Wish I was Australian :(

Most uncomfortable. Woe.

Went to beach with B. and K. Sand everywhere. Can't swim so sat and watched. They were wet. It was totally hot.

Caught Keats looking at my Georgie. Overcome with rage. No forks to hand, so punched him in the face. Totally wasn't just an excuse to touch him. Pretended not to hear comments about own behind.

Abodiginie ( Read more... )

Went swimming with Abodiginny. He wouldn't swim. What's the fucking point? Twat. Tried to drown him. Failed, but soundly beat the fucker. Not an entirely wasted afternoon. Also got to see Percy throw a punch, which was the funniest fucking thing I have ever seen. Still laughing.

Haha. Hahahaha. Ha. Hahaha.

Byron agreed to go out for a surf to ride some waves and settle our differences. Don't think he quite gets it, though. Kept diving off the board and I was like: "Byron, that's not how you surf. You're supposed to stand on the board." He just called me a twat, and said if I didn't want to get wet, why did I come out? Then he beat me up. But I let ( Read more... )

Dear Turdsworth,

Herein is one of those new-fangled " new wave romantic" RAP jobbies. From yours truly, esq.

(One moment while I find my burberry shirt and shiny white spats.)

*insert beatbox sound here* <-- Percy does it well ( Read more... )

Fucking hate gnomes.

Lambface, what's all this about you killing my baby?

HATE!

Thighs are catching. I know it. They are. Aren't they? You can catch thigh, yes? I think I caught thigh. I mean, I think I caught fat thigh. Is that a disease? If it is, then I think I caught it.

Am going to turn into elephant.

Will simply have to kill self now.

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Epic week. Trawled round some church monkery abbey or other and wrote a couple of million lines which look like they're about it but are actually just about ME. Because I'm THAT DAMN GOOD. Yeah.

Oh! Oh! Look!


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