pessimism wins out again.
expect the worst, &youll never be surprised when thats what you get.//

no news is good news.

wait.... thats horrible news, actually.
ihave no idea whats going on.

still.//

pessimism getting the best of me.
starting to fret after less than a day, afraid ive already fucked something up.

why is it that when girls say we need to talk, we neve end up doing that much talking?
not that im complaining about what was done instead,
but this serious conversation still needs to take place.

seriously.//

okay, so maybe we didnt really talk about it.
but talk is cheap
(and so am i)

we can talk in the morning.//

so im pretty stocked up on pop rocks.

you know.
just in case.//

movie, party,
still no progress, but the pressure's still on.

tomorrow:
clenched teeth & veiled expressions at magic mountain

wore shorts to work and got made fun of.
got to me so much i went straight home& changed.

getting a lot of pressure to do something about all this.
regretting having done nothing.
angry with myself for realizing i probably never will.//
(too scared to take a chance, im such a little bitch)

spent the entire day with a girl,
and it snapped me right out of my shitty mood.//

spent the past 24 hours feeling completely bummed out, & i still dont know why.
friends came over tonight, and i spent most of the time silent, feeling shitty.
i hate myself sometimes.