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[derivatizing]

bonjournos, flist.

Tell me something. Post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love: anything you want. Something about you, something about me, anything at all.

Be sure to post honestly. Post as many times as you want.

Comments

[anonymous]

i know someone who cries every day. she has a very good reason for it. i don't cry much anymore, even when i want to. i don't express emotions outwardly very well. i wish i had the strength to cry that much. it's a strange, slightly unpleasant feeling.

[derivatizing]

I can't cry in front of other people, unless I'm hurt. If I'm talking with my friends, I could be completely upset and smiling. Even when I skype with people, if I've been upset, I tend to at least graduate to line face if not smiling because it's like this...mask, almost, but not with the negative connotations of the subject.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I think that's pretty normal. Crying once and awhile is good for us, lets things off. But I doubt you'd want to have a very good reason to cry every day like your friend. Instead of focusing on not being able to cry, maybe think of things you can do to make yourself feel better.

Let's face it, if I know by the time I get to school I'll be laughing with friends even if I cried the whole way there, I'd rather be at school laughing than driving 21 miles crying. It isn't fake because I would be crying if I was alone.

[anonymous]

I hate my hobby of associations.

I can't think of Francis Bonnefoy or Ivan Braginski without thinking of you.

I can't think of Roderich Edelstein without thinking of her, for that matter, but it's easier to deal.

I need to just let go.

"I don't need useless things." <- That's what I hear you saying, that's what I hear Francis sneering and Ivan chirping. Because Francis says it to hurt, Ivan says it as devastating truth. You say it because you're you. You're as malicious, as innocent, as petty, as gloriously intoxicating, as wonderfully charismatic and attractive as any of them

[derivatizing]

Learning by example isn't wrong. I think one of the greatest things we can do is learn by example, taking things we like from people. Just just friends but historical people, fictional characters, anecdotes and poetry. But you shouldn't let it go too far. Everyone has faults, so take the good and leave the bad. Be innocent and intoxicating but not pretty or malicious (although I have to admit I don't think of either of them as being particularly innocent.)

But let me say this too; you're a half-way decent friend if you're here. No matter who this is about I know it's true. I don't just gratuitously let people into my life unless there is a reason for it. And if you're that way for me, I can't imagine you jumping off the deep end for any of your friends.

[anonymous]

Bleh.

Well, the writer reveals more about himself than his subject in his writings. That may be all too true in my case and probably in... that person's case.

I don't have many friends so I take drama involving them a lot harder. Curse this need for human connection. :P

[derivatizing]

I understand, anon. I take a drama with my friends pretty hard too but I'm lucky to have a bunch. I hope things get better between you and that person, I'll be rooting for you two!

[anonymous]

I'm always amazed at how you're able to pick out my voice, even when I'm anon.

[derivatizing]

DON'T TURN AROUND.

[anonymous]

I feel like everyone is cheating. I give away myself and I'm honest and I don't lie about who I am and people somehow still, still manage to make me feel like that's wrong somehow. Meanwhile they're all friends with each other and I can't help but wonder what facade they're hiding behind. It's like all that cool-kid drama from high school that I didn't experience came back to bite me in my not-fake ass.