Always loving you
Chapter 04
I spent the whole night thinking about who I wanted. Zacky, or Syn. All night my mind kept going towards Syn. He was so cute, and loving and caring. Not to mention hot. He is my friend and he is just… amazing, I guess. And then there is Zacky who I have known for a long, long time. He was all the above things and more. But nowadays I wasn’t so sure.
I didn’t know who to choose, and I had assured Syn that I would today. So as I pulled on my clothes for school and headed out of my house, the only thoughts in my head were Zacky and Syn.
When I started to walk down my road to the school I was shocked when I saw Syn smiling at me, his long, dark hair breezily moving in the wind, wearing more eyeliner than usual, as well as a smile which caused me to grin as soon as I saw it. My eyebrows raised as I could feel my heart racing just at his very sight. Damn I like him a lot.
“Hey,” He called when he saw me, rushing over. I smiled as he approached me. “Had a good night?”
“Not really.” I replied truthfully, looking at him. I had on idea why he was so interested in me, I mean, there must be a hell of guys who would date him, why me? They would be less complicated than me too, wanting me must be very hard for him considering there was Zacky standing in his way.
“Oh no, why?” He asked, with genuine love. I smiled and looked at him.
“No reason, just was up most of the night. Thinking and all that…”
“Oh right,” He replied, no doubt understanding what exactly I was thinking about. “So,” He coughed, “Decided anything?”
I smiled weakly and looked him straight in the eye.
“I don’t know…” I whispered. Syn’s face fell a little bit but not completely. I smiled as I looked at him. I seemed to like him more and more every time I saw him. Not all that sure if that is a good thing or not though. “I am gonna decide today, okay? I need to see Zacky…”
“Okay.” Syn replied, smiling a little bit. Never before have I seen him like this. Usually he was so casual about everything. I would have expected him to just shrug it all off and pretend like he didn’t care like he usually would. This made me think about how much he must love me.
This is gonna be a hard decision.
When I finally got into school, after being escorted in by Syn, the first person I ran into was Zacky. My heart leaped a little when I saw him, causing the decision to become even harder. At this point, I was still standing next to Syn. So it was just me, Zacky and him. I gulped.
“Hi Zacky,” I said weakly as I saw him, I was kind of guilty about last night, I practically cheated on him. Even though, I didn’t even know if we were dating, but still.
“Hey Matty!” Zacky said with enthusiasm when he saw me. I smiled as he ran towards me, and wrapped his arms around my body. I was speechless as he started talking about how much he missed me.
But what was the strange part, was the fact that even though the love of my life had his arms around me, all I could think about was the hurt on Syn’s face which you could see from a mile away. My eyes pleaded with Syn, telling him I was sorry. I don’t know if he got the message.
Zacky still hadn’t let go of me, but at this point instead of hugging me, like he was, he now just had his arms wrapped around my shoulders, his pale face looking straight into my slightly tanned one. I moaned slightly as his lips came towards mine and pressed gently against them.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
The only thing I could think about.
I kissed him back. What else was I supposed to do? Even though Syn was standing right there, watching it all, I couldn’t exactly not kiss someone who I had dreamt about kissing for the longest period of my life.
And the kiss was great, just like I had always imagined kisses from Zacky would be. My eyes were shut the whole time, but when I opened them I saw Zacky’s bright green eyes not closed like mine, or even looking at me in a loving gaze. Instead they were fixed on Syn, narrowed and menacing. Like he knew he was teasing Syn, hitting him hard by kissing me.
I closed my eyes quickly before Zacky saw that I had noticed his cold glare he had given Syn.
They really must hate each other. I thought as I pulled away, my eyes now wide, my first thoughts on Syn.
“See you guys later,” He said gruffly before walking off, not before giving a very cold stare at Zacky who just replied with a smirk.
“Syn, wait!” I cried, leaving Zacky to raise his eyebrows at me, sigh and walk off, mumbling some shit about how Syn is fucking everything up.
“Why should I wait?” Syn replied fiercely, not even being able to look at me, still walking away from me.
“Because I need to talk to you about this,” I cried, causing him to stop and turn around.
“Talk about what? How you kiss me one day and then him another? And him. The guy who will smirk at me as he kisses you, as if he is only doing it to get back at me! He doesn’t even know me, why is he doing this to me?” Syn said hysterically and so unlike him.
“Syn what has happened to you? This isn’t you.” I said quietly to him.
“Look, can I talk to you in private then please?”
“Sure.” I said, looking around and seeing all the people walking passed us. Ignoring us, as usual, but still, it wasn’t the best place to get everything out of him.
