shittyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

somebody relieve me

california = waste of my life

i am so insulted by my family sometimes. sick of having my emotions humiliated. im sick of it & it makes me feel dramatic. sometimes i dont want to talk about certain things, and it seems that those subjects always come up in conversation most. i just sat in the backyard all alone tonight to avoid it. i wish things werent so sad now. i miss my

i could put my emotions into so many words- so many words that i know will be demeaned and overlooked and degraded. so i wont bother. its almost easier just to keep it all in my head.

between fits of coughing, dizziness, and insanity, i swim.

i need to do something really greuling and energy-consuming until i finally collapse into a long sleep. a sleep so long that ill miss parts of life.

how do you make things seem so new when the same thing happens everyday? your power's like magic. stop.

i'm certainly not actually living. i mean, it cant always be like this right?

no one ever has complete control of anything. its all in someone else's hands, or at least its all chance or timing. i dont know. but i guess its relieving to know that i have power over myself to a certain degree. unfortunately this power is quite trivial and useless in the grand scheme of things ( Read more... )

i cant believe its only five now. i dont even want to say it, even though it was inevitable. i spent too long avoiding it and i wasted so much. i feel like a coward for denying myself and denying him, and because i dont even know what to do with myself; im completely useless to anyone. the women in my family are so much stronger than i could ( Read more... )

so yesterday someone tried to purposely run me into the pinetree median on utopia by driving closer and closer alongside me. luckily for them i am not the revenge-seeking type. luckily for them my truck is bigger than their jeep ( Read more... )

my first encounter with death was last summer. my hermit crab died, and i found the corpse one morn with the little shell and lifeless crustacean body, and i was so frightened of it. i realized that at one point, air just stopped going in & out, and all its little organs ceased function, and now its just a pile of matter. try thinking of your ( Read more... )

last night was odd. & i loved it so much, despite the boys being frustrated the whole time and being confused a lot... poor guys! everything went wrong for em, but i still feel like dressing up so fancy and dancing to slow music and getting syrup spilled all over me was just in my head. luckily i have proof that it wasnt.

( the evidence )