"Enigma (6/16)" - Hobbs/Raydor Fic
Title: Enigma (6/16)
Co-author: sharon_ray
Pairing: Hobbs/Raydor
Rating: T
Word Count: 4, 718
Disclaimer: Not our characters or television show
Summary: Sharon and Andrea's relationship has been balanced on the precipice of friendship and something more for longer than either of them care to admit. Will the ever-present danger of their jobs finally push them over that fine line? Or will it pull them apart?
A/N: Fic starts out in season seven of The Closer, and follows the events (we've taken some liberties of course) of Major Crimes. This fic is complete and chapters will be posted on a weekly basis. On ff.net: Enigma.
Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5,
(graphic made by me with my own screencaps and those taken with permission from MajorCrimesTV.net. Please do not take or re-post.)
The promotion to Major Crimes came with a whole host of mixed emotions for Sharon. While she was happy to have a promotion for the first time in years, she was sad to see Brenda Leigh Johnson go the way she had. She knew that the stress of losing her mother and going after Stroh again legally had gotten to Brenda, but she didn’t realize quite how badly it had affected the younger woman. She had grown to care for the police chief in a way. She couldn’t deny that watching Brenda beat Phillip Stroh as the elevator doors closed, knowing she couldn’t get to her to stop it; or to protect Brenda, like she had grown so accustomed to doing recently had made her feel useless. Those few panicked moments that Brenda was locked in the elevator with Stroh sparked a sense of helplessness in Sharon that she loathed feeling.
The images of Brenda Leigh covered in Phillip Stroh’s blood, and the devastation present in Brenda Leigh’s eyes as realization of what she had done flooded her body that day, seemed to play in a continuous, torturous loop in Sharon’s head. She sat at her desk, head in her hands, as she wondered how the hell she was going to pull this new job off. The Major Crimes team loved Brenda Leigh Johnson; there was no way Sharon could follow in those tiny little footsteps of hers, nor did she want to, really. She didn’t want to be Brenda’s replacement, she just wanted to come to work, be respected by her fellow officers, and get the job done. Her official transfer was to take place in three weeks. She had three weeks to figure out how she was going to earn the respect and the trust of the men she had spent the last several months investigating as potential leaks.
The knock at her door startled her, but the woman standing in the doorway to her office startled her even more.
“I hear congratulations are in order?” Andrea asked, a careful smile crossed her lips. She’d been avoiding Sharon since she found out about her promotion, but the sentimental part of her mind had finally persuaded her to pluck up the courage to come by and congratulate her. She could almost pretend that she was doing it out of professional courtesy. Almost.
“Oh, uh, something like that,” Sharon did her best to smile back as Andrea walked into her office, uninvited. “Nice of you to stop by finally. I guess you never found time for that dinner,” she muttered under her breath. The sight of Andrea made Sharon surprisingly angry.
Andrea froze. She was about to take a seat opposite Sharon at her desk, but now she was considering that coming by had been a total mistake. “Do you really want to go there Sharon?” she said quietly as she palmed the back of the chair, unsure now of whether to sit or to turn around and leave.
“I meant it when I said that my friendship with you was important,” Sharon said seriously as she watched Andrea. She motioned for Andrea to sit down; she didn’t know when she’d have the opportunity to speak to her again. She was going to take the chance while she had it.
Andrea nodded and took a seat across the desk from her, she also wanted to take advantage of the fact that they had an opportunity right in front of them to try and mend things. “I needed some time to figure this out, okay? I did tell you that. I certainly don’t appreciate you coming at me with that tone and that remark especially after what the hell has happened,” she said dangerously.
Sharon wrung her hands nervously. “You’re right, I am sorry. That was uncalled for and completely rude of me. It’s just….it’s been a long day. There has been so much change in my life lately and I don’t really know if I am coming or going at this point, I feel unsettled and I hate it,” she admitted quietly.
Andrea had always been a safe place for her and seeing her again, outside of a strictly professional setting, had set something off in Sharon. She couldn’t pretend that she was fine and perfectly put together; and she certainly hadn’t meant to confess to Andrea anything even slightly emotional, but it all slipped out before she could stop herself.
“I’m sorry Andrea, I know that I haven’t been a good friend lately. You have every right to be impatient with me and not even want to see me. But I do miss you,” Sharon sighed; she took a moment to collect herself before continuing. “Just, could we not be such strangers when we see each other at work at least? I understand that maybe it’ll be awhile before we’re having drinks and dinner again, but, when we do see each other around here, do we have to be so cold? Could we please compromise at least on that?”
Andrea regarded her counterpart carefully before she shook her head, “No. No we don’t have to be cold. We can be friendly at work.” Andrea leaned back in the chair and unbuttoned her jacket, trying in vain to find a position that was comfortable for her while in Sharon’s presence. “So, tell me about this promotion? I saw Chief Johnson yesterday. She wasn’t in good shape, she knows it’s time to leave I think, but I think saying goodbye has been hard for her. We’re working things out with my office to offer her as smooth a transition as possible. I think that eventually, she’s going to be alright.”
“That’s good, I’m glad that your office is taking her and Detective Gabriel in. They’re both wonderful officers and they’ll be fabulous additions to your office,” Sharon said. “As far as the promotion goes, no one knows yet but us, your boss, Chief Pope and Chief Taylor.”
Andrea’s eyes widened. “The rest of the Major Crimes division doesn’t know yet? Who do they think is going to run things with Chief Johnson gone?”
“Lt. Provenza is taking charge for the next few weeks while I train my replacement in IA.”
“Can you imagine the fit he’s going to throw when he finds out his being in charge isn’t permanent?” Andrea chuckled darkly, as she contemplated the scene in her head.
