girl is moving in july or august. this sucks. at the same time, i cannot wait. she's brilliant and beautiful, but so high-maintenance and co-dependent. i suppose that's what i get for choosing to be in a relationship that is the total opposite of my ex-wife. speaking of, i really miss her. but that's another entry altogether. current flames first ( Read more... )

i feel like everyone roots for the underdog, but nobody seems to think i am one. and that feels pretty demeaning on a macro level and yet simultaneously flattering and unfathomable. i think my entire existence, my thing that i always deal with, is that people assume that what i'm saying is coming from a place of condescension or superiority when in ( Read more... )

i wanted to say something about codependence. i think i'm finally realizing the extent of my fuck-upedness ( Read more... )

i keep thinking that there's something to this. there's some reasoning for this endless toil and shame. some goal to be attained or prize won for being the best slave to the system. i keep putting faith in shit and waking up. endless cycles ( Read more... )

things have never been more. simultaneously fucked up and blissful, all the while completely mundane and ordinary. if this is the collapsing of all time, then so be it. the intensity can rattle a few more shaking breaths out of me before the chrysalis implodes with the silence that will follow my last heartbeat ( Read more... )

I'm not dead. I'm just happy. 

Two nights in a row, I've had the same dream. I guess it's not exactly the same, but the setting and impressions are. More like a continuance. And even more than a dream, I realize this is of my sober mind finally getting around to dealing with the issues Rachel has left me with. I fucking hope tomorrow night doesn't lead me there again. I really ( Read more... )

I don't even know where to put these words.

I need to unload a ton of bullshit relating to certain people I know and how they've let me down and still simultaneously awakened my inner fire. I don't know why it won't come out. I don't even know why I need to let it out.

I realize that if I let this shit out, it's just gonna make me look like some ( Read more... )

i tried to put the pieces into focus, but with all this light there's not much use. try it if you like. sometimes i think my eyes aren't even open. maybe you're not blind to living proof.

it takes a while to mend the kind of wound that never seeks the surface, buried deep within silhouette. left to contend with the irony of memory's sole purpose; to ( Read more... )

when i wake up

and you're all dressed up

it makes me wonder what is left to say

in a daze

and you're all made up

in your make up

and heels just made to walk away

so sway

don't turn back time

cause the missives of the past won't read the lines

in our lives

so just stitch another silver star and fly

and away from me

and i know you

but i don't know you

so tell me ( Read more... )