it is mind your anders if you are interested, guys.

[david_anders]

Jason called promptly at seven o'clock. I didn't even have to look at the clock to verify this, because this is the time my mom traditionally rolls everyone out of bed on Thanksgiving; her philosophy is that if she has to be awake to cook, everyone else has to be awake to keep her company. Everyone hates this tradition, but none of us exactly

Comments

[norazehetner]

so did she forgive you?

[david_anders]

she's tolerating me. if i don't show up for christmas, she may disown me.

[norazehetner]

i guess you better hope they don't make you kill another turkey.

[david_anders]

after that year, we've used frozen turkeys all the way. turkey isn't what you have to worry about at christmas, anyway. it's the eggnog and the inevitable drunken brawl in the yard.

[rachelmcadams]

I imagine if you'd slaughtered that turkey you would have been thoroughly traumatized and never ate turkey again! Let's dance to Judy Garland.

[david_anders]

Instead, I didn't and made myself a mockery to all my family members, but at least I didn't have to commit homocide. Which song? Why does it have to be Judy Garland?

[rachelmcadams]

Because I'm listening to Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, so that one.

[david_anders]

The sad Christmas songs. Why are you doing this to me? Can't it be something perky like Smack My Bitch Up?

[leung_k]

I was talking to someone about killing chickens, I don't think it was you, but I suppose I shouldn't repeat it here because it's too grotesque. Sisters are always the best, aren't they?

[david_anders]

That wasn't me. And please don't, because it's pretty possible that I'll get sick and report you to ASPCA just for talking about it. They are the best. When I was younger, she used to torture me, but what do you do.

[leung_k]

Alright, I'll try to keep that anecdote to myself because I don't want to go to jail! Sisters torture out of love. Brothers torture out of... I don't know, you tell me.

[david_anders]

But she doesn't do it anymore, these days. She's probably my best friend, to be honest with you. Brothers are just mean like that. But I never tortured my sister, just my other brothers.

[mventimiglia]

beer and pizza my ass!

[david_anders]

there actually was beer and pizza, i just didn't write about that part because it wasn't interesting.

[mventimiglia]

true, i would rather have heard about bloody turkeys. but not the ensuing turkey sandwich you had.

[david_anders]

there were no bloody turkeys. i saved it, remember. there was no turkey sandwich, but thank you for making me nauseated by describing it that way.

[evlongoria]

An ice cold bucket of water to the face sounds like the worst thing in the world. I can't say that I wouldnt wet myself or kick my own mother if she did that to me.

[david_anders]

It was the worst thing in the world! I mean, she probably could have procured a bullhorn from somewhere and blown that in my ear, but ice water was readily available, I guess. At least it was better than my dad. If I wouldn't wake up, she would call him in there and he would pick up my mattress and flip me off the bed.

[evlongoria]

Oh my goodness if I had parents like those I would never sleep. My mother would just flick the lights, turn up the radio, or throw all the covers on the floor but then again I never did get out of bed. I guess thats the way to go but I'm surprised you just jump out of bed in the morning terrified that someone is going to get you.

[david_anders]

Or you would get a really, really, really good lock for your door. The radio thing never worked. And the lights, that's laughable. I wouldn't even wake up. Now that I live by myself, I swear, I have nightmares that will wake me up regularly, just of my mother pouring water on my head.