Sharon stared mournfully at the desk, obviously not finding it as funny. “I know, it’s going to be a nightmare, but Chief Taylor assures me he will take care of it... appropriately.”
Andrea looked at her sympathetically. “Well, let’s hope that Taylor knows what the hell he’s doing. Or that he at least has your back when the shit hits the fan and Provenza throws his fit.”
Sharon laughed. “Oh god you’re right, this is going to be a mess,” she murmured, “why the hell did I agree to this Andrea?”
“If anyone can do it, it’s you, Sharon,” she smiled up at her, “Besides, this is your chance to finally put Lt. Provenza in his place for back talking you for years... and Lt. Flynn for, well, for being Lt. Flynn; an eternal pain in the ass. You’re going to be just fine,” Andrea assured her.
For a moment, it almost seemed as though conversation was going to flow naturally between them like it had so many times before.
“Flynn isn’t that bad. Not anymore, actually; apart from Tao, he’s probably been the most helpful in recent days with all that’s happened,” Sharon said.
Andrea quirked her brow knowingly. “Just wait until you lay down the law. Don’t be surprised if they give you some resistance, but like I said, you’re the best officer for the job,” Andrea said, smiling. “In fac-” Her cell phone started ringing, effectively cutting her off. She fished the phone out of her briefcase and sighed when she saw the caller ID.
“Hot date?” Sharon teased; that was what she always said whenever Andrea got a phone call. It had been a normal, anticipated joke between them for ages; naturalized to the point of almost being a reflex. This time however, she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth.
“Ah, uh, no,” Andrea said awkwardly. Any sense of warmth that had slowly started to build between them had been quickly doused. “Excuse me,” she said as she answered the call. “Hi, yes. No I haven’t left yet. Yes, that’s fine. I’ll pick it up on the way home. Bye.”
“That was silly of me to ask, I-”
“Brian is in town for the week,” she said, mentioning her brother by name as Sharon had met him on several occasions. “He’s staying with me again and just wanted to know what we were doing about dinner,” she made it clear that she didn’t want to acknowledge Sharon’s slip-up. “Speaking of which, I should get going. He’s in the mood for take-out and I’d rather pick up the food before the place gets busy,” Andrea said as she gathered her briefcase and stood.
“Well, let me walk you out, then,” Sharon smiled, determined not to let Andrea leave on bad terms this time. She pushed herself back from her desk and stood, walking quickly to open her office door wider so she and Andrea could get through it; Andrea had pulled it practically closed when she’d entered earlier.
“Do you have anything fun planned with Brian? Send him my regards, will you?” There was a hint of regret in Sharon’s voice; she knew she wouldn’t be seeing Brian this time around, which saddened her, she had always gotten along very well with Andrea’s brother. How many relationships had their little tryst cost her? How many more would it cost her?
“Yes, I’ll let him know you said hi,” Andrea said stiffly.
Sharon opened the door wider and leaned against it, Andrea stood with her back flush against the doorframe opposite her. It was late, everyone else in Sharon’s department had already gone home for the evening; they were completely alone for the first time in weeks. Sharon licked her lips nervously, and Andrea couldn’t help but stare at the older woman’s mouth; this habit of hers had always driven Andrea crazy; now it was just downright torturous.
“Well, I don’t want to keep you from Brian. Thank you for stopping by, Andrea, really. It was good to see you, and thank you for...your patience and just, well everything,” Sharon said genuinely, albeit a little awkwardly, hoping she could turn things around before Andrea left.
“It was good to see you, too, Sharon,” Andrea said softly, unsure of how to tell her goodbye appropriately.
Sharon smiled at Andrea, the gesture causing her laugh lines to stand out proudly, highlighting the birthmark on her cheek. Andrea couldn’t help herself, she leaned forward and kissed that little mark, the one that Sharon tried in vain to cover with cosmetics, the one that Andrea had secretly adored so very much for so very long. It was both pure bliss and pure agony to feel Sharon’s skin beneath her lips again; she kept her kiss brief, gentle, hoping that it would come off as friendly. But as Andrea pulled away, she felt Sharon lean into her personal space, and nuzzle her neck. She couldn’t help it, being near Sharon like this again was overwhelming; Andrea wanted to grab her, kiss her, hold her and never let her go, but she settled for wrapping one arm around her shoulders, and kissing the top of her head.
Sharon sighed against Andrea’s neck, her whole body tingled delightfully from being this close to Andrea again.
“Sharon,” Andrea sighed, “I have to go home.”
Sharon pushed away slowly from Andrea’s embrace and back up against her door again, face flushed in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, that was wrong of me...” she muttered as she pushed herself as far into the doorframe as she could, trying to create at least the illusion of space between her and Andrea.
“Um, it’s fine,” Andrea said awkwardly; she blushed fiercely. Reaching out, she patted Sharon’s arm, hoping that the gesture would make their embrace seem less….torrid than it had actually been. She sighed regretfully, stepping out of the doorway and into the hallway to give them both some space.
Sharon awkwardly stuffed her hands into the pockets of her blazer. “You should get home. Brian gets cranky when he’s hungry, I remember,” she said, she was smiling but Andrea knew her well enough to know that it was a forced smile.
Andrea nodded and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “Yeah. Well, goodnight,” she managed to mutter before she turned on her heels, trying to get away from Sharon as quickly as she possibly could.
She didn’t bother to wait for the elevator; she opted for the stairs. She didn’t know what to do with Sharon anymore, every move was the wrong one, and it seemed like every time they started to regain their friendship, one of them slipped up irreparably. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she let out a quiet sigh of relief.
