I'm going insane. I mean, I literally feel like I'm going insane. I need to talk. I want to talk. Not talking is making me crazy. But I can't talk. I have to wait. And I'm waiting. I'm trying to be patient. But it's so difficult when I have all these questions and all these things I want to say. I have the feeling that when I finally do get a ( Read more... )

This is going to be very hard. I know that. I know there will be times where I'll feel like I can't handle it. But right now I think it's worth it. I don't want to give up on someone I love. I want to be there to help him through things. And I hope he wants to be there for me too. I just need time to get used to this situation. It's so strange ( Read more... )

I spent this morning throwing up. Blood and bile was all that came out. I feel hollow. I can't stop shaking. Nothing feels real. I've never hated myself so much. Which is the exact opposite of what I need to be feeling. My whole world has been turned upside down. My sense of reality, stability, everything. I hate myself for wishing it was all a ( Read more... )

So in a certain respect, things suck. I'm a weepy ball of messed up hormones no thanks to this ridiculous birth control... mix in a little paranoia and the whole thing just sucks ( Read more... )

I can't sleep alone. I'm not proud of it. But if I try, I wind up laying in bed shaking, heart racing, crying. I hyperventilate. I sweat. Nothing helps. Nothing stops the pure, unstoppable panic. It is HELL ( Read more... )

Today hasn't exactly begun on a high note. There are a number of things I need to get done today, most of which involve having access to an automobile. Considering that I'm an idiot and forgot I didn't drive to my boyfriend's house and that he's at work until 9pm, I'm a bit screwed. I find myself harassing friends by calling them multiple times ( Read more... )

It occurred to me that I haven't really posted anything that wasn't overflowing with angst in quite a while. So I decided a good ramble was long overdue ( Read more... )

I kind of hate myself for being so mad right now. But I am. Really really mad.

I hate my father. I mean there's no way around it. Even when he's being nice, he's a total asshole. Life would be so much better if I never had to see him, ever. And my mother never supports me. Even when he's yelling in my ear for no good reason and making me cry because he's bored. She never supports me. God forbid I come to her when I'm down, ( Read more... )

Day three in a row at the gym. Ow ow ow owwie ow. My legs feel like they've been run over by a steamroller.