Its been a hell of a year, that's for sure. I have but one realization: for all the shit that has transpired, from awkward moments down to pure laughter, I'm still here. Whether in pleasure or in pain, the days pass, so I better damn well make them count. Hence, I suppose this fascination with the marines. Never have I worked so hard for something ( Read more... )

Woot block break!! Not that this last block has been bad...actually it has been really good - except for the discovery that Buddhism is kinda depressing. Continually amazed at life and the different places a person can end up. Hopes, dreams, all of that jazz. I guess I've come to realize that there's no right answer to life, only decisions and ( Read more... )

What is reality? I'm surprised by the places life seems to be taking me these days, because it seems to lead to places I thought I could never end up. Such is growth, I suppose. I never thought I could be gay, it still is weird, but I think I am ready to face it as a challenge. Two of penticles all the way. That and kappa. who knew. but I like ( Read more... )

If only the world were just one sidewalk that went on forever - through forests, and deserts, and oceans...then I could longboard for eternity and life would be the most amazing thing ever!! Now i just have to learn to juggle and longboard. Ahhh, how I love life...

Ah, life. Strange. Cyclical. Mysterious. As everything seems to fall into place, and thigns suddenly make sense - except for understanding myself, sometimes - I feel overwhelmed with ideas of faith and spirituality. and love. and everything, especially life direction. Its amazing how fast things change...

Mankind is forever to be tainted by the primordial avoidence of change, stemming from an equally primordial fear of that which is unknown or uncertain. From this, one could inlay such issues as death and pain, though that could equally be attributed to the innate fear of lack of control. I feel I must face the fact that my life is changing. As with ( Read more... )

Lately, every time I pick up the tarot cards, it seems as though I draw the wheel of fortune. Rapid change. Certainly holds true. From sitting in an examination room, nude, and having a sixty year old male doctor examine your scars and tell you that you are a cutter and that that automatically disqualifies you for service. And then having to tell ( Read more... )

So stressed. My physical is tomorrow, and I have to spend the night in Denver by myself tonight. Theoretically, it should be fine, but I'm still nervous. I worry that the docs will call me on the cutting scars - how do I respond to that? Its pretty obvious...I guess I just hope...

It worries me that I would rather be drunk or asleep than awake...

Having spent the last few weeks desperately trying to comprehend the various amounts of anxiety I occasionally find myself harboring, I believe I have finally now reached surrender. Merely giving into the flow of life and seeing where it takes me. So far it hasn't been too bad. New friends, better relations with the family. Fate is perhaps a ( Read more... )