***
Andrea shuffled through her front door, balancing her briefcase, jacket, and two bags of take out in her hands. “Will you take these, please?” she called out to her younger brother as she held the bags of food in front of her.
A well kept man with blonde hair appeared from the hallway, clad in a pair of dark jeans and an untucked navy blue button down shirt. His hair was cut short and his face shaved clean, and he had the same stunning bone structure and striking blue eyes as Andrea.
Brian kissed her roughly on the forehead and grabbed the bags, heading toward the kitchen before she could get a proper hello out. “Good day at work?” he called to her from the other room as he grabbed placemats and plates.
“Not really,” she muttered back half-heartedly, slipping out of her high heels and untucking her blouse. Normally she was comforted by her younger brother’s laidback presence, but tonight it just made her more on edge. She wasn’t in the mood for questions or small talk; she didn’t want to talk about her day, and she certainly hoped Sharon didn’t come up. Still, she knew at the back of her mind that she probably would. He had already asked about Sharon’s obvious absence once since he had arrived. Now that he’d been here for three days and there was still no sign of the Captain, she was sure to come up again.
“Not really? I thought you were closing a big case today, Andy. What happened?” he questioned her as she joined him in the kitchen and poured herself a generous glass of wine. She rolled her eyes at the mention of her nickname; few people in Los Angeles got away with calling her ‘Andy’. It was reserved for family and the most intimate partners. Tonight, his casualty annoyed her. Then again, tonight, everything annoyed her.
“Nothing. I closed the case, it wasn’t a big deal,” she snapped at him in a way only a big sister could get away with. She grabbed utensils for herself and her brother and sauntered into the living room, balancing her wine glass and several Thai dishes in her other hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk about it. Did you find any shooting locations today?”
Brian watched her as she placed the take-out on her coffee table and slumped into her couch; she was paying more attention to drinking her wine as quickly as she could than to fixing her plate. “Scouted a couple of spots, but I’m not sure if they’ll work. We found a great building downtown, but we have to see if it’s structurally sound before we can use it. It’s pretty decayed, which is what we want, but there was some concern about the floors being able to hold all the camera equipment we would need to do the action shots inside,” he responded as he served himself and sat next to Andrea on the couch.
Andrea nodded, only half paying attention to the conversation. Brian could sense she was uninterested, which was odd for his older sister. Normally she took delight in hearing about his work.
“I saw the Chief of police on the news today. How’s all that stuff going with Sharon in her department? She’s the one Sharon’s had to monitor, right?” he asked, hoping the change of subject back to Andrea’s job and friends would spark her interest. He wasn’t used to her being so listless. Brian watched as the colour drained from Andrea’s face at the mention of the two women, though which one had affected her he didn’t know. “Andy, are you alright?” he asked somewhat impatiently, fed up with Andrea’s uninterested silence.
“I’m fine. Really,” she sighed, “Uh... yes, for the past few months now Sharon had been tasked with keeping an eye on Chief Johnson and her department. It’s going fine, I guess. I don’t really speak to Sharon all that much anymore, but Chief Johnson will be joining me in my office soon. There was an....uh... incident last week and Chief Johnson will be stepping away from Major Crimes, but I’m thrilled she’s going to be a part of my team. She’s really very good at her job, so I know she’ll be a great addition to the department.” Andrea did her best to bury that she wasn’t speaking to Sharon in the middle of her response, hoping Brian wouldn’t catch it.
“Did you say that you weren’t speaking to Sharon anymore?” Great. Of course that would be the one thing he’d pick out.
“It’s nothing,” Andrea said as she dug into her pad thai with a little more force than necessary, “sometimes friendships fall apart. Shit happens.”
“Yeah, but, you two were best friends,” he said, confused, “the last time I was here for a week, she came over four out of the seven days I was here. How do you go from that to not talking at all?”
“Things just change sometimes, Brian. People change. They grow apart. Sharon and I aren’t a couple of girls in our twenties that can spend every waking moment together. We just.... grew apart, okay?” Andrea repeated herself as she set her fork down in favour of her wine glass, draining its contents.
Was she trying to convince herself or Brian that all that had happened was a simple matter of two women growing apart? She knew, of course, that what had happened between them hadn’t been so simple, but it was easier to brush it off as such. Most days she could pretend that really that was all that happened, then occasionally it would all come crashing down on her again; in the quiet moments when she wasn’t busy with work, or when she looked over to the empty side of the bed and remembered what it looked like when Sharon had filled that spot. No, it was definitely easier to pretend Sharon was a friend she had simply...grown apart from, and each time she told that lie to someone else, it became that much easier to convince herself of it.
She rested her wine glass in her lap and pressed her the palm of her hand into her eyelids as she tried to force Sharon out of her head. Why did he care where she was? This was the last thing Andrea wanted to be discussing.
Brian contemplated his older sister’s reaction as she pulled herself off the couch and stomped off into the kitchen for more wine, this time returning with the rest of the bottle. She sat a wine glass down in front of him as well and poured them both a healthy glass.
“So....if you aren’t hanging around Sharon all the time... are you seeing anyone? I remember last time I was here you had a couple of women interested in you.” He smirked at his sister as she took another long sip of wine. If he was honest, he was surprised she and Sharon weren’t dating, but Andrea always had been bit of a lady killer for as long as Brian could remember. When they were teenagers and young adults, she always had a date on Friday nights, it was something he had always been a bit jealous of. He learned very early on, when she moved out and got an apartment of her own, that it was imperative to call before showing up at her place on any given evening. Even in her thirties and now in her forties, Andrea had never been short of female suitors, thus it was completely odd that she hadn’t dated anyone in so long, or that she had and hadn’t mentioned it to him.