He guided me round the back of the Science labs. Where, in my experience so far at this school, no one ever went. I had only been there once when I got curious over what there was but that was about it.
There wasn’t much. Just grass and high plants that desperately needed cutting, a few places which were okay to sit, but no bench or chair or suchlike. But there was a few large rocks, which I sat on first. Syn smiled at sat next to me on the one next to it.
“Okay talk,” I encouraged, “Fuck sake Syn, why are you letting him get to you so much? You are Synyster Gates for fuck sake, he doesn’t let this shit get to him…”
“Brian Haner does.” He said quietly, looking to the floor. I creased my forehead in confusement.
“Brian?”
“You know Brian is someone completely different to Syn, right?”
“Huh?”
“Just like Shadows is someone different to Sanders…”
“Yeah I get that,” I whispered. I did. Sanders was my heart, Shadows was my body. If that made sense. I looked at Syn realising this.
“So Brian… he’s sad?” I said weakly, “Synyster wants to beat the shit out of Zacky but can’t because of… Brian?”
“Not because of Brian,” He muttered, suddenly looking up at me. “Because of you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah you, dumbass,” He smiled for the first time, “You know I like you. A lot. Both Brian and Syn. Well, it’s pretty obvious that if I beat the shit out of Zacky, which I could do pretty easily, you wouldn’t exactly be happy with me.”
“True.” I said sadly.
“He does deserve it though.” Syn whispered.
“Syn?” I looked at him straight in the eyes, “Brian? Whoever is in there right now. I gotta actually ask. Why do you hate him so damn much?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He replied, smirking a little bit, “I mean, come on, the dude is the only thing standing between me and you.” He lowered his eyes, realising what he said, “Plus, didn’t you see the way he treated me the first time he saw me? He looked at me. He knew straight away how I felt about you and wanted to use it against me. To hurt me. And he is doing a fucking good job of it.”
I smiled, knowing this was true and took his hand and held it softly. This shocked him and he couldn’t seem to continue what he was saying.
“Syn,” I whispered, “Don’t let this take over you, okay? It is just what he wants. He is being cruel and harsh to you, you don’t deserve it.”
What was I saying? It sounded as if I hated Zacky. Maybe I did, I mean, the things I was saying about him wasn’t the kindest things in the world.
“Matt…” Syn whispered, looking at me with the same loving eyes from last night.
“Syn…” I replied, smiling at him.
“Matt you make no sense.” He grinned, “I mean, there you were, kissing the guy, and now here you are bitching about him to another guy…”
“Who ever said I made any sense?” I smiled, looking at him.
“I hope you aren’t like this around him.” He mumbled, “You know, you bitching about me.”
“I would never do that Syn,” I whispered. “I mean, I have no reason to.”
Syn smiled at me. I knew what was going to happen next and I was excited and ready for it. I smiled as he leaned in towards me. I didn’t hold back. I wrapped my hands around the back of his head and kissed him. The kiss progressed with in moments, I closed me eyes soaking him in. Kisses with him were completely different than the kisses with Zacky. Zacky’s… I don’t know. Like, this morning when he kissed me I assumed he only did it because of Syn standing there. This kiss… it was like Syn was doing it cos he liked me and wanted me.
When he pulled away I couldn’t seem to breathe. That is how his kisses leave me, I guess: Breathless. I smiled at him, not being able to say a word. He grinned back and took hold of my hand. God he is so warm…
“Matt, I like you a lot, okay?” He whispered to me, “And when you are kissing Zacky today in front of me again, please remember that…”
I opened my eyes about to reply, telling him I was sorry about him, pleading with him to forgive me for doing this to him. But instead, he got up from where he was sitting, smiled at me one more time and walked away.
I didn’t walk after him. Not again. Even if I caught up with him I wouldn’t know what to say. So I just let him go as I walked to my first class.
As typical as it was, it was obviously History. Double as well. I scowled to myself as I walked to the class. Why was I so into history? And took the full course meaning I had the class so often?
I raised my eyebrows at myself while walking. Huh? I didn’t want to see Zacky? Okay this was getting insane now. I am growing to hate Zacky and love Syn more and more each day, and I can’t fucking choose?!
I ran up the stairs to history as fast as I could, relishing the extra exercise which was all I was doing lately anyway. I ran into no one on the stairs, as I was pretty early I think. I bit my lip as I walked into the room and slid in the seat I always sat at. I thought to myself for a few minutes about what I was going to do, but my thoughts were cut short when Zacky walked into the room.
