I feel like I can't go on. Life is just too difficult. As badly as I've been treated in the past few years, it's amazing that I made it this far. I wish I could just die, but God won't let me. Why won't He let me? Why must I continue to suffer and fight my battles alone? Why did I have to keep going from one bad relationship to another, and finally ( Read more... )

I really don't know anymore. Things just keep getting worse in my life, and I feel like there isn't anything I can do about it. Friends come and go; in fact, I really don't remember the last time I hung out with friends and had actual fun and actual "friend time." Do you know what I mean? Those times where I feel carefree and just happy. I try to ( Read more... )

This weekend totally sucked! I went out to run errands Saturday afternoon, and i tripped over this stupid ad thing in front of Lowe's and flew through the air and ended up skidding across the sidewalk. I messed up 3 of my fingers, my arms, and my knee. It really hurt bad. And the worst thing is: Nobody even bothered to come to my aid or ask me if I ( Read more... )

Blah... I feel so crappy right now. I feel kind of sick to tell you the truth, although I'm not. I'm just sleep deprived is all... because Wed. night I went and met this guy who's been displaced because of the hurricanes and I stayed the night there, couldn't sleep bc he smoked and cigarette smoke and sleeping just don't mix in my world. I didn't ( Read more... )

My life is so sucking right now. I wish I was back in Tampa, back where I belong. I can't wait until these two and a half months are over with and I never have to look at this stupid town, campus, or anything ever again. It will be awesome. In the meantime, I'm stuck. And I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it or not ( Read more... )

Day two has come and gone. I can feel the strength returning in my fingers. The finger dexterity, however, needs some work. I'm still a little shaky. But it will come back. I can feel it this time. I can feel the music in my soul waiting to be unleashed, and when it is it will explode, for it has been locked away for so long, buried underneath the ( Read more... )

Disclosure Statement: The entries herinafter listed as "Day X" are intended to be read by anyone, but are of more use to me to keep track of the amount of time that has passed since I began playing piano again ( Read more... )

I was told tonight by someone that the people in this town and the town in general aren't the problem... I am. LoL. That's classic. I'll have to remember that next summer while I'm laughing my ass off on my way out of this town back down to Tampa for good ( Read more... )

Well, I feel ugly and rejected tonight. I need to just stay out of the gay.com chatrooms. Then I won't be treated so badly.

So yeah I got back with asshole again.... you'd think I'd learn, but I don't. I get lonely and desperate and know he'll get back with me so I go over there and take his abuses. I'm so tired of it. Why can't I just get over it. I wish that I could.... please God let me get over it. Maybe since he tried to get physical this time I can focus on that ( Read more... )