Andrea gripped the edge of the table and rolled her eyes at her younger brother. “No. And I don’t really want to talk about that either okay?” she said irritably.
“Andy, honey, are you okay? Did Sharon do something?” He asked concernedly. He knew that his big sister could take care of herself, but that didn’t stop him from feeling protective of her.
“I’m not okay Brian. I am so not okay. Sharon and I….we…,” she trailed off and turned her head so he couldn’t see how flushed her cheeks were.
Brian put his glass down on the table. “Andy? You...you did?” Andrea nodded her head. “Oh Andy, I’m sorry. Come here,” he said tugging her into an embrace. “It didn’t end well I presume?”
“No,” she sighed. “It’s such a mess.”
“Does she know how you feel about her?” Brian asked gently, rubbing Andrea’s back. Andrea had never outright told him how she felt about Sharon Raydor, but his sister hadn't been especially great at hiding her feelings. He had seen the way they looked at each other, he had seen how close and how in sync they were. Brian had assumed there were deep, mutual, romantic feelings between the two women the first time Andrea had introduced him to Sharon last year. He hadn’t anticipated holding his broken hearted sister the first time he met Sharon; he was positive she’d had the kind of feelings for Andrea that extended beyond friendship.
“She came over the evening I was shot. It just...happened. Neither one of us was thinking rationally, and then she stayed up thinking all night after we slept together, of course, because I asked her to stay. I was so stupid. I never should have let it happen, but I thought we wanted the same thing. She doesn’t want to be anything more than friends now because we work together, and because she’s a fucking coward, so that’s what we’re doing... very poorly I might add."
“Do you want to be friends with her?” Brian asked carefully.
“No, not exactly. I mean, I do, but I don’t want to be just friends.” Andrea said as she sighed into his shoulder then let him go reluctantly. She crossed her legs on the couch and plucked nervously at the edge of the chenille throw sitting next to her; the same throw Sharon had cuddled under countless times before. “It’s so complicated Brian, I don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. At first I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because it’s Sharon, and I tried to go back to being just friendly, but I can’t. I just can’t do it. If she were anyone else I would have cut my losses already, but...I can’t walk away from her. And I feel like such an idiot for still wanting to be with her after everything that’s happened. I’ve never needed anyone before, but I feel like I need her in my life still,” she said miserably.
“You’re not an idiot. You’re the smartest, strongest women I’ve ever known. Relationships are messy Andy, even more so when the line between friendship and romance gets blurred. And needing someone doesn’t make you weak, I’d be a total mess without Steph. If she decided one day that she wanted a divorce I don’t know what I’d do,” Brian said honestly. “Do you love her? Sharon?” he asked even more carefully.
“Yes. Very much,” she said seriously, looking him in the eye. “But that doesn’t matter. It’s not what she wants. Or what she is willing to admit that she wants,” she said quietly.
“Do you think she’s just afraid?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to think. Yes, she’s afraid, that much I know. She doesn’t take risks in her personal life, ever. She hates change and she hates feeling out of control, and she’s just had the rug pulled out from beneath her feet at work, so she’s on edge as it is. But I could swear Brian that sometimes she looks at me while we’re at work and I feel like I’m the only person in the room. But then a second later she’s back to being Captain Raydor and I’m just DDA Hobbs to her.”
Brian ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “It makes sense I guess, her being reluctant to get involved with anyone. I mean, I know bits and pieces about her ex husband, so I guess I can see why she’s afraid. But that doesn’t give her the right to make you feel like shit Andy, and don’t for a second think that it does.”
“I know it doesn’t, and I don’t think that,” she said irritably. “But what am I supposed to do? Force her to move in with me? Glue a ring to her finger? I’ve cut off all contact with her outside of work, which was painful enough to do thank you very much, but there is the inevitable fact that our offices are in constant contact,” she growled.
“Wow, I’m not defending her actions, nor am I accusing you of letting her walk all over you. I’m just trying to understand this thing as an outsider,” he said as he held his hands up defensively.
Andrea tucked her hair behind her ears and pinched the sides of her neck. “I know, I’m sorry. Thinking about it makes me angry, and talking about it isn’t any easier. I appreciate you trying to help Brian, but I’m kind of over talking about Sharon, now, please.”
Brian sighed and nodded his head; he knew not to push his sister when she was upset. “Alright, we can be done talking about Sharon.”
“Good,” she said, “now help yourself to that glass of wine and let’s get ready to celebrate the start of the weekend,” she said bitterly.
Brian held up his glass and clinked it against Andrea’s silently. He wished he could offer her better answers and more comfort, but he knew the only person that could fix this with his sister was Sharon; that woman had always had an uncanny ability to understand and comfort Andrea better than anyone else.
“Did you still want to go sailing this weekend, Andy?” he asked quietly as he watched her swirl the contents of her wine glass around.
“Sure, sounds good to me,” she muttered.
He sighed; this was obviously the way the rest of the evening was going to go-he would attempt to make conversation and she would shoot him down. Maybe a movie was in order, that way at least Andrea could tune out to something pleasant and distracting.
“Come on,” he muttered, “You’re not going to sit there and get drunk just so you can be miserable tomorrow.” He handed his older sister a pillow and watched sadly as she tucked it under her chin and embraced it with both arms, then he moved to her entertainment stand to pick out one of her favourite movies. He grabbed the remote and plopped down next to her and threw the chenille blanket over himself; he knew Andrea wouldn’t need it.
As the opening credits for Annie Hall rolled on the screen, Andrea tucked her head into her little brother’s shoulder and sighed contentedly. At least she could turn her brain off for a little while.