“Matty!” He cried, running towards me. I didn’t move. I just stayed there. Of course my eyes lighted up a little at his presence, which I don’t think will ever stop, I mean, it is Zacky! The guy who I refused to leave my heart for the many years I was apart from him.
“Hey Zack.” I replied as he jumped into the seat next to me. I smiled at him as he grinned at me.
“What happened earlier? You left me!” He asked, with a note of indignance.
“What do you expect? Syn ran off.” I shrugged. “And if I remember right, Zacky, it was you who left first, mumbling some shit about him!”
“Well, you can’t expect me to be his best friend, huh?” Zacky said bitterly.
“Why not? He hasn’t done anything to you!” I said coldly.
“Yes he has.” Zacky said, looking at me straight in the eyes which caused me to have to look at him straight in the eyes, and oh god them eyes! They were hypnotic. It was hard to look away from them. “Matt, he likes you. A lot. And he won’t let us be together…”
“He will.” I replied, “I mean, he can’t exactly stop it.” No matter how much I would want him to. But of course, I didn’t say that out loud. “Us being together, I mean…”
“I know,” Zacky replied, seemingly in his own world.
“And besides.” I continued, “Me and you aren’t even dating.”
“Cos of Syn, huh?” He asked coldly.
“No.” I replied, “Because, I don’t know. I need to get to know the real you. And we don’t even act like boyfriends now anyway. And I don’t know. I just will have to think about it now. I just need to make a decision…”
“Okay.” Zacky replied quietly, “Just… when you do make up your mind. Tell me, okay?”
I nodded to him and smiled before reaching into my bag and pulling all my supplies out for the lesson. After I did, I watched Zacky for a while, staring at a spot on the table and thinking deeply about something. Probably Syn, judging by the looks in his eyes.
When the lesson started, and the teacher gave us our assignments, one of the slutty girls from behind tapped me and Zacky on the back. We turned around as they grinned at us.
“So, you guys going out?” The girl asked. I frowned. This was typical of them, they always ask me if I was dating anyone at the time or the furthest I had been with someone. It really was none of their business, and this was exactly what I was going to say. And besides, me and Zacky weren’t even dating. I hadn’t even chosen yet.
“Yes.” Zacky replied before even looking at me. “Yes we are.” He pulled his arm around me while I watched the girls smile and turn back to their seats.
Huh?
Back to Chapter three
Chapter five
I spent the whole night thinking about who I wanted. Zacky, or Syn. All night my mind kept going towards Syn. He was so cute, and loving and caring. Not to mention hot. He is my friend and he is just… amazing, I guess. And then there is Zacky who I have known for a long, long time. He was all the above things and more. But nowadays I wasn’t so sure.
I didn’t know who to choose, and I had assured Syn that I would today. So as I pulled on my clothes for school and headed out of my house, the only thoughts in my head were Zacky and Syn.
When I started to walk down my road to the school I was shocked when I saw Syn smiling at me, his long, dark hair breezily moving in the wind, wearing more eyeliner than usual, as well as a smile which caused me to grin as soon as I saw it. My eyebrows raised as I could feel my heart racing just at his very sight. Damn I like him a lot.
“Hey,” He called when he saw me, rushing over. I smiled as he approached me. “Had a good night?”
“Not really.” I replied truthfully, looking at him. I had on idea why he was so interested in me, I mean, there must be a hell of guys who would date him, why me? They would be less complicated than me too, wanting me must be very hard for him considering there was Zacky standing in his way.
“Oh no, why?” He asked, with genuine love. I smiled and looked at him.
“No reason, just was up most of the night. Thinking and all that…”
“Oh right,” He replied, no doubt understanding what exactly I was thinking about. “So,” He coughed, “Decided anything?”
I smiled weakly and looked him straight in the eye.
“I don’t know…” I whispered. Syn’s face fell a little bit but not completely. I smiled as I looked at him. I seemed to like him more and more every time I saw him. Not all that sure if that is a good thing or not though. “I am gonna decide today, okay? I need to see Zacky…”
“Okay.” Syn replied, smiling a little bit. Never before have I seen him like this. Usually he was so casual about everything. I would have expected him to just shrug it all off and pretend like he didn’t care like he usually would. This made me think about how much he must love me.
This is gonna be a hard decision.
When I finally got into school, after being escorted in by Syn, the first person I ran into was Zacky. My heart leaped a little when I saw him, causing the decision to become even harder. At this point, I was still standing next to Syn. So it was just me, Zacky and him. I gulped.
“Hi Zacky,” I said weakly as I saw him, I was kind of guilty about last night, I practically cheated on him. Even though, I didn’t even know if we were dating, but still.
