"I've been belittled to this..."

[dear_emily]

...is what I was thinking when I was breaking apart the leafs of lettuce to eat. And now as I eat them, I feel so much better than if I had eaten number ten from McDonald's...which I was SO close to doing. But I resisted. And so I sit here eating my lettuce pieces and drink my diet Snapple peach iced tea. So far today I've had about 300 calories,

Comments

[anonymous]

I hear you on the feeling happy thing. I experience the same feeling when I manage to refrain from eating a full meal once in a while (I try to do this at least three times a week ; instead of binging on pasta, which would happen if I went to eat at the college cafeteria, I eat fruit, it's good, refreshing, and gives me the sensation of a very full stomach). And this, coupled with light exercise, like long walks outside or bicycling, makes me feel rather proud of myself, because it's a way for me to show (myself) that I can fight and eventually suppress the urge to eat anything that comes into view. I feel powerful when I do so, and I'm without any doubt much nicer to be around -usually I'm depressed and grumpy ; when I've skipped a meal I'm depressed but somewhat...meeker, I can't think of a better word right now

[dear_emily]

Yeah...I know what you're sayin'. Quirks make the better person. I've found happiness there, but I think I will always have this weight struggle. There is no way in hell I could ever look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. It's disgusting, revolting, absolutely unacceptable. I want to be thin. I have to be thin. That's who I am.