Co-author: sharon_ray
Pairing: Hobbs/Raydor
Rating: T
Word Count: 4, 718
Disclaimer: Not our characters or television show
Summary: Sharon and Andrea's relationship has been balanced on the precipice of friendship and something more for longer than either of them care to admit. Will the ever-present danger of their jobs finally push them over that fine line? Or will it pull them apart?
A/N: Fic starts out in season seven of The Closer, and follows the events (we've taken some liberties of course) of Major Crimes. This fic is complete and chapters will be posted on a weekly basis. On ff.net: Enigma.
Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5,
(graphic made by me with my own screencaps and those taken with permission from MajorCrimesTV.net. Please do not take or re-post.)
The promotion to Major Crimes came with a whole host of mixed emotions for Sharon. While she was happy to have a promotion for the first time in years, she was sad to see Brenda Leigh Johnson go the way she had. She knew that the stress of losing her mother and going after Stroh again legally had gotten to Brenda, but she didn’t realize quite how badly it had affected the younger woman. She had grown to care for the police chief in a way. She couldn’t deny that watching Brenda beat Phillip Stroh as the elevator doors closed, knowing she couldn’t get to her to stop it; or to protect Brenda, like she had grown so accustomed to doing recently had made her feel useless. Those few panicked moments that Brenda was locked in the elevator with Stroh sparked a sense of helplessness in Sharon that she loathed feeling.
The images of Brenda Leigh covered in Phillip Stroh’s blood, and the devastation present in Brenda Leigh’s eyes as realization of what she had done flooded her body that day, seemed to play in a continuous, torturous loop in Sharon’s head. She sat at her desk, head in her hands, as she wondered how the hell she was going to pull this new job off. The Major Crimes team loved Brenda Leigh Johnson; there was no way Sharon could follow in those tiny little footsteps of hers, nor did she want to, really. She didn’t want to be Brenda’s replacement, she just wanted to come to work, be respected by her fellow officers, and get the job done. Her official transfer was to take place in three weeks. She had three weeks to figure out how she was going to earn the respect and the trust of the men she had spent the last several months investigating as potential leaks.
The knock at her door startled her, but the woman standing in the doorway to her office startled her even more.
“I hear congratulations are in order?” Andrea asked, a careful smile crossed her lips. She’d been avoiding Sharon since she found out about her promotion, but the sentimental part of her mind had finally persuaded her to pluck up the courage to come by and congratulate her. She could almost pretend that she was doing it out of professional courtesy. Almost.
“Oh, uh, something like that,” Sharon did her best to smile back as Andrea walked into her office, uninvited. “Nice of you to stop by finally. I guess you never found time for that dinner,” she muttered under her breath. The sight of Andrea made Sharon surprisingly angry.
Andrea froze. She was about to take a seat opposite Sharon at her desk, but now she was considering that coming by had been a total mistake. “Do you really want to go there Sharon?” she said quietly as she palmed the back of the chair, unsure now of whether to sit or to turn around and leave.
“I meant it when I said that my friendship with you was important,” Sharon said seriously as she watched Andrea. She motioned for Andrea to sit down; she didn’t know when she’d have the opportunity to speak to her again. She was going to take the chance while she had it.
Andrea nodded and took a seat across the desk from her, she also wanted to take advantage of the fact that they had an opportunity right in front of them to try and mend things. “I needed some time to figure this out, okay? I did tell you that. I certainly don’t appreciate you coming at me with that tone and that remark especially after what the hell has happened,” she said dangerously.
Sharon wrung her hands nervously. “You’re right, I am sorry. That was uncalled for and completely rude of me. It’s just….it’s been a long day. There has been so much change in my life lately and I don’t really know if I am coming or going at this point, I feel unsettled and I hate it,” she admitted quietly.
Andrea had always been a safe place for her and seeing her again, outside of a strictly professional setting, had set something off in Sharon. She couldn’t pretend that she was fine and perfectly put together; and she certainly hadn’t meant to confess to Andrea anything even slightly emotional, but it all slipped out before she could stop herself.
“I’m sorry Andrea, I know that I haven’t been a good friend lately. You have every right to be impatient with me and not even want to see me. But I do miss you,” Sharon sighed; she took a moment to collect herself before continuing. “Just, could we not be such strangers when we see each other at work at least? I understand that maybe it’ll be awhile before we’re having drinks and dinner again, but, when we do see each other around here, do we have to be so cold? Could we please compromise at least on that?”
Andrea regarded her counterpart carefully before she shook her head, “No. No we don’t have to be cold. We can be friendly at work.” Andrea leaned back in the chair and unbuttoned her jacket, trying in vain to find a position that was comfortable for her while in Sharon’s presence. “So, tell me about this promotion? I saw Chief Johnson yesterday. She wasn’t in good shape, she knows it’s time to leave I think, but I think saying goodbye has been hard for her. We’re working things out with my office to offer her as smooth a transition as possible. I think that eventually, she’s going to be alright.”
“That’s good, I’m glad that your office is taking her and Detective Gabriel in. They’re both wonderful officers and they’ll be fabulous additions to your office,” Sharon said. “As far as the promotion goes, no one knows yet but us, your boss, Chief Pope and Chief Taylor.”
Andrea’s eyes widened. “The rest of the Major Crimes division doesn’t know yet? Who do they think is going to run things with Chief Johnson gone?”
“Lt. Provenza is taking charge for the next few weeks while I train my replacement in IA.”
“Can you imagine the fit he’s going to throw when he finds out his being in charge isn’t permanent?” Andrea chuckled darkly, as she contemplated the scene in her head.