“Hey Matty!” Zacky said with enthusiasm when he saw me. I smiled as he ran towards me, and wrapped his arms around my body. I was speechless as he started talking about how much he missed me.
But what was the strange part, was the fact that even though the love of my life had his arms around me, all I could think about was the hurt on Syn’s face which you could see from a mile away. My eyes pleaded with Syn, telling him I was sorry. I don’t know if he got the message.
Zacky still hadn’t let go of me, but at this point instead of hugging me, like he was, he now just had his arms wrapped around my shoulders, his pale face looking straight into my slightly tanned one. I moaned slightly as his lips came towards mine and pressed gently against them.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
The only thing I could think about.
I kissed him back. What else was I supposed to do? Even though Syn was standing right there, watching it all, I couldn’t exactly not kiss someone who I had dreamt about kissing for the longest period of my life.
And the kiss was great, just like I had always imagined kisses from Zacky would be. My eyes were shut the whole time, but when I opened them I saw Zacky’s bright green eyes not closed like mine, or even looking at me in a loving gaze. Instead they were fixed on Syn, narrowed and menacing. Like he knew he was teasing Syn, hitting him hard by kissing me.
I closed my eyes quickly before Zacky saw that I had noticed his cold glare he had given Syn.
They really must hate each other. I thought as I pulled away, my eyes now wide, my first thoughts on Syn.
“See you guys later,” He said gruffly before walking off, not before giving a very cold stare at Zacky who just replied with a smirk.
“Syn, wait!” I cried, leaving Zacky to raise his eyebrows at me, sigh and walk off, mumbling some shit about how Syn is fucking everything up.
“Why should I wait?” Syn replied fiercely, not even being able to look at me, still walking away from me.
“Because I need to talk to you about this,” I cried, causing him to stop and turn around.
“Talk about what? How you kiss me one day and then him another? And him. The guy who will smirk at me as he kisses you, as if he is only doing it to get back at me! He doesn’t even know me, why is he doing this to me?” Syn said hysterically and so unlike him.
“Syn what has happened to you? This isn’t you.” I said quietly to him.
“Look, can I talk to you in private then please?”
“Sure.” I said, looking around and seeing all the people walking passed us. Ignoring us, as usual, but still, it wasn’t the best place to get everything out of him.
He guided me round the back of the Science labs. Where, in my experience so far at this school, no one ever went. I had only been there once when I got curious over what there was but that was about it.
There wasn’t much. Just grass and high plants that desperately needed cutting, a few places which were okay to sit, but no bench or chair or suchlike. But there was a few large rocks, which I sat on first. Syn smiled at sat next to me on the one next to it.
“Okay talk,” I encouraged, “Fuck sake Syn, why are you letting him get to you so much? You are Synyster Gates for fuck sake, he doesn’t let this shit get to him…”
“Brian Haner does.” He said quietly, looking to the floor. I creased my forehead in confusement.
“Brian?”
“You know Brian is someone completely different to Syn, right?”
“Huh?”
“Just like Shadows is someone different to Sanders…”
“Yeah I get that,” I whispered. I did. Sanders was my heart, Shadows was my body. If that made sense. I looked at Syn realising this.
“So Brian… he’s sad?” I said weakly, “Synyster wants to beat the shit out of Zacky but can’t because of… Brian?”
“Not because of Brian,” He muttered, suddenly looking up at me. “Because of you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah you, dumbass,” He smiled for the first time, “You know I like you. A lot. Both Brian and Syn. Well, it’s pretty obvious that if I beat the shit out of Zacky, which I could do pretty easily, you wouldn’t exactly be happy with me.”
“True.” I said sadly.
“He does deserve it though.” Syn whispered.
“Syn?” I looked at him straight in the eyes, “Brian? Whoever is in there right now. I gotta actually ask. Why do you hate him so damn much?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He replied, smirking a little bit, “I mean, come on, the dude is the only thing standing between me and you.” He lowered his eyes, realising what he said, “Plus, didn’t you see the way he treated me the first time he saw me? He looked at me. He knew straight away how I felt about you and wanted to use it against me. To hurt me. And he is doing a fucking good job of it.”
I smiled, knowing this was true and took his hand and held it softly. This shocked him and he couldn’t seem to continue what he was saying.
“Syn,” I whispered, “Don’t let this take over you, okay? It is just what he wants. He is being cruel and harsh to you, you don’t deserve it.”
What was I saying? It sounded as if I hated Zacky. Maybe I did, I mean, the things I was saying about him wasn’t the kindest things in the world.
