her, thinking hard. “Do you think it could be because of me?” he wondered. “I mean, it’s probably not. It’s probably incredibly self-centred of me to even consider it.”
“I don’t think you’re being self-centred,” Danneel said. “That could be it. We don’t know.”
“Yeah. We don’t.”
“You could find out, though,” Danneel suggested. “You’ve still got his phone number.”
Jensen thought about that, but put off making the decision. “Come on. If we’re going to get dinner made before the show comes on, we have to start now.”
They sat down in front of the TV with lamb chops and ate their meal as clips played from the party night. There was lots of gushing from different people over the dramatically changed appearances of Jensen, Richard and Gen. Every person who attended must have been interviewed, because there were lots of people talking about how much their friend or relative had changed. There was one clip of Mackenzie saying “Before this, Jensen’s idea of dressing up was brushing his hair,” which made Jensen snort.
“That’s so untrue!” he protested. “I always kept my hair neat.”
“That’s right,” Danneel agreed. “You had the neatest hair this side of the fifties.”
“Somehow, I think you’re making fun of me,” Jensen grumbled, but he didn’t really care.
Jared had been interviewed too, to predict how things would turn out for each of them. “It’s really tough to pick yourself up and get out there again after ending a serious relationship,” he said. “I think Richard’s very self aware, though, and won’t do anything he’s not ready for.”
About Genevieve, he said, “I hope we’ve helped her realise that it’s okay to spend a little time on yourself once in a while. It’s really admirable to give so much of yourself to others, but that can only last as long as you take care of yourself.”
Finally, they must have asked him about Jensen. Jensen braced himself. “I think the hardest part for Jensen is still to come. We can try to give people the confidence to be more open around others, but it’s still very hard to do that when your past experiences haven’t been so great. I hope that Jensen gives the people around him a chance, and that he realises that they’re better than maybe he assumes they are.” Jared looked right at the camera, and Jensen would have described his expression as troubled. “It’s so rewarding to do this job and be able to help people with it, but sometimes I worry that I’m setting them up just for other people to knock down.”
There were a few more minutes left of the episode, but Jensen paid little attention to them, being too busy thinking over what Jared had said.
“Jensen?” Danneel asked him some time later, and he realised that CSI was on and he had apparently been sitting in a fugue for thirty minutes.
“I need the phone,” he said abruptly. Danneel held out her arm, and Jensen realised she was clutching the phone. He gave her a suspicious look, but she just raised her eyebrows and waggled the phone at him.
“I have to go,” he said, taking the phone from her grip. “Me and the phone have to go to my room now.”
“Say hi to Jared for me,” Danneel called cheekily.
Jensen entered the phone number nervously. As he waited for it to dial a horrible thought occurred to him. What if Jared’s phone was one the network had given him and they’d taken it back because he was quitting? He waited anxiously as it rang and rang, until he finally heard the click of it being answered.
“Jared speaking.”
It took a second for Jensen to be able to speak. “Hey. Jared? Um, hi. This is Jensen.”
**************
A few months later, Jared Padalecki featured in another article, headlined: ‘Padalecki to host new reality show’.
‘Reality TV host Jared Padalecki was recently confirmed as the creator and host of an upcoming IGTV reality series,
‘The show will be titled Young Champions and will film the lives of ordinary young people who do extraordinary things.
‘Padalecki said, “In our society, we recognise only certain types of achievement, and only certain types of achievers. I hope to be able to use Young Champions to show that we’re all capable of amazing things, and that we all deserve recognition for them. I want to explore the idea that, sure, kids are out there playing sports and auditioning for American Idol or whatever, and that’s great, but at the same time, there are kids out there learning to build things, or make art, and even just doing little things to help the people around them, and that’s worth celebrating too.”
‘Young Champions will accept applications from young people aged 16 to 25, and will follow a relatively casual format.
‘“I don’t want to be too constrained by the structure of the show,” Padalecki said. “I don’t want this to be a heavily edited show which forces its participants into narrow stereotypes. My goal is to overcome that type of thinking. To show that it doesn’t matter if you’re different to other people, you can still be a good and talented person.”
'Young Champions is set to start filming in August, and applications can be submitted through the network website.’
Jared read the article, and smiled, and put the newspaper away before going to read more applications. He had a lot of work to do.
Jensen read the article, and smiled, and cut it out to keep, so he could show it to Jared whenever he forgot that someone could make mistakes, and still be a good and talented person.
The following year, when Young Champions was nominated for an Emmy, Jensen agreed to attend the ceremony as Jared’s plus one.
He declined the stylist appointment.
Jared didn’t care.