Sharon stared mournfully at the desk, obviously not finding it as funny. “I know, it’s going to be a nightmare, but Chief Taylor assures me he will take care of it... appropriately.”
Andrea looked at her sympathetically. “Well, let’s hope that Taylor knows what the hell he’s doing. Or that he at least has your back when the shit hits the fan and Provenza throws his fit.”
Sharon laughed. “Oh god you’re right, this is going to be a mess,” she murmured, “why the hell did I agree to this Andrea?”
“If anyone can do it, it’s you, Sharon,” she smiled up at her, “Besides, this is your chance to finally put Lt. Provenza in his place for back talking you for years... and Lt. Flynn for, well, for being Lt. Flynn; an eternal pain in the ass. You’re going to be just fine,” Andrea assured her.
For a moment, it almost seemed as though conversation was going to flow naturally between them like it had so many times before.
“Flynn isn’t that bad. Not anymore, actually; apart from Tao, he’s probably been the most helpful in recent days with all that’s happened,” Sharon said.
Andrea quirked her brow knowingly. “Just wait until you lay down the law. Don’t be surprised if they give you some resistance, but like I said, you’re the best officer for the job,” Andrea said, smiling. “In fac-” Her cell phone started ringing, effectively cutting her off. She fished the phone out of her briefcase and sighed when she saw the caller ID.
“Hot date?” Sharon teased; that was what she always said whenever Andrea got a phone call. It had been a normal, anticipated joke between them for ages; naturalized to the point of almost being a reflex. This time however, she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth.
“Ah, uh, no,” Andrea said awkwardly. Any sense of warmth that had slowly started to build between them had been quickly doused. “Excuse me,” she said as she answered the call. “Hi, yes. No I haven’t left yet. Yes, that’s fine. I’ll pick it up on the way home. Bye.”
“That was silly of me to ask, I-”
“Brian is in town for the week,” she said, mentioning her brother by name as Sharon had met him on several occasions. “He’s staying with me again and just wanted to know what we were doing about dinner,” she made it clear that she didn’t want to acknowledge Sharon’s slip-up. “Speaking of which, I should get going. He’s in the mood for take-out and I’d rather pick up the food before the place gets busy,” Andrea said as she gathered her briefcase and stood.
“Well, let me walk you out, then,” Sharon smiled, determined not to let Andrea leave on bad terms this time. She pushed herself back from her desk and stood, walking quickly to open her office door wider so she and Andrea could get through it; Andrea had pulled it practically closed when she’d entered earlier.
“Do you have anything fun planned with Brian? Send him my regards, will you?” There was a hint of regret in Sharon’s voice; she knew she wouldn’t be seeing Brian this time around, which saddened her, she had always gotten along very well with Andrea’s brother. How many relationships had their little tryst cost her? How many more would it cost her?
“Yes, I’ll let him know you said hi,” Andrea said stiffly.
Sharon opened the door wider and leaned against it, Andrea stood with her back flush against the doorframe opposite her. It was late, everyone else in Sharon’s department had already gone home for the evening; they were completely alone for the first time in weeks. Sharon licked her lips nervously, and Andrea couldn’t help but stare at the older woman’s mouth; this habit of hers had always driven Andrea crazy; now it was just downright torturous.
“Well, I don’t want to keep you from Brian. Thank you for stopping by, Andrea, really. It was good to see you, and thank you for...your patience and just, well everything,” Sharon said genuinely, albeit a little awkwardly, hoping she could turn things around before Andrea left.
“It was good to see you, too, Sharon,” Andrea said softly, unsure of how to tell her goodbye appropriately.
Sharon smiled at Andrea, the gesture causing her laugh lines to stand out proudly, highlighting the birthmark on her cheek. Andrea couldn’t help herself, she leaned forward and kissed that little mark, the one that Sharon tried in vain to cover with cosmetics, the one that Andrea had secretly adored so very much for so very long. It was both pure bliss and pure agony to feel Sharon’s skin beneath her lips again; she kept her kiss brief, gentle, hoping that it would come off as friendly. But as Andrea pulled away, she felt Sharon lean into her personal space, and nuzzle her neck. She couldn’t help it, being near Sharon like this again was overwhelming; Andrea wanted to grab her, kiss her, hold her and never let her go, but she settled for wrapping one arm around her shoulders, and kissing the top of her head.
Sharon sighed against Andrea’s neck, her whole body tingled delightfully from being this close to Andrea again.
“Sharon,” Andrea sighed, “I have to go home.”
Sharon pushed away slowly from Andrea’s embrace and back up against her door again, face flushed in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, that was wrong of me...” she muttered as she pushed herself as far into the doorframe as she could, trying to create at least the illusion of space between her and Andrea.
“Um, it’s fine,” Andrea said awkwardly; she blushed fiercely. Reaching out, she patted Sharon’s arm, hoping that the gesture would make their embrace seem less….torrid than it had actually been. She sighed regretfully, stepping out of the doorway and into the hallway to give them both some space.
Sharon awkwardly stuffed her hands into the pockets of her blazer. “You should get home. Brian gets cranky when he’s hungry, I remember,” she said, she was smiling but Andrea knew her well enough to know that it was a forced smile.
Andrea nodded and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “Yeah. Well, goodnight,” she managed to mutter before she turned on her heels, trying to get away from Sharon as quickly as she possibly could.
She didn’t bother to wait for the elevator; she opted for the stairs. She didn’t know what to do with Sharon anymore, every move was the wrong one, and it seemed like every time they started to regain their friendship, one of them slipped up irreparably. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she let out a quiet sigh of relief.
