i'm surprised nobody other than the voice in my head has told me to give up or take things more seriously

its been a long, long time since i've purged my thoughts on this screen. and really no time at all

i'm spending many hours doing non-profit work that (obviously doesn't pay well, and) pushes me to the edge of what i'm capable of. amazingly i can prepare a press release, simple advertisements, newsletters, brochures, facilitate T-SHIRTS, design and ( Read more... )

I'm not as heartless as I seem ( Read more... )

some say it is because
but i insist it's not.

once there was a girl named randi who inhabited this livejournal, and other places too.

she's pretty much not here anymore.  all these pictures and all these words are all some two or three worlds ago and now i'm unrecognizable and that i think is good.  maybe.  it would be nice if i had words to say, ( Read more... )

i wish i could write something i believe
i wish i had a thought that i wouldn't have to fight for
i wish i could tell you something with meaning
if i could, i'd make it into pictures
if a pistol was the brush, and my brain and blood are paint and the canvas is the wall
i'm not sure i wouldn't keep the story to myself

i'm awful and unreal ( Read more... )

raise your hand if you remember:

i feel like i'm trying to breathe underwater.  this calls for another cigarette.

("fucking cancer sticks.  you're slowly killing yourself."

"isn't that the point?"

"...is it?")i feel like my life is either a scratched cd that keeps skipping and repeating-- stuck making an unintelligable screeching sound that just makes me want to throw it out ( Read more... )

people are only disappointing when you have expectations ( Read more... )

i'm preparing myself for the consequences of a bad decision i haven't yet made.