“Matt…” Syn whispered, looking at me with the same loving eyes from last night.
“Syn…” I replied, smiling at him.
“Matt you make no sense.” He grinned, “I mean, there you were, kissing the guy, and now here you are bitching about him to another guy…”
“Who ever said I made any sense?” I smiled, looking at him.
“I hope you aren’t like this around him.” He mumbled, “You know, you bitching about me.”
“I would never do that Syn,” I whispered. “I mean, I have no reason to.”
Syn smiled at me. I knew what was going to happen next and I was excited and ready for it. I smiled as he leaned in towards me. I didn’t hold back. I wrapped my hands around the back of his head and kissed him. The kiss progressed with in moments, I closed me eyes soaking him in. Kisses with him were completely different than the kisses with Zacky. Zacky’s… I don’t know. Like, this morning when he kissed me I assumed he only did it because of Syn standing there. This kiss… it was like Syn was doing it cos he liked me and wanted me.
When he pulled away I couldn’t seem to breathe. That is how his kisses leave me, I guess: Breathless. I smiled at him, not being able to say a word. He grinned back and took hold of my hand. God he is so warm…
“Matt, I like you a lot, okay?” He whispered to me, “And when you are kissing Zacky today in front of me again, please remember that…”
I opened my eyes about to reply, telling him I was sorry about him, pleading with him to forgive me for doing this to him. But instead, he got up from where he was sitting, smiled at me one more time and walked away.
I didn’t walk after him. Not again. Even if I caught up with him I wouldn’t know what to say. So I just let him go as I walked to my first class.
As typical as it was, it was obviously History. Double as well. I scowled to myself as I walked to the class. Why was I so into history? And took the full course meaning I had the class so often?
I raised my eyebrows at myself while walking. Huh? I didn’t want to see Zacky? Okay this was getting insane now. I am growing to hate Zacky and love Syn more and more each day, and I can’t fucking choose?!
I ran up the stairs to history as fast as I could, relishing the extra exercise which was all I was doing lately anyway. I ran into no one on the stairs, as I was pretty early I think. I bit my lip as I walked into the room and slid in the seat I always sat at. I thought to myself for a few minutes about what I was going to do, but my thoughts were cut short when Zacky walked into the room.
“Matty!” He cried, running towards me. I didn’t move. I just stayed there. Of course my eyes lighted up a little at his presence, which I don’t think will ever stop, I mean, it is Zacky! The guy who I refused to leave my heart for the many years I was apart from him.
“Hey Zack.” I replied as he jumped into the seat next to me. I smiled at him as he grinned at me.
“What happened earlier? You left me!” He asked, with a note of indignance.
“What do you expect? Syn ran off.” I shrugged. “And if I remember right, Zacky, it was you who left first, mumbling some shit about him!”
“Well, you can’t expect me to be his best friend, huh?” Zacky said bitterly.
“Why not? He hasn’t done anything to you!” I said coldly.
“Yes he has.” Zacky said, looking at me straight in the eyes which caused me to have to look at him straight in the eyes, and oh god them eyes! They were hypnotic. It was hard to look away from them. “Matt, he likes you. A lot. And he won’t let us be together…”
“He will.” I replied, “I mean, he can’t exactly stop it.” No matter how much I would want him to. But of course, I didn’t say that out loud. “Us being together, I mean…”
“I know,” Zacky replied, seemingly in his own world.
“And besides.” I continued, “Me and you aren’t even dating.”
“Cos of Syn, huh?” He asked coldly.
“No.” I replied, “Because, I don’t know. I need to get to know the real you. And we don’t even act like boyfriends now anyway. And I don’t know. I just will have to think about it now. I just need to make a decision…”
“Okay.” Zacky replied quietly, “Just… when you do make up your mind. Tell me, okay?”
I nodded to him and smiled before reaching into my bag and pulling all my supplies out for the lesson. After I did, I watched Zacky for a while, staring at a spot on the table and thinking deeply about something. Probably Syn, judging by the looks in his eyes.
When the lesson started, and the teacher gave us our assignments, one of the slutty girls from behind tapped me and Zacky on the back. We turned around as they grinned at us.
“So, you guys going out?” The girl asked. I frowned. This was typical of them, they always ask me if I was dating anyone at the time or the furthest I had been with someone. It really was none of their business, and this was exactly what I was going to say. And besides, me and Zacky weren’t even dating. I hadn’t even chosen yet.
“Yes.” Zacky replied before even looking at me. “Yes we are.” He pulled his arm around me while I watched the girls smile and turn back to their seats.
Huh?
Back to Chapter three
Chapter five