***
Andrea shuffled through her front door, balancing her briefcase, jacket, and two bags of take out in her hands. “Will you take these, please?” she called out to her younger brother as she held the bags of food in front of her.
A well kept man with blonde hair appeared from the hallway, clad in a pair of dark jeans and an untucked navy blue button down shirt. His hair was cut short and his face shaved clean, and he had the same stunning bone structure and striking blue eyes as Andrea.
Brian kissed her roughly on the forehead and grabbed the bags, heading toward the kitchen before she could get a proper hello out. “Good day at work?” he called to her from the other room as he grabbed placemats and plates.
“Not really,” she muttered back half-heartedly, slipping out of her high heels and untucking her blouse. Normally she was comforted by her younger brother’s laidback presence, but tonight it just made her more on edge. She wasn’t in the mood for questions or small talk; she didn’t want to talk about her day, and she certainly hoped Sharon didn’t come up. Still, she knew at the back of her mind that she probably would. He had already asked about Sharon’s obvious absence once since he had arrived. Now that he’d been here for three days and there was still no sign of the Captain, she was sure to come up again.
“Not really? I thought you were closing a big case today, Andy. What happened?” he questioned her as she joined him in the kitchen and poured herself a generous glass of wine. She rolled her eyes at the mention of her nickname; few people in Los Angeles got away with calling her ‘Andy’. It was reserved for family and the most intimate partners. Tonight, his casualty annoyed her. Then again, tonight, everything annoyed her.
“Nothing. I closed the case, it wasn’t a big deal,” she snapped at him in a way only a big sister could get away with. She grabbed utensils for herself and her brother and sauntered into the living room, balancing her wine glass and several Thai dishes in her other hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk about it. Did you find any shooting locations today?”
Brian watched her as she placed the take-out on her coffee table and slumped into her couch; she was paying more attention to drinking her wine as quickly as she could than to fixing her plate. “Scouted a couple of spots, but I’m not sure if they’ll work. We found a great building downtown, but we have to see if it’s structurally sound before we can use it. It’s pretty decayed, which is what we want, but there was some concern about the floors being able to hold all the camera equipment we would need to do the action shots inside,” he responded as he served himself and sat next to Andrea on the couch.
Andrea nodded, only half paying attention to the conversation. Brian could sense she was uninterested, which was odd for his older sister. Normally she took delight in hearing about his work.
“I saw the Chief of police on the news today. How’s all that stuff going with Sharon in her department? She’s the one Sharon’s had to monitor, right?” he asked, hoping the change of subject back to Andrea’s job and friends would spark her interest. He wasn’t used to her being so listless. Brian watched as the colour drained from Andrea’s face at the mention of the two women, though which one had affected her he didn’t know. “Andy, are you alright?” he asked somewhat impatiently, fed up with Andrea’s uninterested silence.
“I’m fine. Really,” she sighed, “Uh... yes, for the past few months now Sharon had been tasked with keeping an eye on Chief Johnson and her department. It’s going fine, I guess. I don’t really speak to Sharon all that much anymore, but Chief Johnson will be joining me in my office soon. There was an....uh... incident last week and Chief Johnson will be stepping away from Major Crimes, but I’m thrilled she’s going to be a part of my team. She’s really very good at her job, so I know she’ll be a great addition to the department.” Andrea did her best to bury that she wasn’t speaking to Sharon in the middle of her response, hoping Brian wouldn’t catch it.
“Did you say that you weren’t speaking to Sharon anymore?” Great. Of course that would be the one thing he’d pick out.
“It’s nothing,” Andrea said as she dug into her pad thai with a little more force than necessary, “sometimes friendships fall apart. Shit happens.”
“Yeah, but, you two were best friends,” he said, confused, “the last time I was here for a week, she came over four out of the seven days I was here. How do you go from that to not talking at all?”
“Things just change sometimes, Brian. People change. They grow apart. Sharon and I aren’t a couple of girls in our twenties that can spend every waking moment together. We just.... grew apart, okay?” Andrea repeated herself as she set her fork down in favour of her wine glass, draining its contents.
Was she trying to convince herself or Brian that all that had happened was a simple matter of two women growing apart? She knew, of course, that what had happened between them hadn’t been so simple, but it was easier to brush it off as such. Most days she could pretend that really that was all that happened, then occasionally it would all come crashing down on her again; in the quiet moments when she wasn’t busy with work, or when she looked over to the empty side of the bed and remembered what it looked like when Sharon had filled that spot. No, it was definitely easier to pretend Sharon was a friend she had simply...grown apart from, and each time she told that lie to someone else, it became that much easier to convince herself of it.
She rested her wine glass in her lap and pressed her the palm of her hand into her eyelids as she tried to force Sharon out of her head. Why did he care where she was? This was the last thing Andrea wanted to be discussing.
Brian contemplated his older sister’s reaction as she pulled herself off the couch and stomped off into the kitchen for more wine, this time returning with the rest of the bottle. She sat a wine glass down in front of him as well and poured them both a healthy glass.
“So....if you aren’t hanging around Sharon all the time... are you seeing anyone? I remember last time I was here you had a couple of women interested in you.” He smirked at his sister as she took another long sip of wine. If he was honest, he was surprised she and Sharon weren’t dating, but Andrea always had been bit of a lady killer for as long as Brian could remember. When they were teenagers and young adults, she always had a date on Friday nights, it was something he had always been a bit jealous of. He learned very early on, when she moved out and got an apartment of her own, that it was imperative to call before showing up at her place on any given evening. Even in her thirties and now in her forties, Andrea had never been short of female suitors, thus it was completely odd that she hadn’t dated anyone in so long, or that she had and hadn’t mentioned it to him.
