People are always so ready to think the worst of me and I can't take it anymore. It hurts so much. I just wonder, if people are so convinced that I'm a horrible person, why do they talk to me and pretend to be my friend? God, I just don't even have the energy to explain what triggered this but I'm sick of being misunderstood. I hate it here and I ( Read more... )

I think I'm going insane. It has been years since I have had any regular, steady alone time that I can count on. I mean, for example, guaranteed every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I am going to be alone in my apartment for 10 hours straight. I gripe about this all the time, but that's because it's really important that I have it or I turn into a ( Read more... )

I have had a headache since June second, the first day of my week of steroid infusions. At first I thought it was due to the steroids, but it's been two weeks since the infusions ended and I still have the headache. It's the strangest headache I've ever had, almost like throbbing pressure across the top of my head and down to my temples. Sometimes ( Read more... )

Oh my God I don't relate to anyone. I feel like a complete alien, like I don't belong in this world at all...and I don't mean that in an angsty, teenaged, melodramatic way. I mean, I don't see the meaning and purpose of life as being a mortgage, kids, a dog, a job that I hate but "I gotta do what I gotta do because that's life derpa derp" Forget ( Read more... )

Sometimes when I'm looking through my facebook feed I feel like a complete alien. Soooo many of the people I have added have babies and small children, and they feel the need to constantly post pictures or updates about taking care of them in some way. I feel like the only person in the world with no desire to breed ( Read more... )

Well, I feel a little better after having gotten some things off my chest. And being able to get things out in written form means I'm a heck of a lot closer to acceptance. I had a moment of clear realization, where I could see someone's idea of how that day was supposed to work out, and then I felt a twinge of regret. And then I felt sick for being ( Read more... )

I am so irritated and sick of everything right now. I'm sick of the internet connection in this house always kicking me off when I'm on my laptop. I'm sick of being stressed about every little thing. I'm sick of being sick. I just want to go back to when I was normal, when life was normal. I thought this was a blessing in disguise and it was, but I ( Read more... )

I went to Katrina and Dave's tabletop game party today and I actually had a really good time. It's nice to be reminded that I have friends and can behave socially upon occasion. Of course their friend Jesse who reminds me of a weird combination of Gerard, Mikey, and Brandon was there, but I was remarkably not awkward, so that is a fantastic sign. I ( Read more... )

Oh bother.

lol

I'm a giant ball of post-traumatic stress right now. I think I should start seeing a psychologist, but I don't really know where to start.