Andrea gripped the edge of the table and rolled her eyes at her younger brother. “No. And I don’t really want to talk about that either okay?” she said irritably.
“Andy, honey, are you okay? Did Sharon do something?” He asked concernedly. He knew that his big sister could take care of herself, but that didn’t stop him from feeling protective of her.
“I’m not okay Brian. I am so not okay. Sharon and I….we…,” she trailed off and turned her head so he couldn’t see how flushed her cheeks were.
Brian put his glass down on the table. “Andy? You...you did?” Andrea nodded her head. “Oh Andy, I’m sorry. Come here,” he said tugging her into an embrace. “It didn’t end well I presume?”
“No,” she sighed. “It’s such a mess.”
“Does she know how you feel about her?” Brian asked gently, rubbing Andrea’s back. Andrea had never outright told him how she felt about Sharon Raydor, but his sister hadn't been especially great at hiding her feelings. He had seen the way they looked at each other, he had seen how close and how in sync they were. Brian had assumed there were deep, mutual, romantic feelings between the two women the first time Andrea had introduced him to Sharon last year. He hadn’t anticipated holding his broken hearted sister the first time he met Sharon; he was positive she’d had the kind of feelings for Andrea that extended beyond friendship.
“She came over the evening I was shot. It just...happened. Neither one of us was thinking rationally, and then she stayed up thinking all night after we slept together, of course, because I asked her to stay. I was so stupid. I never should have let it happen, but I thought we wanted the same thing. She doesn’t want to be anything more than friends now because we work together, and because she’s a fucking coward, so that’s what we’re doing... very poorly I might add."
“Do you want to be friends with her?” Brian asked carefully.
“No, not exactly. I mean, I do, but I don’t want to be just friends.” Andrea said as she sighed into his shoulder then let him go reluctantly. She crossed her legs on the couch and plucked nervously at the edge of the chenille throw sitting next to her; the same throw Sharon had cuddled under countless times before. “It’s so complicated Brian, I don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. At first I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because it’s Sharon, and I tried to go back to being just friendly, but I can’t. I just can’t do it. If she were anyone else I would have cut my losses already, but...I can’t walk away from her. And I feel like such an idiot for still wanting to be with her after everything that’s happened. I’ve never needed anyone before, but I feel like I need her in my life still,” she said miserably.
“You’re not an idiot. You’re the smartest, strongest women I’ve ever known. Relationships are messy Andy, even more so when the line between friendship and romance gets blurred. And needing someone doesn’t make you weak, I’d be a total mess without Steph. If she decided one day that she wanted a divorce I don’t know what I’d do,” Brian said honestly. “Do you love her? Sharon?” he asked even more carefully.
“Yes. Very much,” she said seriously, looking him in the eye. “But that doesn’t matter. It’s not what she wants. Or what she is willing to admit that she wants,” she said quietly.
“Do you think she’s just afraid?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to think. Yes, she’s afraid, that much I know. She doesn’t take risks in her personal life, ever. She hates change and she hates feeling out of control, and she’s just had the rug pulled out from beneath her feet at work, so she’s on edge as it is. But I could swear Brian that sometimes she looks at me while we’re at work and I feel like I’m the only person in the room. But then a second later she’s back to being Captain Raydor and I’m just DDA Hobbs to her.”
Brian ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “It makes sense I guess, her being reluctant to get involved with anyone. I mean, I know bits and pieces about her ex husband, so I guess I can see why she’s afraid. But that doesn’t give her the right to make you feel like shit Andy, and don’t for a second think that it does.”
“I know it doesn’t, and I don’t think that,” she said irritably. “But what am I supposed to do? Force her to move in with me? Glue a ring to her finger? I’ve cut off all contact with her outside of work, which was painful enough to do thank you very much, but there is the inevitable fact that our offices are in constant contact,” she growled.
“Wow, I’m not defending her actions, nor am I accusing you of letting her walk all over you. I’m just trying to understand this thing as an outsider,” he said as he held his hands up defensively.
Andrea tucked her hair behind her ears and pinched the sides of her neck. “I know, I’m sorry. Thinking about it makes me angry, and talking about it isn’t any easier. I appreciate you trying to help Brian, but I’m kind of over talking about Sharon, now, please.”
Brian sighed and nodded his head; he knew not to push his sister when she was upset. “Alright, we can be done talking about Sharon.”
“Good,” she said, “now help yourself to that glass of wine and let’s get ready to celebrate the start of the weekend,” she said bitterly.
Brian held up his glass and clinked it against Andrea’s silently. He wished he could offer her better answers and more comfort, but he knew the only person that could fix this with his sister was Sharon; that woman had always had an uncanny ability to understand and comfort Andrea better than anyone else.
“Did you still want to go sailing this weekend, Andy?” he asked quietly as he watched her swirl the contents of her wine glass around.
“Sure, sounds good to me,” she muttered.
He sighed; this was obviously the way the rest of the evening was going to go-he would attempt to make conversation and she would shoot him down. Maybe a movie was in order, that way at least Andrea could tune out to something pleasant and distracting.
“Come on,” he muttered, “You’re not going to sit there and get drunk just so you can be miserable tomorrow.” He handed his older sister a pillow and watched sadly as she tucked it under her chin and embraced it with both arms, then he moved to her entertainment stand to pick out one of her favourite movies. He grabbed the remote and plopped down next to her and threw the chenille blanket over himself; he knew Andrea wouldn’t need it.
As the opening credits for Annie Hall rolled on the screen, Andrea tucked her head into her little brother’s shoulder and sighed contentedly. At least she could turn her brain off for a little while.